Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

to Frieda


I am sorry I missed your post earlier!
 I am sure we were incarcerated at the same time. Although I never had the "fortune" to have my hair cut by my oldtimer! LOL!!
Actually my oldtimer was relatively very nice to me, and so was her family. In fact, I would have been happier to never move back to my father's home.
My father was an active alcoholic and very abusive (mentally and physically). Imagine how bad he must have been for the Seed Staff to have barred him from the "open Meetings"! My foster family was very nice the night I was to have gone back home, but had to return with them because nobody would come and pick me up to go home!What a world we lived in then.

I am very glad that you have your brother to discuss these things with, and you say we have been healing! That is wonderful. Best wishes. debi

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-22 09:08 ]

I was from a middle class family, so to speak. I was 14 and prepubescent. I got sent home with a sixteen year old kid with big muscles. We ended up somewhere in the white getto, real small house, dirty as hell, roaches, no ac. We would get there about midnight, he would immediately lock me in the bedroom with a padlock from the outside. They had a doberman that barked constantly and lived right outside the window on a lease, and I was told and believed he would kill me if I went out the window. Truth be told, I was too scared to run, didn't know where I was and running the the street at night in that neighborhood was not an option.
After my oldcomer sat with his mom and dad for a while,ate, showered, whatever, he would come in, unlock the door, escort me to the bathroom and I would shower and go to bed.His mom or dad, whom never said two words to me, would then padlock us in for the night. Then it was MI time and asleep about 1:30 or 2:00. back up at 7:00 and the same routine. He would knock on the door and his mom would get him, I would stay locked in for a while, then a truck would come bye and he would unlock the door, escort me to the truck and off to the seed.
I was never so glad to be out of a place in my life and was scared shitless every night.I was scared, tired, hungry, and far far from home.


--- Quote --- Freedom wrote:

 He has again become one of my very closest confidants...See, I was convinced that we deserved it...til my precious children became teens and then I realized that I had been just a regular, normal, sometimes judgement impared teen, who so wanted to be loved.
--- End quote ---

I had no siblings in the program, I was the "bad girl". I am the eldest and even though my brother Jay was doing many things (shoplifting, B& Es, drugs), "boys will be boys", my father would just take him out back and beat him.
 I had a stepsister Kim that did nothing wrong in her mother's eyes. My halfsiblings were living with my mom and were too young (7&5).
I have just begun to heal my relationship with my youngest sister.She and I have had many good times in the last 6 months and are grateful that we took another chance with each other.My mother has intentionally worked one person against the other. But we are now onto her games and keeping our own relationship away from her.

I also can relate to learning through my own teenager just how badly my life was altered because of the Seed. It was so nice to see him so involved in his HighSchool (class rep, NatHonorSoc officer, JROTC Lt & Commander, band member), even went to all of the plays at school to support his friends, all of the football games... He was able to have a very diverse group of friends.I never went to anything in HighSchool why would I? Just to place my self in a situation for more abouse? Not likely...had enough of those people in school.
 In fact, somehow I have managed to raise a child that does not need to hide his feeling by doing drugs! But then again I actively did even thing differently than my parents ever thought of!I tried to make sure he was confident, felt good about himself and learned to walk to his own drumbeat. He just graduated from High school with a 4.8 GPA and has been admitted to New College!It is so wonderful for me that he will be living in the dorm, experience college years healthily, but still be in our town! Oh this mom is happy! LOL!!
I was so afraid for so long worrying about the teen years (even when I was preg. I worried about the teens to come... LOL).
 I wish I had been able to feel as good about myself at his age! I truly feel that we had our teen years stripped from us. My son's friends are always around my house, and I think they are wonderful, even the "Eddie Haskel" clone (I love that kid...he has had it rough too at home and I am glad I was here for him!).
 The worst damage i have done to my own son is that he still tells me he "loves me"....even when his friends are around!!! I think he helped to heal me as well.
 I am glad your children have given you so much too! At least we have learned what not to do to our children!!! LOL

Take care, debi

"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..."


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