Kaydee wrote:"To quote my parents "how long can you blame how you are on something that happened that long ago maybe its not them maybe it is you" "
First of all, I want to validate your feelings. I was not in the Straight program, but was in "The Seed" that started it all.
I for one felt a great sense of isolation. I did not trust people easily, especially those that claimed to "love me". I always felt that if the people in my life knew the "real me", they would not like me.I had a wall built up around myself for protection. I was always the "happiest" on the outside, but I allowed nobody to be emotionally close to me. I grieved a lot for what I felt I had lost in my life, with out even understanding what it was I was grieving for. I simply did not feel "normal".
The teen years are very important to the formation of a healthy adult. It is a time where you begin to learn what make you unique and special. When you begin to pull away from the family, yet understanding that the family is a safe haven that accepts you totally.Within the family unit, you are supposed to feel valued, cared for, nurtured, liked, and special.
I believe all of us were shortchanged and left emotionally bankrupt in a way. We learned to not trust others,& that our families did not accept us. We were told over and over many emotionally abusive things.
We learned to disguise our true feelings in oder to "play the game" and not get set back to phase 1 over and over (well atleast some of us did, :smile: ). It occured for many of us in the time of our life where we should have been discovering our own values and ethics. Yet we were told many times that our values were wrong, our beliefs wrong if they did not comform to the groups.
Your parent's quip is simply their way of staying in denial for the responsibility they hold at placing a fragile teenager in an emotional hellhole.
Be kind to yourself, understanding the effects these programs have, so that you might heal. Realise that you were just a child, that any of the things you had to do in order to survive the program are what many others were doing too.
Take one issue at a time and work on it.
Best wishes, debi
PS:
I have watched my son grow up with a sense of wonderment.It is sorta amazing to me that he feels so intelligent, so competent, so able and responsible. He can tell you what his "code of ethics" is to him, he enjoys having other adults' respect and trust. He can communicate effectively about his feelings, is willing to listen and negotiate, and enjoys a varied group of friends.
He actively chooses not to do drugs or drinks. (Although this mother has always said, "please don't drink, I'd rather you smoked pot, but you should not have to do either").I am happy he feels he has a choice. He likes himself, something that took me well into my 30's to learn to do.
He actually took part in his high school activities, went to football games, plays, chorus stuff,supporting his friends that were in these various things. I never did any of that as a teen.
He thinks that no matter what I will always be on his side. It has been very healing for me to see him grow into this young adult.
Thanks for listening to me. I hope I was able to help somewhat.
