has anybody been able to talk about Cedu in therapy?

[Anonymous]

i am going to pre-marital counseling with my fiancee, and i know i need to talk about what went on there.....but fucking A, i can't.  i have so many memories, and fears because of that, and i just don't know if i can talk about it.  i told our therapist a little bit, just a light overview, but i started crying and i couldn't talk about it anymore.  does anybody feel like they will get in trouble if they do this?  i mean, i was at Ascent for 6 weeks, and not the schools (my parents couldn't afford it, Thank God), and i have nightmares and it is 10 years later.  any advice?

[Anonymous]

Its post traumatic stress syndrome.  I am not a therapist but some others on this site are and they would verify that these programs were NOT therapeutic.  THe opposite.

I will say this: I wish I had gone through pre-marital counseling.  I think if you are still dealing with the ramifications of Ascent then he should know so he can support you through this. Also, maybe it would help to get therapy for yourself first as a licensed therapist can help you explain to him about what you went through.

Whatever you do, make sure you are marrying someone who is kind and good to you (and you the same to them, of course) because after Ascent you don't need someone who just compounds the damage in your life.  I know I regressed after a very bad marriage and actually, a lot of CEDU stuff resurfaced.

I don't know why you would get in trouble for it.
If your therapist doesn't seem sensitive to this issue its not because you are wrong--its because they are ignorant.  Many people don't know "therapeutic" boarding schools/programs are actually cults.  So take charge of your therapy and just try someone new until you get a good fit.

Good Luck!!

[Anonymous]

no, she was sensitive to it, very much.  she is a trained, licensed therapist, our church doesn't do it, so they recommended this person.  she was very nice and supportive when i was talking, but i just remember how we couldn't tell our parents in our letters home how it really was, and how they brainwashed our parents, and everytime i try to bring it up to them, they get angry and say it wasn't as bad as i think it was.  bullshit!  i know what i saw there, i know what i went through, i know the damage in me because of it.  i just don't know how to express it, other than on this board.  i know i can say anything here, and people will understand.  but, how can i talk about it with anybody who doesn't understand?

and my FI is very supportive about it.  he knows, even though i haven't really told him.  every once in a while, we will smoke, and then a few times i just started rambling on about how terrible it was, and some of the stuff the counselors were saying to us, etc.  and he was so shocked!  i know he has a hard time dealing with it, like he wants to help me but doesn't know how, and i don't know what he can do other than give me a hug when i'm sad.  rambling again over here!  

thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

Hey, hugs from a good person is good therapy.

It's tough when your parents don't get it.  I never talked about it for 15 years until I found this site.  This site has been vindicating.  

Many parents don't want to get it and sometimes just reading and posting can help.  Some people on this site are pretty graphic in their hatred of the programs.

One thing you could do is write your parents a letter about your experiences with real examples from this site.  Some ex-staff post here and totally confirm what you've been through.

At the end of the day, sometimes the only thing you have is your own truth and belief in it, validated by the people who have been through the same thing.

[Berkies]

Yes I talk about it all the time in therapy. I have been seeing the same therapist for 4 years and i thought by now i would be over it but im not. So when i get the courage to talk about it i do. I am also engaged to be married when my fiance comes back from Iraq but before we get married we want to do some therapy together. I think it is really hard to tell anyone what happend there. I was manipulated into saying things that werent true and ended up getting people in trouble and i am very ashamed in that and i am also ashamed of all the other things that they, meaning some of the staff, glorified about me. My fiance is the only person i can be totally honest with about everything and even when i was telling him my story i was just feeling so embarassed the whole time. So basically im trying to say that it will be hard but the only way you can make progress is by talking about it. My stupid step mom always makes comments about how i shouldnt be thinking about and and how i should be over it by now. WRONG!!! I thought i was the only one who thought about it all the time untill i found this website and now i feel more normal! ::alieneyesa::

[Hell on Wheels]

yeah, but it is weird, and hard. And I am a little resistant. But hey, it's my money, I can do what I want to. My therapist reads this board too. She's trying to help. But we not only have to undo CEDU, we have to work on past shit also, so it is a little tough. Its the hardest when she tries to give me direction. I know she is tryiong to help, but I cannot do writing assignments anymore, nor can I do much E.G. work at all.

[Anonymous]

Honestly this site is my therapy. Only those who have been know what I've experienced. I've never even tried to explain it to someone else.

Right now, I'm an obsessive poster and hopefully over time I can let it go.  

Some of the posts are so hatefullly vindictive its a real turn off. It feels too much like the abuse I suffered. But for the most part, its just plain validating.  

An example, is Hell on Wheels. Some earlier posts really freaked me out a little even though I could understand a lot of what he said.  But in later posts I came to appreciate his humor, humanity, articulation, and perspective.

We're all unique but bonded by this common experience.

[Anonymous]

The other day I was telling a therapist about a boy at my school who admitted to taking the soiled tampons out of the garbage when he was emptying them on saturday morning cleanup. he evidentaly was smelling and licking them. I asked the therapist if it is likely that it really happened. I was confounded but he reminded that teenagers do do wierd shit. how many cases of beastiality did you hear about that happened while you were there? I remember a couple. It does seem to have been said about people that didn't graduate the program and left under mysterious circumstances...and then again there were some cases of mysterious circumstances, as well.
But the question was put to me whether i heard the guy admit it. He was on a full time and then he admitted it. i heard him personally on more than one occasion talk about the issue. It freaked me out a lot at the time, and I never told anyone about it, until mentioning it to this man. Now I think that this kid did not do the things he said he had done. I now think that he needed to feel bad and admit to doing something that got him the attention he needed. He created the issued within the confines of having to admit to something to staff. Who is going to understand that if they don't know how the place operates?
this kind of thing happened all the time to lesser degrees, I tried to explain. This psychiatrist thought my place sounded bizarre and wasn't a little amused when I described it as I had been trained to. As Emotional Growth. He bought me shot. We tried to ignore the fact that I brought the thing up.
He wants to talk more but it gives me the heebie jeebies just trying to describe what a profeet was like.