Author Topic: i want your stories  (Read 7440 times)

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Offline NivekOgre

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« Reply #15 on: July 13, 2004, 11:26:00 AM »
Yeah, she was a counselor. I heard she was there from the late '70s into the '80s.
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #16 on: July 13, 2004, 11:41:00 AM »
are you saying that you stayed at cedu intentionally?  isn't that a bit sadistic?

i mean here you have your life that they don't
let you live, removed from you is  free will,independent thought, and everything that ever mattered to you, in essence your life is snuffed out, it's like being in a coma.  don't get me wrong, it took me 1 year and 7 months before i finally got out (5 previous escape attempts, making it 6 total), but my goal always remained to get the fuck out of there.  my independent spirit, sense of self preservation, and my fundumental right to something better demanded it. to me staying at cedu was like committing suicide day after day.

how could any of us deny ourselve, what by all rights is ours, and only ours; the right to choose
who we are?

i understand that fear is a real motivator, and if someone truly feared for their life, then i see why they would stay at cedu, but honestly, i never felt that vibe.  did you feel that way? what made you stay?

for me getting out once and for all was the only
option, it was the only way i would truly be alive, i knew that with every fiber of my being.


[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:42 ][ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:46 ][ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:52 ]
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Offline NivekOgre

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« Reply #17 on: July 13, 2004, 11:45:00 AM »
I was more like you and got out fast but I observed some folks there who had become comfortable with the other people and the system, they were no longer getting yelled at in raps so they stayed.
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #18 on: July 13, 2004, 11:51:00 AM »
nivek, i know the type, they allways line up across the room at the beginning of every rap and start screaming at guys like you and me when staff gave the signal, i swear they were like trained dogs!!!  [ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:51 ][ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:53 ]
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Offline NivekOgre

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« Reply #19 on: July 13, 2004, 02:43:00 PM »
I guess it's really the same strategy as in prison. They keep the cons pitted against each other and this allows them to control everyone.[ This Message was edited by: NivekOgre on 2004-07-13 11:44 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #20 on: July 13, 2004, 06:48:00 PM »
I went to CEDU in 1987 and split after five and a half months; my second attempt was successful.

What happened the first 5 times you tried to split?

They always told us they'd kick us out if we keep trying to split (like it was a privelege to be there.)
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Offline CEDU IS A CULT

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« Reply #21 on: July 13, 2004, 08:24:00 PM »
Serb, I agree with you 100%.  For me, there was no redeeming factor about CEDU.  Comparitively, I learned nothing.  I cannot justify the torture and attrocities of CEDU school, by thinking it made me into a stronger person.  Fuck that excuse.  I suggest using that reasoning to comfort an ex-prisoner at Abu Graib.

There is no comfort and there is no excuse.  2 and 1/2 years of my life were spent being systematically brainwashed, stripped of all my rights- the right to education, health care, free press, freedom of assembly, free speech, and freedom to seek happiness which is defined constitutionally as the increase of joy and the decrease of sorrow.  Not to mention daily physical and mental abuse.  How about labor laws?

Didn't we do all the cleaning, landscaping, rock walls, ditch digging, dishes, etc.?  What the fuck were they payed $5900 a month for?

Did it make me a stronger person?

I don't know- so does taking a shit in the morning.

Sorry, but you gotta figure out who you are.  I am just not anything resembling what CEDU tried to make me into.  I highly doubt anyone who knew me there would even recognize me physically- let alone mentally.  Maybe Laura's philosophy is a lot like what CEDU tried to make her, so she finds that CEDU was a good lesson taught by bad teachers.

Frankly, I can't find a single thing in their philosophy that I can agree with.

You know what most people do with their sins?

They bury and forget them.
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Offline Hell on Wheels

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« Reply #22 on: July 13, 2004, 08:43:00 PM »
Shit, the only way I knew of to get kicked out was to fuck-off a lot right before you turned 18, walk out of the Summit (probably the I and ME, but I'm not sure). For everything else, you got either a fat full-time, ascent, mental hospital, or a free trip to a lock-down facility
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Offline shanlea

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« Reply #23 on: July 13, 2004, 10:49:00 PM »
I guess I got lucky because the first time I split, I got caught by an off duty police officer who really did NOT want to bring me back, but whose job was on the line.

So, of course they told my parents to tell me I'd go to lock up if I split again.  (Why a person who was no danger to anyone else who had zero aggressive tendecies go to lock up was beyond me.) Anyway, the second time I split, I decided to ask my parents to pull me out during the parent weekend.  I could see my Dad was beginning to have doubts about the place--but he was going along with w/Mom.  CEDU worked them over and I made the decision to split immediately following.  I already told that whole story of my successful split (after staying a week w/some lady babysitting her kids, she drove me to my home city where she was attending a family reunion.)But I banked on Dad not sending me to lock up and I was right.  Thank Freaking GOd.

If worse came to worse, I would have left after another 6 months when I turned 18, but truthfully, I would have probably been more brainwashed by them.

One thing I do want to know: How come nobody managed to convince their parents to pull them out on home visits?

Shanlea
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #24 on: July 14, 2004, 10:03:00 AM »
the first time i split the police caught me.  the second time i split a staff member (on his day off) ran into me by pure chance at a VONS in san bernardino, and talked me into going back.  the third time i split i came back on my own. the fourth & fifth times my parents hired private investigators who tracked me down and brought me back.  the sixth time was the charm.  i did a table for the first escape attempt, and full times for attempts two, three, four, & five.  before escaping the final time, the longest i had stayed out of cedu (before being returned) was 1 week.  

I was only 14 when i first came to cedu and my first 4 attempts were a spur of the moment thing. i never lasted more than a few days before they caught me.  my fifth attempt was planned (i split on my first home visit) but i made to mistake of spending more than one night in the same place, and i got nailed.  

my sixth attempt i had planned for about 3 months, including how i would get home (i lived in chicago)and where i would hideout once i got back home. (as an older student they didn't monitor my phone calls anymore, instead of calling my parents, i called my friends---my parents never complained because they were ignoring me ever since the 5th time that i split).  i also found out that i could keep my old permission slips (staff would always hand them back to me for some reason), change the dates, and re-use them at nights where different staff were on the floor.  i was calling my buddies in San Diego, and Chicago at least 3-4 times a week for almost 3 months---and Cedu payed the bills!!! HA, Ha, HA !!!

getting to chicago with no money or identity was the hard part (that took me 2& 1/2 months), and thats when i slept on street corners and witnessed horrors i spoke of before.  once in chicago i had a network of close friends (and even some family) set up, who moved me from place to place. i spent only 1 night in chicago without a roof over my head.  i knew my parents would hire someone to find me, so i had to constantly stay on the move.  like i said, i planned for months.[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-14 07:28 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #25 on: July 14, 2004, 11:23:00 AM »
Wow. I must say you were determined! HOw did you pull your life back together? Did you ever go back to school? Did you eventually go home?  Did your street experience help you in any way? I just turned 17 when I went; 6 months later I split.  If I were younger, I might have been sent back.  It's a tough thing being so young with no rights in that crazy bin.

OK: I'm curious about why people went? Did you need intervention or would you have grown out of whatever your parents sent you there for...  CEDU sucks, in a perfect world, what would have been helpful to you?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #26 on: July 14, 2004, 11:24:00 AM »
the previous posting was shanlea by the way
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Offline Son Of Serbia

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« Reply #27 on: July 14, 2004, 05:37:00 PM »
yes i did eventually go home, patched things up with my parents, and went back to highschool.  my senior year i pulled straight A's, and i went on to college where i earned my bachelors degree in film/video with a minor in communications.  my television career never happened, and i ended up going back to school part time and i earned my associates degree in construction management.  i'm now a general contractor (i went onto business with my father), and i make a decent living at it.  even though life turned out okay for me, i did a lot of crazy shit for years after cedu, lots of drugs, fighting, lots criminal shit, not to mention i was a total pig who fucked anything that touched him. eventually i settled down, got married, and my wife gave birth to our 1st son this past april.  looking back now i'm amazed that i'm not dead, in jail, or suffering from an std right now.  i know that god was looking out for me.

why did i get sent to cedu? basically i was a young, stupid kid, who thought he knew everything, and wouldn't listen to anyone.  my body had grown much faster than my mind did (at 14 i was already 6'-1"), when i realized that my parents couldn't bully me around anymore (my dad was the physical type), i decided i could do whatever i wanted.  i skipped school, smoked pot, started having sex, hung out with gang bangers,i was openly defiant, i didn't even try to hide what i was doing. i was sent to cedu because no one could control me.

the one thing i learned from the cedu experience is that i can't just do anything i want, some where down the line i would have to pay for it. after cedu, i got my head out of my ass and decided i wanted to be somebody, and the only way to be someone is to have goals and work towards them, and not just fuck off all of the time expecting good things to come to me. if you want something out of life, then you have to make it happen.

was cedu the only way for me to realize that? no i don't believe so.  i think eventually i would have grown up and come to my senses, or have had the sense knocked into me.  perhaps my experiences from cedu helped speed the process up a bit, being on the streets makes you grow up pretty fast, but i firmly believe that i would have made it okay the same, with or without cedu.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #28 on: July 14, 2004, 09:04:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-07-13 08:41:00, SON OF SERBIA wrote:

"are you saying that you stayed at cedu intentionally?  isn't that a bit sadistic?



i mean here you have your life that they don't

let you live, removed from you is  free will,independent thought, and everything that ever mattered to you, in essence your life is snuffed out, it's like being in a coma.  don't get me wrong, it took me 1 year and 7 months before i finally got out (5 previous escape attempts, making it 6 total), but my goal always remained to get the fuck out of there.  my independent spirit, sense of self preservation, and my fundumental right to something better demanded it. to me staying at cedu was like committing suicide day after day.



how could any of us deny ourselve, what by all rights is ours, and only ours; the right to choose

who we are?



i understand that fear is a real motivator, and if someone truly feared for their life, then i see why they would stay at cedu, but honestly, i never felt that vibe.  did you feel that way? what made you stay?



for me getting out once and for all was the only

option, it was the only way i would truly be alive, i knew that with every fiber of my being.





[ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:42 ][ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:46 ][ This Message was edited by: SON OF SERBIA on 2004-07-13 08:52 ]"

no, i think it would've been sadistic for me to leave....
when i hit threshold, i knew i was strong enough to make it through the bullshit.  i didn't, on the other hand, at 12, 13, or 14, know what the fuck to expect from living on the streets in california, where i knew nobody.  this one girl mentioned to me that we could become prostitutes and change our appearances... i wasn't too hot on that idea.

i'm confused, you say that cedu wouldn't let you think independently, yet you're saying you did... i realized that they didn't want me to make judgements, but that was of my nature, so i had to.  i can't not think for myself; that's where my strength came in.  whenever i considered running away, the cons outweighed the pros.. i knew that i would be ok after cedu one way, but the other way, i couldn't be sure of anything.  thus, i stayed at cedu until they virtually kicked me out.  
i don't regret a thing... i've learned quite a bit along the path i've chosen.
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Offline mikehunt

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« Reply #29 on: July 14, 2004, 09:08:00 PM »
oops, i thought i was logged in.

bryan, i believe in universal balance (yin and yang... in cedu language: the pendulum), love (cedu tried to teach this, but they contradicted themselves... teach by example, duh) and taking control over your body/mind (accountability for our own actions and responses.  for me, this is free will... you have to take on all of your societal programming.)  oh yeh, and i believe that your "inner child" is the divinity within yourself.  you can get in touch with that through meditation.  if you believe that "god" is within you, you believe in an "inner child", even though that term may make you feel a bit troubled.
some of their morals, i agree with.  i DO NOT agree with their standardized methods or the theories backing them.
i learned a lot through observation at cedu as well... [ This Message was edited by: mikehunt on 2004-07-14 18:58 ]
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aura solomon