Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

Can we ever regain our original personalities?

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Anonymous:
so glad to find this site. i do not beleive we can be who we were before. i was tricked into the seed.i thought i was about to enter 12th grade and looking forward to my future. instead it was my own personal hell i entered.a lot changed for me.ihave no contact with any old friends and only one family member who was also in the seed. we do not discuss it because we had two different experiences. his not so bad mine terrible.

Anonymous:
i should of put ex seedling ft lauderdale aug72-73. my parents tricked me into taking a bus to miami from jacksonville when i was 16 to see my brother who supposedly voluntered himself into the seed. i was told i was allowed to see him one more time before i started 12th grade.obviously that didn''t happen.

Anonymous:
My brother and I were there because of  a cousin who got busted for trying to grow a few pot plants in the woods. He was given the choice of 6 months in jail or the seed. He and his parents chose the seed. HE was from a wealthy family and had never been in any other trouble. he rebelled and refused to be broken. When he went in he only smoked pot. When he finally got out he was so mad and changed that he became a heroin addict. He finally cleaned up his act. He got married,she got pregnant, and he died in a car accident. when people are hurt or have pieces of their lives stolen it has to change you. but how we change is individual to our personalities and life experiences.

pigeon:
The answer is of course yes and no. mostly depending on my mood at the moment.  I did find help in "peeling back" the damage that had been done by the seed with the help of a great therapist but it took me a long time to be able to explain what had happened to me in a way she could understand.  She couldn't help me till I told her about it in detail.  For a long time I just included being put in a drug rehab program when I was twelve as part of my story.  It took me years to make it clear that I hadn't been high or drunk before I went in.  It took me even longer to make it clear that it wasn't just a regular rehab program but a brainwashing cult.
I of course did not use that phrase at first, I just told her( my therapist) what went on there
and she said it sounds like a cult.  
Now I say I was forced into a cult at twelve.

Sometimes the damage seems endless.  Other times I am amazed at how really strong I was even then.  Even then, while I was in the program, I developed a way of both knowing and not knowing, of buying in enough to get by with out giving myself away; pretty amazing for a twelve year old--young enough to believe everything they told me including that they could read my mind.

I find my greatest struggle now is in trusting myself.  The Seed and the internal ways I developed to survive the seed made me an expert at double thinking every thought and every decision I made.  So that's what I am working on now, just trusting myself.  Just relaxing.
It's like a vacation.
Pigeon

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