This is all interesting - but it seems like we are only looking at kids after the fact. You guys are talking about teen problems - but those problems are created by the parents when the children are babies.
Personally, I don't think it's enough to be the empathetic, listening, do-good parent once the shit hits the fan. Those should be skills that were employed from day one - when the privilege of having a child was bestowed upon us. Some may view it as a biologinal imperative but I'm of the opinion that it's really a privilege to be responsible for another life.
I saw this in my own life when the child mimicked the father and mother - taking on every good and bad behavior we exhibited. Everything from fingernail biting to kicking, hitting and screaming - all were behaviors exhibited by myself and my ex-husband. And it was so shocking to me to watch a child less than three years old kick me and tell me I was a fuck - the exact behavior his father exhibited. Frightening to realize how much damamge I had done and had allowed to happen by my own "powerlessness" in just that short time my child was alive.
Children learn good and bad behavior from their parents. (On a personal note - yeah, I broke the law, a bench warrant was issed and I and refused to allow contact and paid dearly for that.) But, my son, who is now 22 years old, is one of the kindest, most compassionate young men you'd ever have the pleasure to know. I have bent over backwards to undo that damage we caused and allowed to happen. I took every opportunity I could to show him, time and time again, what it meant to be a kind, honest, non-violent, person. It cost me but it was worth the sacrifice.
Children learn from what their parents do. When the good learning doesn't come into to equation until well after the child has taken those bad behaviors to heart, the end result is a very confused person and the damage is already done. It can be undone: it's very difficult for the child, and it takes a lot of outgoing energy - to show them by example - the value and results of other choices and options. But I know it can be undone.
I truly believe that a good society begins at home with the parent or parents (and I'not referring to the "Bush family moral values" where it's all perfectperfect church/bible oriented and we don't talk about what we did before age 38.) It begins with the elders/parents. Maybe it might make a difference for some very lucky children to have positive role models after the fact to help them understand abstinance or responsiblity and take those teachings to heart- but it's a small, small minority of kids who are lucky enough to make that connection.
Most times, the scenario repeats itself, over and over again. Why else would 14 year olds have babies; why else would kids use drugs or steal from their neighbors or each other or run in gangs or kill ? Because they see their elders doing the same thing with no personal accountablity.
As adults and now parents, if we continue to look outward, to lay blame on addictions and give up our personal power to choose and master our own behavior - give it up to some exterior entitiy, what the hell will our kids learn?
The meassage they get is this: Go ahead and fuck up because you can go do 30 days in treatment, do some 12 stepping and everything will be ok -forgiven ... because you're powerless. No, I don't think so. That just perpetuates the problem.
Places like the Seed may have operated as parental input for some, but in the end, we still go back to what we were raised with- that's the core essence of who we are, who our parent's raised, good, bad, or otherwise.
I think everything we do in this life is purely a matter of personal choice. No one forces us to do anything. Our children see our choices and they behave accordingly.
Love and peace to you all.