I wrote this in the TBPITW string:
something like that
just wondering>
So yes I totally know what you are talking about only thing different is never took medication
Sometimes I wonder if I have been depressed for about the last seventeen years. I currently still experience a low to medium level paranoia/anxiety around people in general. This anxiety has been worse lately and when I ask myself what it is that I am SO anxious about, it is a straight type of thing like "they are going to ostracize me, all of them" or they are going to yell at me, humiliate me, sum up my character based on a mistake and that will be it, no one will like me." A nebulous fear of PEOPLE in the general sense. Certain contexts are much worse than others, like when I am forced to interact with a set of strangers for an extended period of time.
I have happy things in my life, and a lot to be thankful for, but it has been a long hard road since Straight.
I think you might be right about the OCD thing, too.