Author Topic: THE TWELVE STEPS FOR RECOVERING NEW-AGERS  (Read 421 times)

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Offline Deborah

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THE TWELVE STEPS FOR RECOVERING NEW-AGERS
« on: August 09, 2004, 11:21:00 AM »
This is too funny.
Go to the site. Each Step has a link to more detail on that step.

http://www.snakelyone.com/12step.htm

Contents
THE TWELVE STEPS FOR RECOVERING NEW-AGERS

Step One

"We admitted we were powerless over the New Age?that our Higher Selves had turned us into flakes."

Step Two

"Came to believe that a powerful bullshit detector could restore us to sanity."

Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our lower selves and a good psychiatrist."

Step Four

"Made a searching and fearless disposal of our crystals, tarot decks, incense, angel cards, rising signs, wands, spells, medicine wheels, pendulums and lottery tickets."

Step Five

"Admitted to God, our Guru and our seminar leader the exact nature of our delusion."

Step Six

"Were entirely ready to take back our mind, body and spirit."

Step Seven

"Humbly asked our Higher Power to fuck off."

Step Eight

"Made a list of all the New Age assholes we?d been nice to and vowed to treat them all like shit."

Step Nine

"Insulted the New Age wherever possible, especially when to do so made us look bad."

Step Ten

"Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly relished in it."

Step Eleven

"Sought through television and newspapers to improve our conscious contact with humanity, concentrating only on our ability to understand what the hell was really happening in the world."

Step Twelve

"Having avoided a paradigm shift as the result of these steps, we vowed to carry the NAA message to New Agers everywhere and to practice being ordinary in all our affairs."


TWO STORIES OF RECOVERY

Robin?s Story

"At the urging of Whozdime, a high octave, 12th dementia dull, hypo-planetary being with a wide photon belt, I gave up my job, moved into a teepee and began building the ark that would save me when California dropped into the ocean."

Chuck?s Story

"One day, while I was feeling up a woman's aura for possible energy leaks, her husband, possessed by a group of demonic entities leftover from a previous lifetime, burst into my office, smashed my copper pyramid and thrust an ozone tube down my pants."

 

Glossary of New Speak

Prologue
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Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700