I remember my very first Talk. I sat with my mom and told her that my father had sexually abused me when I was little. We both balled and wailed and cried and held each other while my stupid oldcomer observer kept trying to break us apart so we could talk about our "feelings".
Later in OMR, I was stood up and screamed at for trying to manipulate my mother to pull me from the program by crying so loudly. No one ever tried to talk to me about what I had discussed with my mom.
My mom and I never even got a chance to talk about it again while I was in there.
I never once spoke with a professional person while in the program. Two girls younger than me did my intake, and I was pulled out of group one single solitary time for a "one on one" with a 5th phase trainee. She took me outside in the parking lot for it...I hadnt been outside for more than 45 seconds in 3 months.
It took me almost 3 months to make 2nd phase because one of my two regular oldcomers was horribly jealous of me, or something anyway. And she kept voting only T&R for me week after week because she claimed I was too arrogant. It never was the staff who decided whether or not you went home, it was your oldcomers...if they didnt vote for you....you stayed on 1st. It got to the point where her host sister even started telling her to get on with it and let me get on 2nd phase. She couldnt draw it out any longer, so eventually I went home. After that I requested to be the permanent host sister of a fifth phaser who was my friend, and then the bullshit really hit the fan. The next 6 months was pure torture.
She used me as her slave at home and threatended me with being set back or stood up in group if I ever resisted her. She made my life at home pure hell, but if I didnt cooperate she was going to make my life in group ten times the hell it already was. Refreshers became a blessing.
The week I made third phase I started school, and the first day I ran away during the one class she and I didnt have together. I just walked off. Of course, I met these ladies who said they would help me and they just called Straight and the police came and got me. My host sister took great pleasure in standing over me while I vomited over and over in the toilet from fear...whisoering at me about how ashamed I should be for praying to the porcelain god. Pulling my hair and pushing my face down close to the water. I was started over of course. I had to work back up to third phase...and the first day I went back to school, this time I wasnt going to ever get caught though. .. I stole both of our lunches, rolled up my pant cuffs in the forbidden fashion, and walked to the nearest gas station and bummed a cigarette. They never found me, and I lived randomly on the streets of Dallas for exactly 31 days before calling my mother. They said after 30 days your parents had to pay all over again to put you back, and I knew my mom couldnt afford it. So I waited.
