Found some ex staff...see if you recognize

[RMA_PG_63]

You and mudbone357 must have been there when i was there. 94-97 i was on sheila's team

[Anonymous]

To the grandparent Eric who's worried about his grand-daughter being in Monarch.

My child went to a different school out West but one that is very similar to Monarch---also at that time Tim Earle who helps run Monarch now (at least as of last year) was at the school we chose.  I can't say enough good things about Tim---if he's involved in your grand-daughter's case you've got something very good going for you right there.

And personally I got to know Tim really well---I just don't believe that he would be working at a school that wasn't good for kids (another thing you won't hear much of here---but I stand by it years later when my kid is an adult and doing great).

Families are difficult no question and it's really unfortunate that you've virtually raised this kid and now have limited access---but if they're allowing written coorrespondence with her it sounds like somebody must think that the bond with you is an important one.

Also, if Monarch is anything like the CEDU school that our kid attended (and I'm told that it is---)don't buy what you're hearing at this site about her not being able to write what she feels in her letters to you.  Our kid spent months writing us really hateful even cruel things until he got the anger out of his system---and he was never punished for doing so---the parent counselor we talked to explained that this was just part of the deal until he saw a better way

Maybe you could mend whatever fences separate you and your grand-child's parents and try to be a part of the whole thing---that's what we had to do with my ex-husband and his new wife in order to show solidarity for our child.  It takes some swallowing of pride I know and forgiveness and the chance that those you approach will just throw your words back at you---but this is a kid you love, right, what good is pride compared to that?? Maybe you could ask to talk weekly on the phone with a parent counselor or whatever structure they have out there, you know, find some way to part of the whole thing in a positive way.  At CEDU I saw birth parents and adoptive parents work together for the child's sake after years of fighting, it can happen

It's a terrible situation to send a kid away---a last resort for us---but for God's sake don't let the situation become a tug-of-war between you and your grand-child's parents, because she'll be the one who pays in the end.  Why not make something good come out of this even if it wouldn't have been the road you chose if you were in a position to do the choosing?

[shanlea]

Look lady, don't discount our experiences just because you feel yours was different. I know for a fact that our letters were censored and also monitored for content just as our phone calls were.  I WAS THERE!  Initial hateful letters may have been permitted because they just used it as a tool to say we were manipulating our folks and needed help. I know exactly what ahppened when you wrote soemthing the staff didn't appreciate, and I know for a fact, we were often told to re-write a letter according to CEDU specifications.  I had to do this even when I didn't write something acerbic. The thing CEDU liked most is when you wrote a letter cutting off your parent from contact. This way, you were COMPLETELY isolated. When Cedu, months later, forced a reconciliation, they looked like the hero.

However unpleasant, I know for a fact that much of what people like Idaho, Serb, Bryan, former therapists, and others say is truthful.  What they said about staff members is unfortunately, truthful.  

And believe me, Tim isn't exactly on a lot of people's Nice Guy list.  But snakes have a way of seducing people.

[Anonymous]

Oh, right, I can't "discount" your experience but you get to discount ours---I mean that's really fair isn't it?  


Just for the record I'm not calling you a liar---if you say that this is what happened when you were in school, then I'm not going to say that it wasn't---I wasn't there.  

But do us the same courtesy: we never, ever saw anything of the kind you're describing---this is what my child tells me now---and what I hear from others who attended at the same time.

On Tim Earle, we will have to agree to disagree also: bottom line: I trust my own judgement of his integrety and kindness.  I also know of severl alumni who keep in contact with him to this day so your evaluation of him is not the only one that is out there

[Anonymous]

Ottawa,
You wrote: don't buy what you're hearing at this site about her not being able to write what she feels in her letters to you.

That is discounting what many people know is not true, pretty much across the industry.  Even staff know this.

And no, I don't believe that these schools are a last resort. I saw too many kids who were sent there by parents who would rather shell out the bucks than work through their own problems.

In addition, these schools are NOT qualified to help many specific problems because they don't treat the individual. It's just a hit or miss tactic for the masses.

To the grandparents: I don't know what to tell you but you sound like you love your grand child a lot and have been an important part of her life. The letters will be vague. They have to be. Especially if she is undergoing Humiliation Therapy.  At some point, they may get more positive once she drinks the Kool Aid.  It's survival.  My advice is to just be loving and keep in touch, and let her know you love her and don't be one of the people who forces her to view her experience according to one paradigm. I know many parents who will not accept what happened at CEDU, and their kid just paints the picture their parents want to see. I did that for over a decade.  

My Mom and I finally discussed what happened at CEDU this month, and although she knew I was completely truthful, she resented knowing the extent of CEDU's incompetence and abusive therapy tactics.

She was also upset by the sham academics (I don't know if this changed) and unqualified personnel.

At the time, my letters to home only touched on what I enjoyed, the wilderness trips and outdoor labor.

[dniceo7]

I remember having quite a few letters handed back to me and being told to re-write them. Both at Ascent and at BCA. Are you saying it was just because I spelled a few words wrong?

[If u want to know..then a]

But it isn't the same experience for the parents.  My mom could hang up the phone if she didn't want to talk any longer without the threat of a restriction.  She could write about whatever it is she wants to write about and I could read it.  However, in CEDU; the staff do read and re-read for that matter ALL of the letters sent out unless you get your "seal-it" priviledge.  No one is discounting you as a parent or your child and what they say, but you do have a different experience than the students who are sent there.  The staff are always afraid that when you write your letters and get down about the way of life there or how you TRULY feel about being sent away (i.e. "manipulation tactics" is how the staff looked at it) then there was a chance that students' parents will pull him/her and they discourage that.  I remember one time I wrote to my mom that I was put on a restriction within my first week, house down bans including staff members with ONE exception (for the parent: that means you get to talk to ONE person in the entire campus), all because I called some girl a "bitch".  The staff member came and sat with me at my restriction and told me face-to-face that if they send that letter, my mom will pull me because she can't even afford to keep there for a long amount of time (which she found the money to support three years of this school thanks to loans)and if she pulls me then "I will lose valuable tools".  Please tell me what a 14 year old could possiblly lose after she just got sent away from her family and now she can't even think about looking at someone that she is on bans from because that would result in a tighter restriction.  I was there for ONE week before this happened.  How was I supposed to feel like I belonged?  How was I supposed to feel cared about?  I couldn't even write my mom anymore after that until I got off the restriction (which lasted 2 months).  2 months is a long time to go without talking to the only parent in your life when you are 14 years old.  Again, as I have said many a times, I graciously thank my mother for saving my life, but at least Juvey (had I not been kicked out) would let me write my own mother and in the way that I wanted to.  Simple things for adults are HUGE for children (anyone under the age of 18)

[Anonymous]

Well as the past few posts show, there are many different takes on the whole therapeutic boarding school experience---from those who are enthusiastic to those who see some value to those who see no value at all---you can find more positive and also some negative takes at the cedu alumni site in case you want another perspective

But here is the main thing to keep in mind from what I see here: it sounds like you're in a situation where it's not your call whether your grand-daughter remains in that school or not.

So whether you think it's the best solution or not---it happens to be the situation in which you find yourselves.

The question becomes: what are you going to do to make something good come out of it?  Chances are you're not going to get a state licensed school shut done because some posters at this site didn't like their school experience at other schools. So doesn't it make sense to work with the situation in which you find yourself, make peace with the child's parent (your own child) if at all possible and make something good come out of all this

[If u want to know..then a]

It is very true that the person who gets all the updates, etc. is the one who is paying the bills.  My paternal father tried calling the school after I was sent away and was shut out.  Although he was calling for reasons that he shouldn't have been calling about, this was my birth father.  The staff do take who the students talks/writes too very seriously.  Actually, being a student there myself; I remember having to write a "representation" to be able to write some relatives that were not immediate to my family.  The school called and researched what they felt was their entire life (they like their privacy) and the school didn't do a good job at indentifying who they were.  In Jane's case, if the student has been there long enough (and if there are rules that support this there) then he should be able to write your daughter IF and ONLY IF she is a positive influence on his life based on what she is doing with her life.  For Eric, I don't know if that school does parent seminars, but if you pay for one you are more than welcome to go and you get a good chance at visiting your grand daughter afterwards.  That is if her parents don't say no.  Hope this helps.  Keep your hopes alive, whatever the conclusion is for either of you is what it was meant to be.

[Anonymous]

Ottawa, I can tell its you by your tone.  You still deny teh many abuses that occurred at CEDU, simply by writing it off as "not your experience."

[Son Of Serbia]

On 2005-08-16 08:52:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Oh, right, I can't "discount" your experience but you get to discount ours---I mean that's really fair isn't it?"  





"Just for the record I'm not calling you a liar---if you say that this is what happened when you were in school, then I'm not going to say that it wasn't---I wasn't there."  




I love how Ottawa complains sayin that: "our" cedu experience is being discounted...and then continues on and eventually admits that she "wasn't there" :lol:

You're still contradicting yourself ottawa, because there is no "Our" about your son's experience at RMA.  It's really "His" experience,
or more appropriately His Alledged Experience, since your son never did accept our invitation to post here and verify your claims about him.

What really isn't fair, is that Ottawa continues
using her own half-assed, second-hand,self-grandizing assesment of her sons RMA Experience, to discount the real abuses that those of us who WERE at Cedu personally suffered...as if this is a legitamate comparisson, when any sane & intelligent person can clearly see that it isn't.

Ottawa stop insulting our intelligence!
It's clear that you haven't changed a bit... You're still full of yourself, and completely full of shit!


.
[ This Message was edited by: Son Of Serbia on 2005-08-17 06:27 ]

[If u want to know..then a]

God Serb that is HILARIOUS!!!!    :lol:  :lol:

[shanlea]

I personally wonder if Ottawa's son WAS here... in the form of that anon bully.  The anon bully was so outraged at Ottawa's treatment and lashed out at all of us, bullies and non bullies alike, in the most abusive fashion.  You know how sons are... very protective of their mothers.

[Anonymous]

They're both a couple of flunkies if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Saw the pic of Tim Earle at the Monarch School site. Hopefully he doesn't have the same taste for having sex with students like his brother Dan did.


(I heard Carmen hit the freakin' roof when she found out about that. Divorced him. Good for her.)

And Steve Rookie... eeeegghhh **shivers** what a creep. My suspicions tell me he has a thing about hanging around teen girls, too. (He always gave me the creepy crawlies.) But that's only my own suspicions, and shouldn't be taken as hard evidence in any way, shape or form.