Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling

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Jimmy Cusick:
Hi fellow seedlings,
     
     Remember that song. Wow , what memories. We sang about Love and Peace and Jingle bell's until our throats were sore. I am writing to convey my transformation to any seedling that cares to know. I've been reading this forum for about 6 months when I came on board I wrote from anger and rage towards the seed and the staff and Art Barker. I put down particular staff members and blamed the seed for my downfall in life. I considered the brainwashing that we all experienced extremely negative with long lasting affects. I blamed my parents for sending me to the Florida seed in the first place.

     After 6 months of thinking and feeling about the seed and my experience there I have a warm heart when I consider what realistically took place 30 years ago. I remember sitting on the front row hating everything and everybody for no particular reason but I must have been comical until Robert Chun(black staff member) cut my hair off.

     It is important that I have remembered my mental state of mind prior to coming to the seed. I was a sophmore in High School, I wasnt a jock, I wasnt a nurd, I tried to be a freak but I wasnt popular and didnt really fit in with them either. I was a loner. My father was an alcoholic and the family lived in perpetual chaos. I became extremely depressed and ran away from home during which time I was molested by an adult. Upon returning home my parents put me in a psychiatric ward suspecting a drug problem. They contacted a catholic charities in Cleveland and discovered other parents whose kids were sent to the Seed and off I went. In truth I had only experimented with drugs because I felt so unwanted and unlikeable I enjoyed killing the emotional pain.

     Back at the Florida Seed in the summer of 1974 I was taught about Love and Honesty. The sign on the wall that said "Your not alone anymore" meant alot to me. I was now a small part of a large group that was pretty cool. I remember thinking that Libby was just about the coolest person that ever lived. I followed directions and pursued some rather lofty ideals, some of the standards we discussed bordered on perfectionism. Over a period of months my attitude did a 180 and suddenly I was getting A's and B's in school where I had been getting D's and F's.   The seed rap leaders called our parents assholes but I learned to treat my parents with respect. I sought honesty both internal and external as we discussed that topic soooooooo many times in rap sessions. I started to like myself because I looked inside and discovered God's creation on the verge of blossoming. In the summer of 75 I lived with the Lee family, Jim and Bert and Walter, we spent countless hours on the ocean or innercoastal fishing and snorkeling and water skiing. Those were the best days of my life.

     I forgive the seed for what it did or might have unknowingly did to me. The "mind control" the "brainwashing", the hard chairs for hours and hours, the peanut butter and jelly and bologna sandwiches, the watered down kool-aid, and the fact that I never became part of the "inner circle". These were all components of a bigger picture that were neccessary and in fact required to change the "attitude" of a 16 year old lost kid in 1974

     The seed succeeded in pulling me "out of my head" as we all used to say. A spiritual transformation took place, a metamorphosis if you will. I changed internally as my behavior expanded my outlook on the purpose of life. I lived a very positive, Upbeat, honest life for almost 5 years and then I gave into the alcohol and drugs and have stayed there for 25 years. I very recently went through a rehabilitation center and I am going back in time to remember how I was able to make that incredible "change" that occured at the seed. Time will tell.

     The whole point of my blabbering is to let everyone know that the seed has a very special place in my heart. If those reading this are still full of anger from their experiences, please remember that we live in an unperfect world and the seed did the best they could with what they had.

                           Peace and Love
                            Jimmy

GregFL:
ahh Jimmy, you weren't even on drugs.

What the hell were you doing in the seed for shits sake?  From a disfunctional family to a mental hospital then to the seed?

Now we understand you have had a coke problem and alcohol proglem post seed?

Just because a group is nice to you doesn't mean it was effective at its intended purpose, drug rehabilitation.

You could go now down to the moonies or the hari krisnas and get the same open arm welcome.

Is that really what you think you need, a group of people to automatically like you,think for you, cut your hair and make you sing songs?

Jimmy Cusick:
Take your best shot Greg.  I recommend that you allow your fellow seedlings to post as we see fit. Unless of course this is only an anger/rage forum. As a seed graduate (14 months, 17 days) and 3 years in the marines I have decided to lay down my sword of hatred. The seed has a special place in my heart. I was a very typical seedling so many kids had very similiar experiences and survived to tell their stories.

     Remember the half a glass of water, it can be half-empty or it can be half full. Our 30 year old memories are mystical in nature, they provide us with snap-shots of our choosing. Today I choose the positive to survive and live another day

GregFL:
Dude post away. That was not a shot but an observation.

I just am commenting on your newfound lovefest for your time in captivity. It  seems a bit odd to me in light of the fact that you went in with no drug problem and emerged with a big one, that your fond memory was nothing theraputic but instead the memory of the cultic aspects..the "save the world" mentality, the instant friends, etc.

  I encourage you to keep posting exactly what you think, and I will do the same.

Anonymous:

--- Quote ---On 2004-12-11 16:38:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

"     Take your best shot Greg.  I recommend that you allow your fellow seedlings to post as we see fit. Unless of course this is only an anger/rage forum. As a seed graduate (14 months, 17 days) and 3 years in the marines I have decided to lay down my sword of hatred. The seed has a special place in my heart. I was a very typical seedling so many kids had very similiar experiences and survived to tell their stories.



     Remember the half a glass of water, it can be half-empty or it can be half full. Our 30 year old memories are mystical in nature, they provide us with snap-shots of our choosing. Today I choose the positive to survive and live another day"

--- End quote ---

  GOOD FOR YOU Jimmy.  Nice to have peace in your life, I'm sure.  

   It sometimes seems as though they want to "brainwash" everyone who comes on this forum who DOESN'T believe they were tortured, abused and ruined for life from these programs.
   I look back on my program experience with FOND memories as well.

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