I believe I need to clarify that I hold no resentments against The Seed or Art. On the contrary, I believe that my years at The Seed (since I cannot change the reality of 20 years of my life) were valuable as I shared my life with some good people. I do hold some special memories form those years.
On the other hand, I see my time with the group as a controversial and negative experience when I look at all of the bullshit that was fed to us, especially the internalizing of ?believing that some people were more ?aware? than others?BETTER THAN OTHERS. What a joke? This I believe was the most damaging part of what happened to me throughout the 80?s and 90?s. I really believed it hook line and sinker, but now I see how the ?new agey? quality of the cult was for the birds in that normal people do not set up a hierarchy of importance as if one person is better than the other. I saw many members damaged psychologically from this nonsense. For me, the group was definitely a mirror of White machista culture, valuing everything that was not part of Anglo dominance (including sexuality) as less than. This was very obvious from day one to the end. What earned you points with staff was #1 being White, savvy in business, and money (the older the better). Diversity was not respected in the group and was actually discouraged. Diversity was tolerated up to the point where it was cute to be slightly different, but always there was a reminder that you were not good enough unless you knew how to make money. The funny part was that many members were not given the opportunity to excel (unless they really bucked the system?like in my case), and other members had the ?red carpet rolled out? to suit their personal needs. This was ironic, of course, since the staff proclaimed that no one was ?treated as a special character at The Seed.? Believe me there were several special characters that received the blessing for most decisions that they thought was convenient for their future. Interestingly, in the last years, key staff members who had been on top for years, were not given the same special status by Art since there were other favorites at that point, namely members that were involved in business with him. Anyway, for some the Seed became the ?country club? that it always publicly rejected in statements, such as ?The Seed is not a country club.?
Another aspect of the place that I now laugh at is its love for ?secrecy? as if everything that happened was ?White House? material. The world would go on outside of the Andrews Ave. walls and Arts house, and we were made to feel as if each and every business or personal problem in the group was so ?important? that we must be sworn to secrecy if we even wanted to hear the ?Truth? from the inner circle. What bullshit!!!! The least they could have done was filled in each member (after they had sacrificed the last 20 years of their lives to ?the cause?) of the internal problems that brought it to the end. Instead, the people ?in power? split in two camps and decided that it was best to, now, start filling people in on all the petty crap that had divided them (mainly money and power). Of course, those that had always been left out of the loop were now expected to pick a side or if not it was a sign of ?disloyalty.? At least, the 70?s gen. only had to deal with the manipulative guilt games coming from one major group, but those that stuck it out to the end (and were never part of the inner circle) suffered the worst of the ?drama scenes?-being pulled emotionally by two camps for loyalty (if you will). All of it was a bunch of crap. Thank God, I?ve come to realize there are people with real problems in the world (besides millionaires that have nothing better to do but mentally masturbate). I can see why they had no children to feel responsible and compassionate towards; they might have had real problems to worry about, instead of what was going on within the ?inner circle" or the "drama of the moment." Everything was treated as life and death when life and death was really going outside the group. Funny, all the things, they tried to teach me not to do they ended up doing themselves. I think it is hilarious!!!
[ This Message was edited by: 90's Guy on 2005-02-01 19:41 ]
