Sex

[Anonymous]

Earlier this month, my husband caught my son having sex with his girlfriend.It was alright with me in the first place for him to have a girlfriend, and have sex, I just always made sure to tell him if he did, use a condom.
       My husband freaked out, had him sent to the hospital, etc for tests(which came back negative),and I guess for some reason the doctors convinced him to send him away to a bootcamp in Mexico.
       My son is 15 years old.He was always a Straight/Near A Student,Star Baseball pitcher.It seems like everyone(his grandma dad and doctors) except me thinks that he should be punished so he learns this behavior is not acceptable.
      He's been away for 2 weeks, and I really miss him :sad:.He is slated to be away for 3 more months, and this is really taking a chunk out of our pockets, and I don't think it's neccessary(especially after reading some of the posts here).Im compiling statements from here, to present to my husband.I hope he reconsiders this.Is there a chance that doctors might be payed for suggesting these programs?
      What do you guys think about the whole situation?

[Sarah Doorn]

Dear Maam, I am sorry you and your son were dragged into this world of "Teen-Help". We can all agree that sex, especially unprotected, can be a bad decision for teenagers. But we can also agree that people are bound to make mistakes, Especially Teenagers. One thing that I was compelled to say is to be aware of his treatment, or whatever you want to call the brainwashing that is going on in his "boot-camp". Please be prepared for the Counselors/Therapists to suggest that he go to a long-term program. Most likely it will not be because they care for his or others' safety, but because the bootcamp wants to keep you and your family trapped in this money-making industry.
I attended a "wilderness program" before my long-term program, and it's safe to say that your son has learned many valuable skills from his current program, as I did. Please DO NOT consider a long-term program after he completes this one. I am not in any position to tell any parent what to do, but I wanted to warn you against "long-term"(one to two years-and that's if he kisses ass) schools/programs.

[Anonymous]

Get all the information you can find, get the best lawyer that you can find, and get your son out of there. He might be in a great danger. The vast  majority of these programs are extremely abusive and dangerous to the lives and sanity of children.

[Anonymous]

On 2004-11-24 09:39:00, Anonymous wrote:

"       Earlier this month, my husband caught my son having sex with his girlfriend.It was alright with me in the first place for him to have a girlfriend, and have sex, I just always made sure to tell him if he did, use a condom.

Let me get this right.  You told him sex was okay as long as he used a condom but when he followed your guidance you sent him to a Mexican boot camp?  So what if your husband freaked out?  What are you a doormat?  Seems like you and your husband have some serious communication issues but your son should not be the scapegoat.

[Cleopatra2U]

On 2004-11-24 12:38:00, Anonymous wrote:
Let me get this right.  You told him sex was okay as long as he used a condom but when he followed your guidance you sent him to a Mexican boot camp?  So what if your husband freaked out?  What are you a doormat?  Seems like you and your husband have some serious communication issues but your son should not be the scapegoat.

Settle down, Dr. Phil.

Number one, we don't know all the particulars of this woman's situation.  She could be a non- or partial- custodial parent.  Most, if not all, of these  boot camps/specialty schools/treatment programs  require the consent of only one custodial parent; that consent is difficult to reverse.  I'd wager that the fact that this boot camp is located outside of the U.S. further complicates matters.

Number two, she wants to communicate with her husband with the help of these forums:
 

On 2004-11-24 09:39:00, Anonymous wrote:
Im compiling statements from here, to present to my husband.I hope he reconsiders this.

This lady has had something unfortunate and seemingly unnecessary happen to her son, and she is taking steps to fix it.  Hindsight is always 20/20, and yes, perhaps she and her husband could have communicated better before her son got sent away.  What's done is done, though, and it doesn't make sense to berate her when she is here looking for help.

[Nihilanthic]

You need to get your son back and divorce your husband. He's a fucking lunatic.

Teenagers fantasize, masturbate, and have sex if they can. This is the most hypocritical, and SUTPID action he could have taken. What, like you or your husband don't? We're MOSTLY adults here, lets try to act like some.

I'm dead, serious. If you don't want to lose your son FOREVER, get him back NOW, and ask him what they did to him. All you're doing is being inconsistent and sending him somwhere to be humiliated, degraded, treated like shit and more than likely beaten up and poorly fed for doing what you told him to.

He's also going to be very pissed at you and your husband when he returns, even if he 'finishes' and  hides it. And he has every right to be, too. His parents messed up and they need to fix their mistake NOW.

I'm sure you've read what goes on. Bootcamps are just psychological and physical torture no matter how you slice it.  If you did to your son what those mexicans were doing, especially for something as stupid as DOING WHAT YOU TOLD HIM, you'd be rightfully put in jail.

What kind of humanism expresses its reluctance to sacrifice military casualties by devastating the civilian economy of its adversary for decades to come?  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684855674/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> Henry Kissinger

[Anonymous]

If I were you I would tell my husband "GO TO HELL" and go get my child. Sex is very common nothing abnormal, was your husband a virgin before he married? some how i find that unlikely. I think you should not sweat the small stuff,   go get your child!!!!

[Anonymous]

You told a 15 year old it is okay to have sex?   How is wearing a condom teaching respect for the opposite sex?  I have a 15 year old boy and though he is physically mature for his age, he's still emotionally immature when it comes to healthy relationships with girls.  This behavior is not okay in your husband's eyes.  Denial on your part is not helping.  I don't agree that a boot camp will instill the values he is hoping for as far as respect for women, but who knows what kind of a boot camp it is.  It could have just what he and your family needs.

[Anonymous]

Surely your not implying that mom defer to dad's values, are you?... because dad's values are in line with your own? Denial???
Zero tolerance doesn't work.
Accurate information does.
Mom showed a great deal of responsibility for having an open discussion with her teen.
Ultimately, do you really think you'll stop a 15 yr old from having a sexual encounter if that's what they choose to do?  :lol:  :lol:
Guess that is one reason we have so many teen warehouses.
It's just not healthy to deny your sexuality. Nature doesn't make mistakes and ignorant humans can't control nature. You control freaks need to learn how to work with nature not against it.

[Nihilanthic]

A total destruction of his psyche and self-esteem and wellbeing through extreme physical mistreatment and being humiliated for having sex at 15 is.... stupid.

You might as well cut off a finger he uses to pick his nose. I bet you're the same parent who won't even talk to his/her kids about masturbating, other than say its wrong.

You learn how to handle the opposite sex by being around them and interacting. I had a LOT of female friends before a girlfriend and I don't 'appreciate women', I see them as just people. I don't differentiate by gender. Its stupid. But even if you DO insist on it, just let him go interact and LEARN. He's FIFTEEN. Teach him what he needs to know but ultimately it has to come from within.

Being emotionally raped isn't gonna help him with that. A stupid bootcamp isn't anything but degredation, coersion, suffering, and an attempt at brainwashing (or indoctrination if you want to call it that) when he's at his emotional and mental lowpoint. It won't fix anything, just make him suffer and piss him off. The only tangible effect I can see it having is he'd be terrified to do anything from fear of being sent there again.

The right of self-defense is the first law of nature . . and when the right of the people to keep and bear arms is, under any color or pretext whatsoever, prohibited, liberty, if not already annihilated, is on the brink of destruction.

--St. George Tucker, in his edition of Blackstone's Commentaries

[Kiwi]

On 2004-11-24 09:39:00, Anonymous wrote:

My son is 15 years old.He was always a Straight/Near A Student,Star Baseball pitcher.It seems like everyone(his grandma dad and doctors) except me thinks that he should be punished so he learns this behavior is not acceptable."

Let me propose an alternative way of teaching him.  Just say (repeat after me) "Sorry son but we have changed the rules.  It's not acceptable after all."

What your son needs is not a boot camp: its a crystal ball.