Parents have different responsibilities in their relationships with minor children, even adolescents, than in their relationships with adult children. At least in my world. And I think in the world at large, I mean that's why children can't move out of their parents' home on simple preference, sign contracts etc.
Oh, I know some people think that 8 year olds should be able to vote, that sort of thing, but I have no common ground with such thinking, it is even hard for me to imagine that people with such beliefs have ever spoken to a child.
So the question is: what if my son was smoking pot, the assumption is once in a while, I think, with no interference to speak of, with his functioning in all important ways. Would I cut off his funding for college, withdraw from him emotionally?
Well, if it is a legal substance then there is no question--he is an adult and can make his own recreational decisions. Not so much because I have a great respect for the law, or for pot, but because then there is not even a worry of future drug testing, arrests, etc to interfere with the proposition you put forward in terms of the question of possible harm.
I believe, however, that you are speaking about the current situation where the drug in question is illegal, but if you only have a small amount, it is of minimal concern in most juristictions.
Here also, an amount of use that does not a realisitc personal harm risk, I would not worry about it much, unless my child had some kind of addictive behavior history, something that we have not experienced. If he wanted to discuss it with me I would certainly give him my opinion that there are better ways to enjoy oneself.
And I would certainly not exercise what is clearly my own right not to spend money to send him to school over such a thing.
Now here is a more interesting question. What if he had a history of, say, heroin addiction behavior, and he chose to start using again while I was financing his college? He was getting himself into all kinds of trouble, failing his courses, which I was paying for, police stops, being belligerent and unkind to me.
My question to you: should I continue to pay for his college under those circumstances? I mean, there is no question that I would continue to love him, and tell him so, and since he was an adult, I surely could not control his behavior, and I would not be inclined to turn him over to the police, unless he was a clear danger to himself or someone else.
So what do you think I should do in that scenario, as far as financing his life style?
[ This Message was edited by: ottawa5 on 2004-07-28 14:15 ]