Author Topic: i want your stories  (Read 7438 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #30 on: July 15, 2004, 01:37:00 AM »
"but my goal always remained to get the fuck out of there. my independent spirit, sense of self preservation, and my fundumental right to something better demanded it. to me staying at cedu was like committing suicide day after day."

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!

"i understand that fear is a real motivator, and if someone truly feared for their life, then i see why they would stay at cedu, but honestly, i never felt that vibe. did you feel that way? what made you stay?"  

I didn't stay.I felt unbelievable amounts of fear and that's why this kitty ran the hell out of Dodge. I KNEW I'd be worked over into the CEDU version of the Stepford Wife and I RAN!!! And ran and ran. and i only looked back now.
--shanlea
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #31 on: July 15, 2004, 09:39:00 AM »
Shanlea, you are a smart woman!
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #32 on: July 15, 2004, 10:00:00 AM »
laura, so in a nutshell, it sounds like your telling me that you stayed at cedu because you were to afraid to risk going out on your own and finding something better. no one says you had to be a prostitute, i never sold my body to anyone.
believe me, in California, i had just as many propositions as you would've! what were the pro's of staying at cedu? three meals a day (and the food really wasn't that good) and a roof over your head? big fucking deal! is that really worth LOSING 2 and 1/2 years of your life? you said that
" I knew that coming out of cedu, I'd be okay.  I didn't know the other way"  don't you really mean that coming out of cedu, you knew you'd be comfortable?  face it laura, you were too afraid to take a chance, to afraid to take your life back, that's why you stayed at cedu. You weren't living your life, i'm not even sure if being at cedu qualifies as existing. Be honest laura, fear did motivate you to stay. [ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-15 08:36 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #33 on: July 15, 2004, 10:07:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-07-14 18:08:00, mikehunt wrote:

"oops, i thought i was logged in.



bryan, i believe in universal balance (yin and yang... in cedu language: the pendulum), love (cedu tried to teach this, but they contradicted themselves... teach by example, duh) and taking control over your body/mind (accountability for our own actions and responses.  for me, this is free will... you have to take on all of your societal programming.)  oh yeh, and i believe that your "inner child" is the divinity within yourself.  you can get in touch with that through meditation.  if you believe that "god" is within you, you believe in an "inner child", even though that term may make you feel a bit troubled.

some of their morals, i agree with.  i DO NOT agree with their standardized methods or the theories backing them.

i learned a lot through observation at cedu as well... [ This Message was edited by: mikehunt on 2004-07-14 18:58 ]"


I'll give you a hint, nothing was standardized about their methods, no university is teaching them and in fact they told me not to tell anyone about what they were saying and doing. It was really just a bunch of stuff Wasserman had put together reading some books here and there plus the Synanon influence. Nothing standard about that.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #34 on: July 15, 2004, 10:32:00 AM »
I don't think the theories are standardized; I think they have standardized applications of their so-called "therapy."  The standard application is abusive confrontation.
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Offline blownawaytheidahoway

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« Reply #35 on: July 15, 2004, 12:14:00 PM »
Why did I stay? When I returned from my splitting I had been starved in the desert with one homicidal gangmember and five other delinquents for four weeks.  I had been promised while at a foster home ( i had refused to return to RMA) that I could go home. Instead I was sandwhiched into a car with Mike Parr (to make sure I didn't run away again) and The chief of Idaho Police. They were waiting for me after I lost my twenty pounds and had eaten racoon, mouse, rabbit, dog, snake and bananna peels. I was taken back to where I had run away from six weeks before. That first week I was happy to have food and not be afraid for my life.
After that though, I didn't run away but tried everything else I could think of to leave. I really almost killed myself there. I hated being incacerated more than any of the motherfuckers posting here. MORE. I stayed because I had NO CHOICE. I had already lived on the streets some as a fourteen year old but when my parents said I could stay at RMA and finish the program (that would have been two years) or go to a lock up until I was eighteen and never talk to them again)That ain't no choice. I wish to god I had waited another year before fucking up so much at home because I would have had the strength to leave. I would have been more adult. The threats of going to a lock up for four years when I was that young was enough to scare me. It was worse that way because I had to learn to accept what I KNOW I did not believe. So I allowed them to kill some 'ME'. It couldn't be helped, it was simply self preservation. Big difference between fourteen and fifteen. Treating us that way. My parents couldn't deal. That's what I am seeing is the root of the existance of CEDU. so they were right about that one thing: the world is fucked up and parents don't raise their kids right. it's a cycle. PRobabaly the reason I won't have kids is RMA. I learned that from Chuck and Vicki. Isn't that chuck solent? I have to blame RMA for how I turned out. And I have to blame RMA and my parents for sending me there.
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Life is a very wonderful thing.\' said Dr. Branom... \'The processes of life, the make- up of the human organism, who can fully understand these miracles?... What is happening to you now is what should happen to any normal healthy human organism...You are being made sane, you are being made healthy.
     \'That I will not have, \' I said, \'nor can understand at all. What you\'ve been doing is to make me feel very very ill.\'
                         -Anthony Burgess
                      A Clockwork Orange

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #36 on: July 15, 2004, 12:32:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-07-15 07:32:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I don't think the theories are standardized; I think they have standardized applications of their so-called "therapy."  The standard application is abusive confrontation.  "

that's what i'm saying... i don't agree with their application or the theories backing these applications (surely, there is theory behind their application... ie- we can use harsh confrontation to break people down, then we can build them back up.)

here's the definition of standard that i was going by:
a) An acknowledged measure of comparison for quantitative or qualitative value; a criterion.
b) An object that under specified conditions defines, represents, or records the magnitude of a unit.
they used an approach that would treat us all in the same manner, harshly.  perhaps you associate something else with standardized, like a popular method (although this was, at one point, a popular method... straight inc was a pretty popular treatment center back in the day.)  but when you apply the same treatment to a roomful of individuals... are you expecting them all to respond in the same way?  or are you taking into account that most people don't fit the mold of your standard.  they're trying to mold people.


of course i was fearful, which caused me to stay.  perhaps i would've run away if i hadn't been so scared.  but i was certainly strong enough to handle it when i did stay... i didn't let them kill me as i watched the people around me commiting suicide one by one.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #37 on: July 15, 2004, 06:32:00 PM »
In some ways I wondered if people who were too afraid to split were simply reacting to a gut feeling.  Maybe your gut feelings informed you that it would be more dangerous to split, and that gut feeling was actually your preservation. Especially if home wasn't three hours away, like mine.

My gut feeling told me that if I could just make it all the way home, I wouldn't be sent back (or to a lock up) even though that was the threat. I also--I know this is weird--had a weird feeling I would not have to hitch hike, that I would meet a good person who would help me, and that is exactly what happened. It helped that I was 17, too. If I were 14, I would have been screwed.

Who knows? I was a big chicken shit so there is no way I would have hitchhiked or lived on the street--maybe partially due to being a female.  

Shanlea
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Offline mikehunt

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« Reply #38 on: July 15, 2004, 10:36:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-07-15 15:32:00, Anonymous wrote:

"In some ways I wondered if people who were too afraid to split were simply reacting to a gut feeling.  Maybe your gut feelings informed you that it would be more dangerous to split, and that gut feeling was actually your preservation. Especially if home wasn't three hours away, like mine.



My gut feeling told me that if I could just make it all the way home, I wouldn't be sent back (or to a lock up) even though that was the threat. I also--I know this is weird--had a weird feeling I would not have to hitch hike, that I would meet a good person who would help me, and that is exactly what happened. It helped that I was 17, too. If I were 14, I would have been screwed.



Who knows? I was a big chicken shit so there is no way I would have hitchhiked or lived on the street--maybe partially due to being a female.  



Shanlea  "

that's what i'm saying... i thought something absolutely awful would happen if i left.  i wasn't prepared for that.  i've always felt myself to be a highly intuitive person.. this may just be rationalization, but whatever, i did what i needed to do, and i don't regret it.
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aura solomon

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #39 on: July 21, 2004, 10:27:00 PM »
Any More Stories?
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Offline mikehunt

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« Reply #40 on: July 22, 2004, 08:23:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-07-21 19:27:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Any More Stories?"

if there are, send them to my inbox... thanks.
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aura solomon