The last thing i ever wanted to be.

[starry-eyed pirate]

i was just over on the alumni site, checkin' it out and lookin' for people that i know.  At first that site just felt a little strange to me but after about 2 hours of lookin' around over there an overwhelming feeling of disgust began to take hold of me.  i began to feel sick in my heart as i began to realize that by registering myself as an alumni i was identifying myself as the very rapists and kidnappers who tortured and imprisoned me for 2 years of my life.  When i accepted the title of alumni a very subtle shift began to take place within my consciousness and some kind of a dichotomy began to arise.  i suddenly felt as if i was betrayin' myself and my friends who have died.

Str8 stole so much from me. Took me away from my brother and sister.  Turned my parents against me.  Took me away from my friends and my girlfriend.  Robbed me of my rights, especially my right to self-determination, and then used those stolen rights to force changes in my behavior and thought patterns through blackmail.  They took me out of the world just when i should have been finding my place in it.  They cut out my tongue and made me speechless.  They put me in chains and stripped my body and mind naked.  They raped my concsiousness daily and inflicted pain on me the likes of which i have not known before or since. Pain that i still feel now.  Pain that never ends. They wanted to erase me from the world.  They wanted to destroy me utterly.  i have no doubt that they would have killed me if they could have gotten away with it.  They did kill my friends.  i will never forget you Steve Mathews, you taught me so much.  They hunted me as if i were less than human.  They took my dignity and my integrity.  They made me ugly and weak, because they feared my beauty and strength.  

Sometimes the posts on this forum get really lame, with all the bickerin' and small time little insult wars 'n' such but i see now where the real fighters are.  i see now where the real struggle is.  You people are all beautiful to me.  i am ashamed that i even joined that yahoo group if only for 2 days.  i have since quit that site forever.  i am not an alumni.  i am a cop-out. The last thing i ever wanted to be was a str8 inc. alumni. " Like Daniel out of the lions' den" (Bob Marley) i'm a survivor.

Fuck str8.  Fuck all authority.  God is in each of us.  We are creation itself. The soul of the Sun is in the marrow of our bones.  

Peace.

 - starry-eyed pirate :skull:  :skull:   :skull:  

_________________
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

[Antigen]

Oh! Have you come accross Kelly yet? Check out http://webdiva.com/ I'm sure you guys should hook up.

Also, I'm a longstanding member of Don's list, though I never considered myself an alumni and never will. I rarely ever go there now. But it's nice to have that contact in case I have news to share or am looking for specific info or ppl for some reason. FWIW, I don't think that list ever really became what Don initially intended; a bunch of entheusiastically grateful Straightlings. Instead, I think it changed Don's outlook somewhat.

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the sources of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0679737898/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>P. J. O'Rourke

[Anonymous]

I don't think the name matters really.  I mean.  I can see that it does in the big picture. However, individual views are shared, and I have yet to come accross one that was PRO str8 inc.  Well, at least not amoungst the current 'regulars'.  I think for the sake of us being to broke and too lazy to do anything about it, most of us are willing to just pretend we don't notice it.  

It's not like it realllly means anything.

I can see what u mean about 'alumni' though.

It was a bit misleading when I saw it the first time.  I almost felt like I was rejoining a cult, lol.   But, really, I went to Widener University.  And I am Alumni from Widener.  Whether I graduated or not, or liked it or not, I still am Alumni.  

Although  --  Str8 wan't exactly a private university.

hmmm...   so there are two sides to this...

I am just seeing the frienships getting tossed in the process.  Personally I make the decision to be impartial.  It doesn't matter.  I can overlook it until an alternative can be 'reasonably' reached.

There are opportunity costs to doing both.  And really, since I don't think it will happen one way or the other, why worry about it.   Think of it as an accident that we have to deal with.

It isn't OUR decision anyway.

I for one don't have time to keep up with more than one site.  And, I really don't wanna have to chase you around Christine, lol...   I mean, what the hell, you can't really be leaving.  Who will I 'relate' to...lol

Ughhh...   what is this world coming to?  Can't we all just get along...

LOL

Love ya  (hope ya don't mind my 2 cents  --  or was that more like 10?)

Peace

Kelly C.

[starry-eyed pirate]

i was gonna quote your post so many times that i just gave up and anyway i don't really know how to do all that stuff. i think your words reveal much.

You wrote: "...most of us are willing to just pretend we don't notice it..."  What exactly is it that you are tryin' to ignore??  What is it that you would rather not look at??  What is it that you feel and yet do not want to acknowledge ??

You can see what i mean and yet "it's not like it really means anything"  What do you mean??  Are you sayin' that you can see how i would feel sick and disgusted with myself for identifyin' myself as an alumni, for identifyin' with the very people who took so much from me and others around me, who would've stopped at nothing in order to further there own agenda, whether that meant the rape and sacrifice of the minds, the rape and sacrifice of the vital drive,the rape and sacrifice of the future lives of young and intelligent kids who were not so blind as to accept a lie.

Are you sayin' that it means nothin' to be raped?? should i wave the flag of those who have oppressed me ??  Should i endorse a crime against defenseless minors?? Would i be a rapist, myself ??  Would i kill if i could get away with it??  

It is not my intention to alienate anyone, but i feel as though the term "alumni" condones and even justufies a brutal crime.  That str8 symbol of the black and red heart with the black lines through it is like a swastika to a jew.  i have to seriously question anyone who doesn't see my point.  i don't think i could even trust someone who wasn't completely sickened by the mere presence of that symbol.  

i know that there must be good people over there on that site.  i have been told that the people over there are fighters too. i know that, that must be true but i just wonder how they can live with themselves.  There is a very subtle power at work in the nature of words and symbols and i am afraid that some people still don't understand the depth of the invasion into their minds, into their spirits.  

Maybe i am confused but i think my instincts are right. Fuck Str8. i refuse to accept their brainwash.  i refuse to break under their threats and manipulations.  i am immune to the disease which they would give to me.  Fuck Str8. i will not carry their disease to others, i will not let it infect me.  Fuck oppression.  Fuck fear.

None the less, i hear ya Kelly and respect your feelin's and see the difficulty in all of this.  i don't know what else to write about it.  There is just too much pain.

[Anonymous]

Fuck the Alumni site.  Fuck Don and fuck every other non-druggy around here and there.

[Antigen]

It's very telling that that's the closest thing to a Str8inc support group anywhere. You must admit that's funny as hell, no?

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, American poet

[Anonymous]

Goddammit Ginny, Your always speaking in these fucking riddles I can't quit understand.  Get off the weed, smoke some speed and tell Gregfl I said "Fuck You" :wave:
Then your communication skills shall improve to the sublevel of my comprehention.

[Nonconformistlaw]

I cant figure out the quote thing either, anyway Pirate...You said...in your two posts...
------?Sometimes the posts on this forum get really lame, with all the bickerin' and small time little insult wars 'n' such but i see now where the real fighters are. i see now where the real struggle is. You people are all beautiful to me. i am ashamed that i even joined that yahoo group if only for 2 days. i have since quit that site forever. i am not an alumni. i am a cop-out. The last thing i ever wanted to be was a str8 inc. alumni. " Like Daniel out of the lions' den" (Bob Marley) i'm a survivor. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. God is in each of us.?-------

------?Maybe i am confused but i think my instincts are right. Fuck Str8. i refuse to accept their brainwash. i refuse to break under their threats and manipulations. i am immune to the disease which they would give to me. Fuck Str8. i will not carry their disease to others, i will not let it infect me. Fuck oppression. Fuck fear.?------

For what its worth...I dont think you have anything to be ashamed of....it wasn't an act in support of the devil  ::rainbow::

[starry-eyed pirate]

Thanks Noncomformistlaw.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-08-09 10:07:00, Reagan Youth wrote:

"Fuck the Alumni site.  Fuck Don and fuck every other non-druggy around here and there.




"

:smokin:  :smokin:  :smokin:  :smokin:  :skull: