I dream about straight

[kpickle39]

I still dream about straight.  It has been 25+ years since I was "enrolled", and I still have the dreams.  Not so bad anymore...it seems time takes care of a lot of it.  Earl on, maybe 15 or so years out, I'd have a dream 'bout straight; I would not have to be even physically in a straight situation, just the feeling of being in-side the walls of the program was the main reminder.  I was a very uncomfortable, captive feeling.   Often, I have the ability to eliminate all the people in the dreams that were from straight.   The elimination was vivid and intense to say the least.  

Now, once a blue moon I dream of straight.  Never intense anymore; I just kinda move on to another subject.

[85 Day Jerk]

When I was undergoing EMDR therapy, I had some way major fucking doozy dreams.  What was weird was that I would dream about more recent events in which I was fucked over, such as my crappy job at the St. Pete Times, and then staff members from Straight would be mixed in with bosses and supervisors from more recent times and it would all end in violence in a big big way.  There were times I actually woke up in the kitchen pulling knives out of drawers or wake up in the bathtub clutching a baseball bat!  I even took out a couple of tiles and had to replace them before the landlord found out.

As I got further and further along, I would dream of my family, and in each dream I would always wind up walking out of a door no matter where we were.  It seemed my sub conscious was trying to tell me that my family really IS poison to me and that it was okay to abandon them in my heart and mind and simply move on with my life.

For those of you who still hold on to your family, that is great, you are one of the lucky ones.  As for me, there is no way in hell I can ever cleave to that which damn near destroyed me as a human being.  They just don't get it, and there is just too much lost time for me to catch up on to explain it to them.  As for those that hated Wanda Minton and still do, all I can tell you is that I had her in class at high school for a whole year, rode into the building with her and her mom every day and knew her on a more personal basis that I would have cared to.  She wound up having to take a Screaming Pink Faggot to her Senior Prom because not one other person could have done so.  Her older sister pretty much disowned her and her brother stole her very car not long after her mom turned the title over to her.  Wherever she is, I can almost guarantee you that she is miserable and contemplating suicide on a daily basis.

[Scarstruck]

I used to wake up punching my wife in the back and stuff while we slept..

 Luckily? I have replaced Straight dreams with heroin addict dreams.
 If you have ever been a heroin addict you know what I mean as only we get them..
 Dreams where you can feel withdrawls and when you get dope and are sliding the needle in your arm it turns to string..wierd shit like that

 I often have dreams police are after me for crimes I didnt commit.

[whiterabbit]

I have always dreamed about tornadoes. Since Straight anyway.I dreamed that there was a big hill and I was at the bottom maybe a 1/4 mile away. Power lines ran all the way from the road where I stood & continued up the side of the hill. From where  I stood I watched tornadoes take off from the  top of the  hill and head off in various directions. I was terrified and rooted to the spot. I wanted to run but was afraid to stop watching  in case they started coming my way. I sometimes yelled or cried out loud. Of course in my dream I couldn't make any noise. I'd keep trying to yell, run, cry but I couldn't do anything.

I always thought the dream was actually about tornadoes and being afraid  of them. It wasn't until  recently that I realized it was about being powerless and waiting/preparing for impending disaster.

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions.  The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting;  2. fleeing;  3.feeding; and  4. mating.
-- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

[gduncan]

The occasional dream pops up and it's the same one- I'm still on first phase trying to go home or fifth phase trying to graduate.  I feel helpless in the dream because I've been on the phase for 24 years (that's how long ago I was admitted) and I keep wondering what do I have to do to move on...It's always a relief to wake up and realize that I have moved on.

[groovy1634]

I still have dreams about Straight from time to time, and they still freak me out. I dream that I am stuck on 1st phase at 31 years ols and cannot leave. I have also dreamed of killing some staffers too. Crazy.

lisa

 :question:

[Scarstruck]

****Creepy Crawl****


Countless hours, turning into, countless days
A doubtful outlook...

Digging from my grave, that's my home actually
Sick and angry for no reason at all
Falling into Manson's thrall...

Charlie's stare will draw you in
A god reborn? A total clown?
Now the truth...a five-six joke?
Or was he the one?
I can't change the exposed truth
God is gone, and never was, never will, never has been

Thoughts prevoke, a disgusting sight
If this is real? Or a chemical lift?

Digging from my grave, that's my home actually
Sick and angry for no reason at all
Falling into Manson's thrall...

Charlie's stare will draw you in
A god reborn? A total clown?
Now the truth...a five-six joke?
Or was he the one?
I can't change the exposed truth
God is gone, and never was, never will, never has been

_________________
 Never forget your fellow people living in bondage :
http://http://www.survivingthesystem.com[ This Message was edited by: Scarstruck on 2004-07-04 05:05 ]