Author Topic: Feelings resurfaced  (Read 2460 times)

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Offline Jflux

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Feelings resurfaced
« on: June 23, 2002, 04:34:00 PM »
I just saw the article from the St. Pete Times.  I had no idea this even existed.  Oh, how I wished I knew ahead of time about the reunion.  I was in St. Pete 83-84 and received my (unwilling) fair share of emotional abuse and humiliation.  I eventually ran away and was able to convince my parents not to send me back.  I think at the time, they were finally questioning the institution of Straight.  I still have nightmares and flashbacks to this day!  I was relieved to see this forum, yet at the same time, I was overwhelmed with the feelings and memories.  Just when you think it is buried, it can so easily resurface.  How long till the next reunion or meeting?
Thanks,
Another St. Pete Survivor
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Offline snowhite

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Feelings resurfaced
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2002, 04:51:00 PM »
I defintly need to make contact with you. My e-mail address is [email protected]. Please make contact. I am also Palm Harbor/Clearwater.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Feelings resurfaced
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2002, 10:50:00 AM »
I just found this site and feel the same way.I never got over the abuse but then again I was in there from 81 to 85.I was one of those kids that refused to change and I'm still paying it today.I wish I knew someone from those days.I was in St.Pete all those years and on staff in Orlando in 86.
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Offline Jflux

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« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2002, 12:38:00 PM »
I too, never got over the abuse.  I remember my second day, my first open rap experience, they brought out my wallet with my pictures and pictures of my friends, because they confiscated my purse on intake.  They continued to show everyone my picture and what a "slut" I was because I wore "druggy" makeup and clothes.  That all my friends were druggies and whores.  I remember how many people stood up and called me a whore and worthless.  I was so scared and have never been so scared in my life.  I too sat in urine and feces because I had no right to use the bathroom.  If I remember on 1st phase, your goal was to earn (I think it was) your T & R.  I never carved myself but I saw many people carving their arms.  I use to count the times I could crack my ankle bone to pass the days, only because of sitting for so long everyday enabled me to crack my ankle!  I still can crack my ankle on demand.  I eventually broke and confessed to things I never did so I could see my parents again and not suffer the humiliation and pain anymore.  I have constant nightmares and the fact that I was mean to a girl that stayed at my house, because I had to in order to advance the program.  To this day I have never forgiven myself for the torment I gave this girl.  I was only doing what was done to me, I was only 15 years old.  I was told to break her because she needed to be honest.  Looking back, I must have been so brainwashed.  I have never spoken to anyone about this before, too ashamed.  Nobody, unless they were there could possibly understand what it was like.
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Offline ramprato

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Feelings resurfaced
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2002, 03:13:00 PM »
HI,

I'm glad to see you found us. Also glad that once you left you didn't have to go back to Straight. Lots of people as you knew did and then there were some of us like me that "graduated", I wish I had parents like yours that after a while at least weren't still sold on the program. For years I believed all their lies and lived my life as if I had some kind of "drug problem", it is really maddening when you come to one of these sites and see the magnitude of lies and garbage they fed us.

But don't worry, it really does get better, you will start at some point to feel yourself heal. It helps to go into these sites big time, and educated yourself all you can the ways of your victimizer, knowing your enemy is the key.

As far as the next conference goes though, I would imagine it will happen sometime next year, although there is talk of people getting together for mini reunions...

Anyway It was good to see a new person post......

Take care........Ken
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Offline Jflux

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« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2002, 03:42:00 PM »
Thanks Ken.  

I will definitely use the information on this site and other sites to better inform myself.  
I would love to go to a mini get-together.  Please post if there is one.
Jen
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Offline misbehaver

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« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2002, 07:10:00 PM »
Hi Jen- welcome; these forumites are A#1.

I'm sure I've endured much of the same while in Straight; I still get mixed flashbacks and dreams from which I've fed upon. Meaning that I was forced to keep up the same level of adrenaline and fear, etc. to stay alive.

Check out my intro on page 4? for clarification. If ya wanna talk...

BTW: is Gulf to Bay Blvd still as relaxing while jamming Van Halen's Diver Down? hope so

regards, Jason
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Offline kaydeejaded

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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2002, 11:28:00 PM »
Misbehaver? Where were you in? I knew a Jason in Boston
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or those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don\'t, none will do

Offline misbehaver

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« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2002, 02:43:00 AM »
Kady- chek out "Live at Last" ; page 4?

Off to the Sawtooth Range; conventions don't work (for me) Dirttime does. My WAR never ended. Disposable hero; Not! Me and mainstream society will never be compatable.

Best regards, Jason
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Offline Jflux

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« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2002, 09:32:00 AM »
Hi Jason,

Thanks for the welcome!  Gulf to Bay is still a beautiful drive although a lot more crowded.  Your right though, put in some good music and it can be down right relaxing!

Jen
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Offline kaydeejaded

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Feelings resurfaced
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2002, 10:01:00 AM »
Where the hell is page 4????? I must be stupid can you give me directions? Sorry :sad:
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or those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don\'t, none will do

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2002, 11:21:00 AM »
Hi,

If you go the main forum page and select Straight Survivor and scroll down, you will see additional pages of postings (page 1,page 2..ect.)  Hope this helps!
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Offline Antigen

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Feelings resurfaced
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2002, 11:45:00 PM »
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes