Author Topic: 5th Phase Obs Notebooks  (Read 5248 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #15 on: October 28, 2004, 09:51:00 AM »
Everyone throughout life does something to hurt someone else. To get on this forum and say we each had a newcomer that may still want to kill us goes without saying. Who knows though maybe we feel that hostile towards some of our newcomers also. Just b/c someone never made it to 2nd doesn't mean they don't have bad karma. Just b/c I graduated doesn't mean I wouldn't like to meet some particular jackass newcomer I had again. Bad Karma isn't just for old comers.
The Graduate
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Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #16 on: October 28, 2004, 10:00:00 AM »
Karma ,yep, Im counting on it.

The people hated to stand at end of my row. They knew they'd have to take a withdraw request from me. :grin:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #17 on: October 28, 2004, 10:19:00 AM »
Well said Graduate!

If one of those misbehaviors even tried to put their hands on me I would have tore their ass up!
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Offline Dr. Miller Newton

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« Reply #18 on: October 28, 2004, 10:26:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-10-28 07:19:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Well said Graduate!



If one of those misbehaviors even tried to put their hands on me I would have tore their ass up!"


And you would have been helping them get Straight!  Glad to know I can count on you for the side of the group in the new, improved, all-ages Straight, Inc. v2.0!  With Awareness like yours, well be cranking out 7 Steppers in no time!  Keep working your program! Love ya!
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Teenage Drug Use Is A Disease

Offline Froderik

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« Reply #19 on: October 28, 2004, 12:55:00 PM »
I know what you're saying. I was pissed when this newc I was holding onto in the parking lot decided to try to break and run. He didn't succeed in doing anything but spraining my arm.
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Offline Sophie

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« Reply #20 on: October 28, 2004, 05:24:00 PM »
I'm no karma expert, but my suspicion that "bad Karma" is somehow related to "intention", and therefore I do not fear karma from my time in straight, as my intentions were pure...or at least as honorable as they could be given the circumstances.  The "bad karma" I expect will come as a result of my "recovery" from straight.
I recall one ...no two incidents with anger in my heart.

1.  Being seated next to a "misbehavior" who punched me in my face because my face was there. I remember this childs name and have wished very bad things for her.  For this, karmic retribution is likely.

2.  Having a newcomer tell me she was going to burn my house down and kill me in my sleep. (she had previously lit a mattress on fire in another program).  This child did not spend the night in my home that night.  The cops came to get her. I never made eye contact with her again.  For this, karmic retribution is likely.

As for the rest...I feel at peace with the way I treated others.. more time than not it was better than I treated myself.
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Offline mental torture made me li

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« Reply #21 on: October 28, 2004, 08:38:00 PM »
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Offline mental torture made me li

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« Reply #22 on: October 28, 2004, 08:44:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Pietra on 2005-02-18 16:07 ]
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Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #23 on: October 28, 2004, 09:06:00 PM »
Yep, everyday !!! 6 months of that and they wern't sad to see me go.

I agree on the intention topic. I believe there were many who had no ill intetion, but some were pure evil.

I really cared about many, many people in there, especially some of my oldcomers. That is the reason I didn't try to hurt them to run.I am not a selfish person. Like Frod said about his arm, I didn't wanna do that.

Also there were times when some other misbehavior was getting it real bad, so I'd make a scene to take the attention off them.Sometimes I endured so others could have some peace.


PS, Wow, we have High jacked this thread, sorry
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #24 on: October 28, 2004, 10:28:00 PM »
Well, I sort of agree on the karma issue. I just think that karma is, by no means, sure. It's all about luck, chance and serendipity. Say you're having a bad day and snap at some nice person for no good reason at all, never even knowing that they were having a bad year themselves and, in that moment, you pushed them over the edge. You might run into them again or you may not. You might, in your old age, find yourself helpless and in the care of this mother's child, who suffered the 'kick the dog' syndrome that you helped to cause. Or, of course, you might not. Some people are just lucky that way.

People who enjoy evil do it more frequently and closer to home and are, therefore, more likely to step in their own shit.

That's why I hated writing obs more, even, than I hated being a newcomer. I'd sort of slid by without either contradicting the doctrine enough to get myself in big trouble or really taking a very active role in fucking w/ others. I remember thinking that I had to come up w/ something negative about someone once in awhile or staff would think I was being too weak or cliquing (not "clicking" !!!) w/ people. But I damned sure wanted to get out!

I hope I never really fucked anybody up. I tried not to.

the war on drugs is but one manifestation, albeit a very dramatic one, of the great moral contests of our age -- the struggle between two diametrically opposed images of man: between man as responsible moral agent, 'condemned' to freedom, benefiting and suffering from the consequences of his actions; and man as irresponsible child, unfit for freedom, 'protected' from its risks by agents of the omnicompetent state.
--Thomas Szasz

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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline Froderik

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« Reply #25 on: October 28, 2004, 11:50:00 PM »
Quote
People who enjoy evil do it more frequently and closer to home and are, therefore, more likely to step in their own shit.

This might make a nice addition to the auto-quoter..
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Offline LibertyBelle

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« Reply #26 on: February 18, 2005, 12:10:00 AM »
My mind is just positively blown by how crazy that place was.  Straight broke our spirits through countless abuses before turning us into abusers.  Even still we resent and have little compassion for those on the "phase" above us.  Each phase brought its very own version of hell and the dreaded rap that went with it.  The higher you got the further you had to fall; survivor of the fittest on steriods, really.     The rap lasted just as long but there were fewer asses to rip.  Yes, that rap after Open Meeting sucked.  What was it called and what was that AWFUL song that would always ring it in?  The 1-3 phasers hated the fourth phasers for all that "pssting" and "flicking" and "stomping" and "snorting" but if they didn't do it the 5th phasers would have their asses.  It was the same for the Obs pads (and all they represented).  I remember being the only 5th phase girl FOREVER which meant that every single thing that happened on the "Girls Side" was my fault.  If I didn't "handle it" appropriately I ran the risk of starting all over (what was that called?).  Which, by the way, happened to me at 3rd, 4th and 5th phase.  My ass was ripped every single 5th phase rap at length (by all men, no less).  The truth is that as long as you're yelling at someone else it isn't you who's being yelled at.  Mostly I just prayed that I'd make it through the session without starting over.  That I could figure out what to say, how to stand, how to react, what to do so that they'd take mercy on me.  I couldn't commence because they're weren't any other 5th phase girls.  The entire Girls Side hated me because I was on 5th phase.  After 15 months the thought of starting over was more than I could bear - I would have done anything to get out of there.  Including whatever I had to do with the obs pad.
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Offline Botched Programming

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« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2005, 11:42:00 AM »
I hated the "OBS pads" I lived in fear that the 5th phaser writing in it was always out to get me. And for a long time it instilled a fear of what others thought of me, a need for me to gain others approval. I was either kissing ass or being mean and hateful because I didn't get it.

Today like it or not I'm just me.

Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green deep woods. Here grow the wallflower and the violet. The squirrel will come and sit upon your knee, the logcock will wake you in the morning. Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill. Of all the upness accessible to mortals, there is no upness comparable to the mountains.
-- John Muir

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Offline PerfectStraightling

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« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2005, 02:08:00 PM »
Oh the song was, Girls and guys side, they're showing lots of pride, etc. It started out with that Na Na Na Na Na that each side would sing. I can't remember all of it. They always started that rap with that song. I don't know if I ever even knew all the words, I just sort of made up some words for part of it I think.
Starting all over was called getting started over.
I ran away after I made 3rd phase, and reading your post makes me very, sorry to say it, but grateful.
How did you finally leave, did you graduate?

PS I sent you an email.
Jane
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Offline LibertyBelle

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« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2005, 02:26:00 PM »
Oh that's right!  NA NA NA NA.....  *shudder*  Yes, I did finally graduate.  Completed aftercare and everything.  Almost married a counselor, in fact.  Then I realized, uh, I'm neither a drug addict nor an alcoholic.  Then I actively repressed the entire experience.  

Thanks, Jane, I received (and responded to) your email.  I appreciate your words of welcome.
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