Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
The humiliating seed!
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: ""starry-eyed pirate"" ---Fuck. Yeah...I really do feel like they just completely sabotaged my life...Like I was born to the wrong parents.
--- End quote ---
Parents choose to have kids and I believe that most really need to takes some classes, do some drugs or just not have kids. Seeing that we develop a good part of our personality by 7 but all of it before we are an adult, our parents have a HUGE responsibility to take the job they chose seriously. Of course your parents probably thought they were, which is fucked up. I can't imagine having a child with the intention of trying to dictate their path in life. A lot of parents do it, mine did as well and it's hard to not be somewhat upset. I mean to me, it's just common sense. We are individuals and we should want our children to discover life and themselves and the ups and downs, truth, knowledge all that.
But you know what, if you weren't born to them you wouldn't have your beautiful daughter, so it sucked but you created something beautiful out of it none the less. Ok that's all, carry on. lol
webdiva:
--- Quote from: ""starry-eyed pirate"" ---Man that is kinda a crazy post...I been thinkin on this ever since I wrote about my burnin hate for my dad. As I thought about it more and more I began to think it wasn't so much hate as just searin desire for understanding. I mean there was no fuckin around about it. I looked way into him for a good long while. I lost track of the time. I lost track of myself. When I came to, I noticed him lookin at me, real composed like. I felt like I had been out of my body somewhere.
--- End quote ---
that wasn't crazy, i used to think i hated my dad, and i definitely don't like him but no need for me to hate his sorry ass. it just takes time to really understand where its all really coming from too so that post was probably exactly how you were feeling at the time. i feel ya on the understanding thing, I think we all want to be understood and accepted for who we are, especially by our family. :-?
starry-eyed pirate:
Yeah.
Can I just describe what happened a little ??
'cause I never experienced nothin like that before or since. It felt like a once in a lifetime deal.
It felt like the most intense communication of my life. I have no memory of the physical world during the experience.
My dad and I were sittin at the end of a rectangular table, directly across from each other. We were at the restaraunt that the family likes to go to when they come ta town. It's right around the corner here. 2 of my uncles were there, 1 of which is a Vietnam vet. His wife, 1 aunt. The oldest survivn' member of my grandparents generation; her 3rd husband who is a WW2 vet. And all the relatives were seated together up-table. I sat down across from my old man, who is a Vietnam vet, at one end of the table. These people are all kind hearted folks.
I was not doin no song and dance for no-one. I was serious. There were no pretenses. I was silent unless addressed.
My dad sat across from me and I looked at him. I looked straight into his eyes. I lost all my senses. I lost my sense of self. I asked all my questions without even speaking or gesturing or moving in the least. It took a while...I stayed there though and waited with all the patience of a mighty God. Telepathic.
I waited til I had searched all through him for the answers. He could not look away. He is tricky. Ever'body tricky.
I don't even remember if anyone was talking around us, or to me, at all, while our eyes were locked. I couldn't hear. My world was silent. I didn't know what was happening around me. I felt as if my intelligence had left my body and gone into him through his eyes. It was aggressive on my part, this is what I was confusing with hate. Aggressive but not malicious at all. It was a desperation for understanding.
I don't have any idea whether it lasted for a few seconds or 2 minutes. No idea. But when I came to, it was as if I had been hypnotized. When I came back into myself I began to recognize my fathers face, his eyes on mine. I pulled back and was cool. He was composed and very aware. It was real intense but not too awkward, really. Now I am still decipherin all the abstractions I found.
Can you dig it?!
webdiva:
--- Quote from: ""starry-eyed pirate"" ---Yeah.
Can I just describe what happened a little ??
...
Can you dig it?!
--- End quote ---
Well when I said it wasn't crazy i meant "the post". Fuck yeah I can dig it. It was an intense experience, and I'm sure you were enlightened that night in a big way too, tends to go hand in hand. Do you think you found out some what you "asked" that night?
And it does suck cuz we can't choose our parents yet they can be fucking mental cases like my dippy dad and choose to birth or even adopt us and then still don't choose to be parents. I've never been able to even fathom not "loving" my child, if i had one. Can't conceive of it, yet there are people out there like that.
You're a great dad and should be proud. I guess dysfunctional dads like ours do exist and we have to come to terms with that, we must realize we are powerless lol how true that is though ahhaha.
so yeah, it's been dug! 8-)
starry-eyed pirate:
Thanks, I don't really blame my dad too much. His dad was way fucked up and was mean and abusive toward him when he was young.
I mean what can you do ?? It's a short and merry life for us,... 'Ey lads ?!?!
::bandit:: :skull: ::dove::
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version