Yelling anybody

[shaneunc]

[ This Message was edited by: ShaneUNC on 2003-07-29 15:15 ]

[kpickle39]

I get that way too.  Seems like most of the straightlings I know do this as well.  Unfortunately for me when I get pissed off and usually it is at people that I love (ie son and/or wife) I yell and get very confrontational.  It's like they have been on 1st phase their entire life.  It is nothing short of a miracle that they still love me and that my wife has not divorced me.    I seem to get better at not losing it as I get older but when I do.......man, look out!

[hedwigfan]

I made a conscious decision not to spank my kids because I knew I had an aggressive streak in me and was afraid of it. What did I end up doing those few times they drove me to my wit's end...YELLED!
  I've been reading about post traumatic stress disorder and one of the hallmarks is episodes of rage. No wonder we're all LOUD!
  Sometimes, I cringe when I hear how sarcastic I am towards my husband and wonder how he can still love me. I'm now working on this issue in therapy, but it's still hard.
  I wish everyone well in their relationships...
  "Oh, so good, just to walk in the light
   And may the moon shine down on love,
   Every, every night
   And sometimes, it seems the only things
     real
   Are what we are, and what we feel."
          Incredible String Band, "Red Hair"

[Tampa survivor]

WOW ...
Well well, we HAVE stumbled onto something here.  Me too.  My son and I were having trouble a year ago, and we were fighting a lot, and at about my wits end, my X pointed out that I was doing to him what she clained I'd done to her.  When she told me that being angry at someone did not include yelling and then withdrawing love.
Hardest damned thing she was ever right about.  
Group yelled at us.  If you cried and gave in, the response was "we love you"  If not, have  some p'nut butter.
HMMM
Bill

[85 Day Jerk]

Everyone remember Darren McGavin from "A Christmas Story?"  the way he would let off a stream of obsenities at the neighbors hound dogs?  I am like that with traffic.  Since I mostly drive alone it has become a real bag habit.  I was taking care of three children for a friend of mine and driving them to a park when someone in a large SUV

pissed me off and even with the kids in the car and me on my highest alert against cussing, I ripped off and yelled out "You dickless piece of shit, pussyass yuppie cock-

smoking degenerate, drive like a woman shit for brains idiot motherscratching HOMO!!!"

Lucky for me I guess that I fired these off so fast that the kids did'nt have time to learn any of them.  Their mouths hung open in awe at least!  I really really try not to ever yell, but when I do it is really kind of funny actually.  The stuff that comes out of my mouth when I get riled up is rapid fire venom that is exteremely hard hitting and devastating to whom ever it was that pissed me off.  I have absolutely no control over it.  I guess it is a good thing that I never went on staff, or I would have certainly fried a few brains and defineately expanded the vocabularies of many a Straight-ling!

_________________
In the line of fire, you know what to say
They gave us no choices, just one shade of grey
Back at that hellhole, behind Tyrone Mall
We walked in darkness, kept hitting the walls
I took the time to feel for the door
I had been treated, but what the hell for?

[ This Message was edited by: 85 Day Jerk on 2002-09-18 01:08 ]

[85 Day Jerk]

Everyone remember Darren McGavin from "A Christmas Story?"  the way he would let off a stream of obsenities at the neighbors hound dogs?  I am like that with traffic.  Since I mostly drive alone it has become a real bag habit.  I was taking care of three children for a friend of mine and driving them to a park when someone in a large SUV
pissed me off and even with the kids in the car and me on my highest alert against cussing, I ripped off and yelled out "You dickless piece of shit, pussyass yuppie cock-
smoking degenerate, drive like a woman shit for brains idiot motherscratching HOMO!!!"
Lucky for me I guess that I fired these off so fast that the kids did'nt have time to learn any of them.  Their mouths hung open in awe at least!  I really really try not to ever yell, but when I do it is really kind of funny actually.  The stuff that comes out of my mouth when I get riled up is rapid fire venom that is exteremely hard hitting and devastating to whom ever it was that pissed me off.  I have absolutely no control over it.  I guess it is a good thing that I never went on staff, or I would have certainly fried a few brains and defineately expanded the vocabularies of many a Straight-ling!

[hedwigfan]

It really is embarassing to realize you're cussing in front of the kids. It seems like cussing was encouraged in group to express anger or negative feelings, but I don't think it accomplished anything. Thanks to Straight, I have a potty mouth--a habit which I have not yet been able to break. (Wonder what Princess Di thought of all that profanity?!)

[ladyjerrico]

Swearing was allowed during the 1st month of my stay at Straight, but then staff was informed that it causes too much aggression and anger, so if we ended up swearing in group we were told to sit down and start over again without swearing. Raps lasted quite a while after that rule was placed I tell ya

[Carmel]

Hmm...I dont yell at all.  If I am yelling...something REALLY bad is happening.  I dont yell at my daughter...although I do talk to her in a overly stern voice.  If I am yelling, it is usually accompanied by loss of control, physical violence etc.  That happens only in a great while and under serious duress.  

Last time it happened was when I was at a bar with my husband and the girl he was seeing before (during) the time we started dating made the comment to me that it was "Too bad that I had walked in on them fucking".  I went totally black.  I flew at her and tried to punch her but I was pulled back just in time by my husband, the tips of my knuckles brushed her nose (Ill never forget that feeling) and then all was chaos.  

She must have seen something in my eyes because she immediately bolted for the door.  After which I grabbed the nearest beer bottle and broke it off so I could better slit her throat with it.

I dont remember much, pieces were filled in by those present.  I hurled several glasses in her direction after the bottle was taken from me and spit in my husbands face when he told me I was out of line. But basically...if I am angered to the point of yelling or screaming...there is no turning it off.  I would have tried to kill her and not even thought twice.  I remember almost audibly hearing the snap in my mind.  It scares me to be that way, and its dangerous.  I was that way before Straight though....it has only happened about 3 times in my life that I can count. Every time was extremely violent and I experienced similar loss of memory. This time there just happened to be something to get my hands on to use as a weapon.

I vent my anger...but I try and remain logical and calm in my venting.

[MommaDebi]

85DayJerk: I just have to say:

 "I so enjoy your sense of humor". You have the ability to have me chuckle outloud reading your posts! Thanks for the giggles!!

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-18 09:03 ]

[METALGOD8]

85DAYJERK, where did you get this?:

   In the line of fire, you know what to say
They gave us no choices, just one shade of grey
Back at that hellhole, behind Tyrone Mall
We walked in darkness, kept hitting the walls
I took the time to feel for the door
I had been treated, but what the hell for?

Sounds like a poem or lyrics, I have been wanting to find someone to write some lyrics and I saw these that relate to the program. hmm, do you know the author? could they write more? I'll send you a CD of the noise from Virginia if you want.   MG8

[ScottM]

Oh Yeah!

I notice this same pattern/habit in myself. I remember being in group after being started over on front row after about a little more than 14 months, when I realized that the only way I was going to get out was to yell and scream at people and the sick part of it was that it worked, really worked! I moved right along and eventually was deemed cured or whatever and released. After I got out I had a hard time not cutting people down in an argument mainly with girlfriends.

People have noticed that when I get mad I do some sort of thing with my lip (I have no idea) and I just explode. I sometimes can't stop myself because I almost go into this zone and I feel like I'm back in group blindly screaming insults at somebody. I actually get shaky afterwards like right before a fist fight.

I've been trying to just walk away from situations that bring that up and it's worked well. If your mad at someone they basically own you and I try to remember that.
Damn place taught me that too.


Arghhhhh

-Scott

[dreammagician]

If there is a way in there is a way out. My beleif is that peace is the way. I try to keep out of peoples way because I know I am fucked up from straight. Maybe a little bit is better than a heaping spoon full. Sporks foresver. Toleration is a mandatory.

[ladyjerrico]

One thing that allows me to keep sane from all these past memories of Straight is the fact that everyone on here is all in this together. We know we were messed up from everything that happened, also, realizing the freedom we have now, Straight cannot take control of us anymore

[Anonymous]

It would be handy if I could blame rage on Straight but I grew up in a raging household.  Ways I can reduce daily rage: don't be under stress (hmmn), don't eat sugar or various other foods which I have learned increase rage in me, and WALK AWAY.

I have learned that my rage can be deeply connected to fear, to being hurt, and to being betrayed.  The fear part is tricky because it is often way out of proportion -- it is really paranoia.

It also SEEMS to help if I don't spend a lot of time thinking about things I used to think about that kept me sad and angry all the time.

I recently read that, while we have been told that venting anger is healthy, it actually increases stress levels, which increase anger.

Peace be with you all, and if anyone is raging at or around children whether or not you are physical with your children IT IS HURTING THEM.  Go get professional help NOW.  It will be the most important thing you ever do for your children.