On 2005-04-10 07:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
" Hi,
I too, am a graduate of one of these programs (mentioned on this site), and I too, feel the program was very beneficial to me. I NEVER was abused, nor did I witness any abuse while there (mid 1980's).
I can not say that there was NO abuse in any program, as I wasn't there at all of them, but I agree that many posters on this site are just bitter adults, who choose not to get what they could from the program, want to blame someone else for their current problems and use the program they were in as a good excuse to complain about their less-than-happy lives. (NOT all, but MANY).
If you read through these postings, you see them talking about doing drugs now, threatening bodily harm to previous staff, and getting into juvenile cursing-matches with anyone who disputes their claims.
If some of them really were abused in these programs, I'll be the FIRST to say that it's AWFUL and I'm sorry they went through it. At the same time, most of these people have aged and it's been DECADES since being in a teen program, yet they still haven't decided to DEAL with their issues and MOVE ON. That IS a decision an adult can make - whether to deal with issues healthily, or continue to blame others, etc.
The program was not something I wanted, as it was difficult, but I did learn a lot and it made me a better person. Not to mention ALL the great friends I made and still have today.
Would be happy to answer any questions you may have of me.
Kim"
I certainly disapprove of recreational use of illegal psychoactive drugs. I can't, right off the top, think of anyone here who actually advocates that. I can think of a quite few who think that the way for them to deal with illicit drug use in their children is to apply normal, effective parenting methods instead of shipping their child off to a facility, though.
There are a very few program survivors, usually kids who just got out and are posting anonymously, who threaten bodily harm to particular staffers where they were. Mostly, since there's no history of *anyone* who posted on Fornits grousing about same actually going and hurting someone, I figure these kids are dealing with fresh hurts and blowing off steam in one of the first safe places they've found. It doesn't make it right, but a little bit of adult maturity applied to understanding those poor kids goes a long way.
As far as "juvenile cursing matches" goes, if you think that a bit of harsh language online, not in person, over some emotionally-charged experiences is a problem, then your own level of maturity is highly suspect.
Personally, most of the people I've seen who have been out for "decades" have moved beyond what happened to them personally and just use their personal experiences to explain the problem while they try to keep the same or similar bad things from happening teenagers today.
They have moved on. They've moved on to using their personal experiences to try to help others.
In many cases, they're trying to help parents whose children *don't* need to be involuntarily committed realize that there are alternatives and find effective alternatives. When parents come on here whose child *does* need to be involuntarily committed, they're trying to help that parent find quality care and avoid being defrauded by facilities that misrepresent the services they offer.
If day hospitalization, or the real Outward Bound, or alternative school, or emancipation, or living with a relative, or outpatient therapy, or conventional boarding school---if one of those helps a child *without* having to put that child in a lock down RTC---What's it to you?
If parents with children whose primary problem is serious mental illness choose facilities that specialize in treating mental illnesses and don't take non-mentally-ill juvenile delinquents, and the mentally ill child is helped---What's it to you?
If parents of a juvenile delinquent allow that child to go into juvenile detention and the kid gets his or her wake-up call and improves his or her behavior *without* the parents paying thousands of dollars a month---What's it to you?
Most of the people I see on here who were in a program as kids and have a problem with what happened there just try to help parents do a better job of matching the care to the kid.
Were you here when we were talking to CHI3 when she had her daughter at Carolina Springs?
We didn't try to tell her that she was wrong for trying to change her daughter's dangerous behavior. What we did was helped her figure out what questions she needed to ask to find out if what she was getting was what she thought she was buying, and was what her daughter needed.
It turns out that the conversations helped her refine her search for what would help her daughter, and it turned out that what she was getting wasn't what she thought she'd been buying after all, and it turns out that her daughter is now getting help that CHI3 and the rest of her family are much happier with.
CHI3's story is fairly typical of why I'm here. She came here, she got some ideas to think about in figuring out for herself what questions she needed to ask, and her family is getting what they feel they need at a price they can better afford (as far as I can tell)---care that is much more precisely targetted to their individual situation.
Think of Fornits as a cooperative educational consulting resource.
The people who set their examples out here for parents to see---and everyone sets an example, good or bad---at least *try* to help parents refine their ideas of what their child's specific problem is and what kind of specialized treatment is most likely to help *their* child.
I'm against one-size-fits-all treatment for teen behavior and mental health problems. What's so wrong with that? I'm not against treatment. I just think it's more effective to get a treatment for what you specifically have than to pick up a bottle that someone's hawking as a cure for whatever ails you and take a swig.
Okay, you feel you were helped, and if you've been out more than five years, I'll take your word for that.
But kids who are put in the very same facility you were who are not you and whose problems are different from yours could well have very different experiences.
Abuse and trauma and bad experiences are all far less likely when the treatment methods and treatment facility are targetted specifically to the degree and type of problem found in that specific kid.
To me, that's just common sense.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, but if you've "moved on" so much, why would you have a problem with that?
I must be missing something. I *probably* am, because I don't really get why you felt the need to say what you just have.
Are there trolls on Fornits? Sure. Are there juvenile people--usually actual juveniles? Sure. Are there people--like me---who are usually mostly reasonable but occasionally lose it? Sure. It's an unmoderated forum, just like Usenet newsgroups, and you get a mixed bag. So what?
Most of the people I see who had bad experiences decades ago have chosen the remedy of trying to speak out for the treatment being better targetted to the kid. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. To me, that seems like a healthy way to deal with a bad memory.
We're looking at the same Forum, but we're seeing very different things. I'm not sure I "get" why.
Timoclea
Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves
--Ronald Reagan
