Conversion: the "Three Day Miracle"

[cleveland]

I was 19 when I entered the Seed. I was home for the summer from my freshman year at college, and my younger brother, who I vaguely realized was away at a drug rehab, came home for a visit. He was SO alert, bright, sober - relentlessly positive. I couldn't get over it. We stayed up all night talking, and he was begging me to come into the Seed. I would be so happy! My life would change. Just come to an Open Meeting!

So I did. Row after row of kids, girls on one side, guys on the other. Singing. Laughter. Tears. Moving testimonials. Shouts of, We Love You!

Then an interview with Scott, the senior staff in Cleveland. What do you have to lose, he says. You're a smart guy - you can see there's something going on here. I guarantee you'll be a happier person. I guarantee it!

So - I'm thinking. Why not? Look at my brother! Those kids all look so happy. Meanwhile, at this point in my life, I'm really unhappy. About everything - my life, my family, my girlfriend - and also something more. I am really depressed. I was having panic attacks and I was afraid I was losing my mind. Or maybe it was the drugs? I smoked weed and drank. Maybe that was it.

So, here I am, two weeks from going back to college, and the day after I go to an open meeting, I say, what the hell, and I say yes, I will enter the seed. Yeah!

Except. Now the fun is over. I closely questioned about my drug use by an unfriendly staff member (Bob W.) who treats my every statement as if it is a big lie. I am strip searched - full body cavity - and given some really uncool, dorky clothes to wear, courtesy of my brother, I think.

I am brought into the Rap room - all eyes on me. This is Walter - "WE LOVE YOU, WALTER!" Oh god. I'm embarrased, ashamed, confused. Sat down on the infamous Front Row during the Rules rap. A jab on my back - 'eyes forward!'

Oh my god. What have I done. I am now in deep Seed Shit. I want to run, but from now on, every move is watched, every thought exposed, every private moment obliterated.

Before too long, I am enlisted to me my own jailor. That's when you graduate.

Always a part of me knew that this was wrong. But the Seed said, hey, either you're a part of the solution, or you're a part of the problem. The seed promised me a new world, transformed by the Seed into one of love and honesty. Who doesn't want to be part of the solution?

And then, you really do love the people you're with. After all, you spend day upon day in isolated, intensly interpersonal contact. You bond. So, finally, you warp your own thoughts to conform, to be a part of the solution. And I had the Senior staff to look up to, and of course, our hero, Art.

But now I wonder, what about the Senior staff? They are still there. What were they thinking? They had to have doubts, and some did leave or were started over on the front row. How did they justify this to themselves, voluntary slavery.

At the seed, they called this the Three Day Miracle - voluntary self-slavery.

[GregFL]

great post. Ihave in my possession a letter written by one of the inner core people to their sibling begging them to come to the seed.

In this letter he says..."The seed isn't a drug rehab, it is..I am not sure but it is much more than that".

I am paraphrasing because I don't have the letter in front of me, but pretty creepy, eh?

[cleveland]

Seven years, Greg. Each year it got harder to believe the lie, but I still thought I was 'doing the right thing' by being a part of it.

By the way, does this forum get threats, attempts to shut it down? I imagine there are some pretty connected individuals who don't want these stories told.

[GregFL]

Not anything of substance Cleveland. I think free speech is a powerfull right we have in this country, and we all have the right to tell our story, and with your brothers help maybe it will be told properly one day.

[Antigen]

The threats do come in fairly regularly, though. Most often, it's not powerful connected people, though. It's Program entheusiasts on the order of the Wendy's unofficial spokesman, only really pathetic. And usually not relating to programs that have already changed names, but ones that are active now. Though Calvina Fay did threaten to sue me over some material at http://fornits.com/anonanon/ and the same lawyer sent a letter of demand over someone else's website on Mel Sembler that the author had advertised here.

I'm still under suite by PURE ( http://helpyourteen.com ) and I guess I and my hosting provider have about a dozen letters from various schools and programs threatening action, but not naming any specific content.

Life may have no meaning.  Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0912800909/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>Ashleigh Brilliant

[cleveland]

Interesting.

I really didn't know about much of this besides The Seed; pretty amazing.

I looked up WWASPS in an online dictionary, and it came up with some damning evidence:

http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.c ... nd+Schools

Keep up the good work!

[cleveland]

Why is there a suit by PURE? I read their webpage and it is anti WWASPS.

There is so much more to this than I would have thought.

[GregFL]

Long story cleveland, and really in my opinion just a missed attempt to gag free speech. I fully expect it to go away, but I can say this because I am not a party to the suit. It is best left alone right now until it goes away...which I believe and hope it soon will. My final word is that Ginger deserves a lot of credit for putting herself out here by providing vision, bandwith and software for these forums.

Meanwhile, if we keep doing what we are doing, bringing this discussion out into the open, the truth will find its way. We welcome all opinions to this forum and all participants because we firmly believe this is the only way the truth will be known. All forums here are totally unmoderated with the exception of  The seed discussion forum which is only moderated for personal attacks...anything else here is open game.  I will vehemently defend anyone's right to post their opinon here and will defend any and all from personal attacks no matter what their position or opinion.

I think we are hijacking an interesting thread with this diversion. Your initial post deserves more attention than we are giving it.

Seven Years?  WOW. I was in the seed for about 7 months and it had a profound affect on me. Seven years is a long long time. You know more about the seed than perhaps all of us.

Tell me one thing...where the hell is Maggie Canfield and where the hell is Suzie Connors and John Underwood?  I would so like to talk to one of these people.  Last I saw of Suzie Connors I was working in the Lauderhill mall in the record store and she came in and bought the "saturday night live" album for a friend at christmas. Her comment was...."she likes disco..I no nothing about this shit, which is a good album". This was the only thing she would say to me but she was polite.  Maggie I had seen about a 1 1/2 year earlier and spoke to her briefly in the same mall. their group home was right down the street in an apartment complex, the same one where I had my confrontation with Art Barker.

[cleveland]

Staff was totally different in my day. It is possible that Suzy Connors and John Underhill came to the Seed when I was there; they were kind of legendary.

Seven years was a long, long time. I missed the early days of intense activity; I came in after it was a voluntary program and you couldn't be sent in by the courts, or by your parents against your will.

Robert Chun (Chung?) came in from time to time. His visit was always special and he was always accompanied by Art. He was one of two African Americans I remember.

I was around enough to be close to the inner core, but I was never an insider. I was sort of a dutiful guy to run errands and help out, but I was never entrusted with real status. I think this is because I was honest enough to have doubts, and self-depricating enough to think that I was the problem.

After seven years, I had tried to branch out. I wanted to work with my hands in a boatshop; I was told no. I wanted to study art; I was told "art is kind of a feminine thing, and artist are weird people, aren't they?" - I wanted to date someone (Sr. staff no less - what was I thinking?!) and I was told, "she loves everybody" (and I thought I was special!). So, I remember on my seventh anniversary, I got a plain card that said, "seven years is a long time" - that's it - signed by the woman (or "chick") that I was in love with.

And I though, It sure the fuck is! It wasn't long after that that I left.

So, I have been in two of Art's houses, on his boat, lived with some of the senior staff, and played way too much football on the beach (I was probably the only one who hated this more than Raps!)

Art, Libby and staff were always pleasant to me, in spite of the fact that I could not be myself and was intensely repressed and unhappy, it is hard for me to think of them as evil people. Mislead, misinformed...I never saw physical punishment (but plenty of shameful mental torture) and I did see kids with big problems "change" (or at least imitate) happy, hard working and sober people. But - what a cost. And look at all these other horrible programs that have taken mind control even further.

Yes, viva free speech!

[GregFL]

Cleveland, I don't think of them as evil either.

Misquided..yes.

Cult members...yes.

A tad weird....certainly.


But Evil? No way.

In their minds they were saving the world, they were "getting kids straight", they were fighting a war against a evil. In this rabid belief that they needed to save us kids at all costs, many people were emotionally and mentally harmed, many families were broken, many lives shattered.

On the anon anon home page, Ginger has a quote that I think says it best..

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of it's victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busy-bodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."
-- C.S. Lewis.

[GregFL]

As far as the physical harm, I did know of it occuring in St Petersburg. Mostly they would threaten  with bringing your parents in to do it. I don't think this was a long lived practice. I remember a girl with a black eye, and I have a St Pete Times article about a man being talked into coming in and repeatedly hitting his son in the face in front of staff.

 If you tried to escape you were thrown to the concrete floor and piled on. This I Saw first hand and even shamefully participated in it. If you misbehaved, they would stand you up, send you home with the biggest strongest kid and dare you to try to escape.

The violence It wasn't overt but it did happen (and is documented in the press) and was more used as an intimidation.

Still others have personal stories about being very young and physically assaulted at the Ft Lauderdale branch.

The boxing ring in Cleveland. I am told that small kids were purposely put in with big kids and took a beating in front of everybody.

These stories have been told. I think that the seed was so intense, our  minds were so full of other stuff, and that the violence angle really didn't mean much, at least to me at the time.

I also understand at other times and in other locations, things were milder. The seed morphed often as funding came and went, groups swelled and downsized, staff members came and went. And as time went on the average age of the inductee climbed to over 18...this is why so many of us have such varied experiences. The program was non- linear in its modalities.

[cleveland]

That quote is perfect.

The worst part of the whole experience, was that I was supported in the belief that I was (or had been) a bad person; that my former friends were liars, users, freaks and 'Druggies' (even if they'd never used drugs, they had a 'druggie' attitude); and that the Seed ideology and the staff that enforced it were virtually faultless.

I internalized the belief that, without the Seed, I was a loser. That I myself had 'fucked everything up' before I turned my life over to the Seed, and that on my own, I had been a bad influence on my friends, family, and society (I was 'part of the problem').

As part of the Seed, I saw other people as sick and deluded, and maybe bad. I saw myself as 'better' than others, but also knew I was potentially bad, because only the Seed made me 'straight.' And I always felt anxious, because, to my shame, I wasn't as perfect as I hoped to be.

Today, I see this same attiude in churches, schools, political parties - this cult-like certainty about right or wrong, black and white. I see it on the right, or course, but also on the left. It's human nature, if we allow ourselves to throw away reason, and allow ourselves to be manipulated, especially regarding things we feel ashamed of, like our bodies, sexuality, imperfection, social fears.

Whew! In some ways, I am glad that I went through the Seed, because I really think I was given an inside view of human nature. I had to tear myself down and build myself up, once as part of the Seed, once as an 'ex-Seedling.'

However, I wouldn't wish that on others. There must be a better way!



_________________
Wally Gator[ This Message was edited by: cleveland on 2004-09-18 10:02 ]

[Antigen]

You're right, Greg. It is a long and convoluted story, and not all that important. I rather expect it to go away too.

Know what's really messed up? I know Cleveland branch must have closed by `76 at the latest. So then, you're talking about up to around `82, right? For all that time, The Seed wasn't taking involuntary clients? I sure wish I had known that. I lived my life dreading intake till, in late `80, I wound up at Straight. All that time, before I knew Straight existed, I could have been very nearly sane if I had known my mom couldn't force me into The Seed. Hell, at the very least, I wouldn't have "volunteered" all those Sunday afternoons making sandwiches in Plantation Elementary's kitchen!

It continues to amaze me to talk to law students -- college
graduates all and smarter than the average bear -- who will
seriously tell me about how dangerous mj is and how it
destroys the lives of those who use it and who, in the
very next sentence, will tell me how they and their
friends -- now CPAs, engineers, med students -- used
pot regularly through high school and college.  And
they don't see the contradiction between these statements.

We're not just talking ignorance here -- we are talking
deep down, serious, religious indoctrination.


--Buford C. Terrell, Professor of Law, South Texas College of Law

_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Seed sibling `71 - `80
Straight South (Sarasota, FL)
   10/80 - 10/82
Anonymity Anonymous
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

[Scout]

Wally...I sure remember the name... I was also in Ft. Laud from 79'- 84'as a graduate and have many of the same memories and know all the folks you speak of.  For me, I had been a graduate for a few years and lived away from the seed but still felt I had no real direction but more than that, I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere.  When I came back down to the seed, it was like home.  I immediately moved in with the chicks, got a job, and spent every waking moment living and breathing the seed.  I remember I had a day off from work and I decided to stay home, you know, take some time for myself, relax, spend some time by the pool at Cranbrook Apts.  That was the last time I ever did that for 5 years.  I felt so guilty and selfish.  Everyone spent every available moment at the seed and if you didn't, something was wrong with you.  It always seemed wrong to me that it was okay to lie and take a day off from work to go into the seed, and it was perfectly okay with staff.  In fact, a person was almost praised for doing so.  There were so many times when I just wanted some time to myself but I was never alone.  The girls I lived with were very nice and I really made some life-long friends.  I am still friends with some to this day.  

I left because I wanted to have a life.  It took a while before I could re-adjust to the outside world because I had been taught to be so anti-social, reserved, judgemental.  Dating was a nightmare mainly because I had done so little of it, I didnt know the first thing to do.  In the 5 years I was in Ft.Laud., I didn't have one date and I was in my early twenties. It was pretty pathetic and I didn't see the opportunity happening anytime soon.  I really don't see how Art could expect any of the people there at that time to be satisfied with that lifestyle... which is why he wisend-up and started setting people up.  I think he realized if he didn't let people start having relationships with someone of the opposite sex, he was going to have a mutiny on his hands.  I have heard of a few leaving because they got in trouble "playing games" (In the outside world, it's simply flirting or light conversation with someone you are attracted to) or seeing someone on the sly.

Anyway, it is a little embarrassing and has taken a while to admit that I was a part of a cult.  While I was involved, I believed I was part of the greatest thing on earth and I could not see anything else.  Sure, I had doubts, questions, but I attributed them to not being grateful and if all these great people felt this way, I must make myself feel the same.  So many times when Art was in front of the group and everyone would be just gushing with admiration, I would think to myself, he's just a man, a person, just like us.  Doesn't anybody else see that??? He was good man with good intentions at the start but that changed when it slowed down and fewer and fewer people were coming on the program.  I think he realized he had to do something to keep us there.  That's when he would say in a rap that it's the "cream of the crop that are at the seed", the best, because "you have to be your best all the time to stay there"  and it's a "priviledge" to be at the seed.  So, of course, who wanted to look like a schmuck and leave and get on with their lives???  Art gave many people the chance to start over, and for many, he did save their lives, but he also used his power and influence to hold on to the ones that remained from about '84 till it closed in 2002.

I have enjoyed reading the posts and hearing names from the past.  It's strange.  It's like we were all a part of this group and will forever have a common link between us.  I am not bitter because I had the courage to leave and make my way in the world, but I understand those that are.  Do I have regrets...sure, I wish I had wisened-up sooner and left Ft.Laud. but I am grateful I did.  I have a wonderful life now.  

bye til next time......Scout

[GregFL]

Welcome Scout! Admitting you were in a cult, after the initial embarrasement wears off,is actually kinda cool. When I tell people my story they are usually astonished and just gotta hear more. I truly believe that the years you were there were the most strange..not the most abusive or the worst on the kids, but nevertheless it seems the people got older and stayed longer and if anything worshipped Art even more. I cracked up when someone posted that during football games if anyone blocked a pass to Art there would be a rap about it...what a hoot!



  You lived at Cranbrook apartments, eh? NExt to the lauderhill Mall?  That is where my confrontation story with Art took place...

I lived in Ft Lauderdale until from about 1976 to 1980, but I was post seed and wanted nothing to do with it.

You got in after Art ran for congress and after my incident at the poolside.

Any idea where Maggie or John or Suzie is?  Would love to here from them.