Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

The Final Days

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wtaylorg:
I too have become enlightened and educated by some of the posts that I have been reading by those who were there up to the "bitter end". It's funny because me and my Mom had a conversation about the Seed a yr or so ago. At the end of the conversation about the Seed, she said well it's good to know that Art Barker and the Seed are long gone. But, as I have learned, Art is still very much alive, surprisingly. I remember when he had heart issues as early as '85.

Just reading some of these posts about all the bulls#&* that some of these members saw, went through, makes me so glad that I was lucky enough to have clarity back in '85. The Seed I remember was very much a "country club" where certain members had priveleges above others.

The best job I ever had while living down ('82-'85) there was hanging Scott B's Sound Mortgage flyers on doors of houses. Me and another seedling would walk maybe 15 miles a day putting these door flyers out. All for $250.00 a week. But, seriously, that was as much money a week as they ever let me earn.

I remember watching others buy cars, get raises, advance in life. All I could do was come in to the Seed< tend the yard, (mother in law tongues?), watch the gate and be what I perceived then and now as 3rd tier, not even 2nd tier.

Oh the fond memories.

Anonymous:
Thank you for such an insightful post. I still wish we could know more about what exactly went down. I to put my life on hold in the 80's. I sold credit card insuance w/ a bunch of other graduates over the telephone, then collected unemployment when they shut down.
  I still have so many ???
Which side did people choose at the end Art or Lybbi?
How many were left at the end??
Did anyone have kids??
Did everyone pair off into couples or were some still not 'allowed' to date???
I don't know - I take long breaks from posting because I don't want to let myself get to caught up in the past---trying to protect myself, in a way. But then I think, that knowing the truth is freeing.     :smile:

Anonymous:
I can't agree anymore with your post. I remember becoming aware on how one-dimensional my thinking had become. We were the ones bagging people and shutting doors to a world that had both good and bad to offer. I can remember being very frustrated once I graduated in the inability to make decisions for myself and actually believing that someone else could make better decisions than myself about my life.
 I questioned all my thoughts and decisions never developing myself in formulating any type of original thought or opinion.  I remember feeling so trapped in this life but the fear that I needed the Seed for my own happiness and well-being kept me from walking away.

The Seed all ways was big on the ?power of the group? and the love we all supposedly had for each other. We were suppose to be in a tight bond with one another. Nothing was to be left unresolved amongst us.
 
 I must admit I believed this and tried to live this. (It appealed to my sense of idealism). Does anyone else remember the raps on romance and idealism? How about the raps on Espirit de Corps? What happened? How cruel things ended up playing out leaving people alone and abandoned and emotionally destroyed.  

In truth and in the end, that turned out to be the best thing for most people, To be force to face the world on their own and eventually develop themselves.

I have often thought were all these things that were taught to us all a pack of lies?
 In my opinion no, the ideals were true and sound but the problem was how they were interpreted and manipulated by the people for the purpose of control and self gain.

 So here I?am and I?m ever so grateful I walked away from all of this when I did and still remember my bonds with the people as a good thing. I do not look at the Seed as a terrible chapter in my life but I did see what a debilitating crutch the Seed had become for me and if I really wanted to grow I needed to walk away.  

To me this is all too sad and I choose to remember the good.

Thom:
Thanks for all the info on the final days of The Seed. I was a '70's member, and kind of drifted away after I decided beer was not a drug..for me...I was 'different' Well, I got real different after that.

My abuse of alcohol later was a major contributor to 2 failed marriages, the second of which cost me much access to my kids,(now 21 and 18) and lots of child support  which finally ended last month (free at last, free at last!):) Anyway, I remember Art saying to the group that if The Seed managed to keep just one kid from messing up her/his life with drugs, it was all worth it.

I realize some of you posting here are not 'addict' types, but I am. When I came up for air again about 18 years later, pretty messed up, thinking suicide and all that, I found myself in a mainstream 12 step program, and there were those darned steps on the wall again! The ones I used to amuse myself with as a kid. 'Sought through beer and medication to remove a conscious contact with God, as we understood Him' was one example. Well, the joke was on me. I had worked my version of that step to the best of my ability. The point I'm making here is that the 'program' dogma/brainwashing or whatever I had been exposed to as a kid came in real handy when I did develop a problem. I was engaged in behaviors which I knew were killing me, and I needed help getting stopped. I'm grateful the recovery system was still around when that time came for me.

I do not deny the negative impact The Seed had on some of you, but along with that, I must say that my experience was positive. Although it took a while for the 'seeds' to sprout, (I needed to dump a bunch of fertilizer on them) that dog gone dogma came back to the front of my mind when I needed it.

Based on the end time Seed stories I've read here, it is clear to me now that Art and staff are human beings. As such, they are subject to making mistakes, wrestling with ego balance, etc. as much as I am. (Sure glad I didn't choose them as my Higher Power!)

I remember in raps hearing people parrot 'your higher power can be a light bulb or a door knob' over the years that routine was the source of  many a chuckle with my Seed siblings, there were 4 of us, until the fog started lifting and I realized I need a door knob to open doors, and a light to see where I'm going in life.

I am above all grateful to God for placing me in an environment where I could come to understand that even I can live a life with big chunks of serenity and peace in it. I have no regrets.

Take care :wave: , Thom  :tup:

Anonymous:
Stupid Humans will always err like artificial inteligence only gamling with their own lives. :smokin: And it sux.

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