When I was 15 my mother and I were having "issues" and she threatened to send me to a catholic boarding school. The issues were no more than bad attitude but she was frustrated and at the end of her rope. She thought perhaps it might do us both some good. I know she suggested it from her heart and thought it might have been the best for me.
At that time however, I took it as rejection. I already had abandonment issues from early on in life. I understand now why things were they were but as a child and a teen, I did not and this was yet one more thing that proved I was unlovable and unworthy.
Things got worse after that and escalated to the point where I began taking over the counter medication both to numb myself and to become ill so that I could be looked after. When my family found out a year or so later, they reacted by crying and wondering why I was doing this to THEM. It made me feel like shit to see my mother crying like that.
They then sent me off to see a psychologist named Herman. Herman was an okay fellow but poorly equipped to deal with someone who was used to saying what she had to say to keep people happy and I soon learned the key words and phrases. Three sessions in, I am pronounced A ok. It was that easy. Now everyone is happy, I am cured, lets get back on with the game.
I know this is long, and I do not say these things out of self pitty or for public sympathy because my story is just what it is, it is in the past.
I only wanted to illustrate what can be going on when you send a teen away. I was only threatened and look what happened. How many of these kids go to the programs, learn what they have to say to get through it and then take several more years learning about self honesty and integrity.
It is very hard for me to speculate on what might have been done to make this situation different. Number one would probably have been if my parents could have got out of their own issues at the time and focused not on what they had done right or wrong and not made it about what was happening to them. I wasnt setting out to hurt them, and if I had been honest enough about my own feelings, I should have found a way to communicate that to them.
I think it taught me that if I go through issues with my own kids like that I had better learn not to react but to really try and listen and to read behind the lines to what my child is really saying. I certainly know that no matter how bad it is, I cannot react in a way that makes them feel responsable for MY feelings in any way. I will cry WITH them, but not because of them.
I dont know, its not easy, but those are just a few thoughts on sending kids (or threatening to send kids) to a program, DONT DO IT.
[ This Message was edited by: mom2three on 2005-01-29 19:22 ]
