Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
Jimmy Cusick:
Hi Friends,
I just arrived home from 19 days in Glenbeigh Rehabilitation Center, outside Cleveland. My drinking and cocaine use got out of control and I am newly clean and sober and plan to stay that way for at least the rest of the day. I thought alot about the seed. I miss the seed experience with all my heart and soul as I relive the summer of 1974 sitting on those hard chairs in the first few rows of the rap sessions. Present day rehab centers are pathetic and pitifully vacant when it comes to feeling like a part of them. They remain "for profit" corporations, so was Art Barker. The professional councellors are egotistical so were the seed staff members. The classes are very similiar to the seeds rap sessions and I fell aseep several times while trying to pay attention (same deal at the seed, they expected us to stay awake from 10:00a.m. to 10:00p.m.
My problem is that I am "FILLED" with feelings and issues and the rehab center treated me like a moron talking about A.A.'s powerlessness and unmanageable and telling me to just put the plug in the jug and turn my life over to a higher power and go to meetings and everything will be "Hunky Dory",,,,,,,,,,,I never told anyone there about the seed because they would never believe me.
I have so many issues and I hold them inside and carry them around. When I was at the seed, I talked about almost everything that bothered me and vented to other friends. Now I remain very alone. I dont have any friends and I dont trust people,,,,,,,,,,,,kinda sad ya ?
I plan to stay sober (a day at a time) for the moment. My brain cannot handle alcohol or drugs and that is a shame because I appreciated there emotional pain killing ability. Its time to reach up into the clouds and creat a "GOD" that I find loving and helpful.
P.S. ( I secretly wish I were a seedling again)
Keep the faith
Jimmy
Filobeddoe:
--- Quote ---On 2004-12-04 15:44:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:
When I was at the seed, I talked about almost everything that bothered me and vented to other friends. Now I remain very alone. I dont have any friends and I dont trust people,,,,,,,,,,,,
--- End quote ---
Hey Jimmy,
I can understand where you're at now (notice I didn't say "I can relate to that")....
I was very fortunate in that my post-Seed life was fairly free of problems... at least as far as drugs & alcohol go. The main reason for that was the support I got from my "friends" in the Seed. Others in my town who graduated helped me an awful lot to learn to do without drugs.
I too fondly remember those times with my friends (not so much in the rap sessions which I didn't really like).
Seems to me what you need most of all is a friend or group of friends that can understand you & tell you what you need to hear. Also, just to be friends.
Do you have any close friends in Cleveland to talk too? If you're in AA or have been there in the past... that may be a good place to get some support AND it will put you in a position to maybe help others which of course can help you & them.
We can't go back to 1974, but some of the positive things that we experienced can be repeated. You may have some friends right now who would like to help you through this period? Or you may need to find others?
I hope you work out something that works for you and as you know, this group can help a little. A lot of us have been through what you're going through & care about you.
Robin Martin:
Yes, this sounds very familiar but, in truth, some of us living or have lived where you're at right now. Contrary to some who post here, and given this website's general negative slant, I believe there were many of us in need of immediate help. Even though I quit "shooting drugs", I too, have struggeled w/ demons and alcoholisim over the years. But, I'm also aware I have a very addictive personality, so I have to keep everything in check - ALL THE TIME. Know what I mean?? I feel for you if you are struggling and you know what you need to do!!!
Contact me personally...CASailaway@yahoo.com
Anonymous:
damn, all these "cured seedlings" snorting coke, drinking and generally "powerless" over drugs.
I guess it really didn't work.
The seeds step one....Admit you are powerless.
It seems some here truly believe that. So sad for them.
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2004-12-05 08:10:00, Anonymous wrote:
"damn, all these "cured seedlings" snorting coke, drinking and generally "powerless" over drugs.
I guess it really didn't work.
The seeds step one....Admit you are powerless.
It seems some here truly believe that. So sad for them.
"
--- End quote ---
With this kind of post, I'd have to say that YOU seem more sad to me than any of the others. My heart goes out to you.
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