Jenn's thoughts...if you care and want to help? read this

[E7haterJe]

I need advice...
What makes a girl or guy..(in my case, a guy, were speaking about a guy problem)--
so--
what makes a girl like a guy SOOO much, she adores them...dates them (boyfriend & girlfriend) for a few months, then gets SOOO sick of them, dumps them...then gets a new boyfriend, then gets sick of them, dumps them, but THEN misses the old boyfriend, (not cause im lonley, I can get guys easily) so I get back with the old boyfriend, then get sick of him again and dump him 2nd time, then get a new boyfriend, then get sick of him, and then go back to the old boyfriend and then dump that same guy that has now been dumped 2 times, dump him a 3rd...then I get a new boyfriend, and then (THAT happened like 4 times) NOW!!!!----
I have had a new boyfriend for like 3 months... and just recently since the guy I have dumped like 4 times, lives near all of us at the college, hangs out at the local bar we all hang out at, and I saw him the other night, and his look, his stare, I dont know...now hes in my HEAD again.. I have been kind of fantisizing about him... (while I have had sex with my boyfriend now, before I go to bed, I go to the bar, hoping ILL SEE HIM, before...I used to wish I DIDNT!!! i really care alot about the boyfriend i have now. and i used to be reallllYY attached to this one now, but since my thoughts about the old one, it has given me strength to release from the strong tie I have with the guy now, because 1/2 of my thoughts are now in the old boyfriend, i have been on and off with for 2 years.... I DONT WANT TO GET BACK>>>It WOULD KILL HIM...he hates me i have three emails if anyone cares to read em that he wrote me jan22nd when i dumped him the 3-4 time... The guy I am with now, says he is SOOO into me, but he is kind of not good for me in sooo many ways...but I like him ALLLLOTTT....!!!! but he is going home this summer to NY..and I know he will meet other girls. (I know ill meet other guys) I kind of want the boyfriend now, but want to flirt with the old one...except the one i have now, is very over protective of me, i also have never cheated on any boyfriends before, so i cant do it, till summer... and i dont even know if the first boyfriend will be around for summer...

Question-- Why do I do this???
Question-- If I was SOOOO sick of him ALLL those times!!! why did I go BACK!!! why did he take me back (well he said he loved me, he said i was his "drug" or whatever..he said I was a lost "butterfly" or whatever...
Question-- Why do I hate get disgusted with his presence...drop him, dont cry, feel bad NOTHING>>>> aT ALL!! then get a new bofriend and then later in the relationship. start to MISS him, and want him??? He doesnt have a new girlfriend, and he knows I do...? So i know I am not jealoous or something/?? :idea:  ::

[xres8182]

what a skank

[Marina]

Sounds like you haven't really met the right guy yet. It's completely NORMAL (yes, normal!!!!!!) to have this kind of doubts about your ex-boyfriends. I know the feeling. Been there, done that.

 I think it's easier to get involved with people you've already been with previously than to actually give other guys the opportunity to get to know you. The new guy is scarrier, you don't know If he's worth a try, you might get hurt, you might get sick of him too quickly, I mean, what do you know about this complete stranger who's interested in you? The ex-boyfriend is more predictable, you know exactly what to expect from him and you miss the good times you've spent together. Sometimes you get too attached to memories and not really to the person. Then, it's not healthy. You don't want to play with his feelings, fist because you'll lose respect and also because you'll end up getting hurt in the process.

   Hey, this is just a suggestion, why don't you give it a try with a new boyfriend? Maybe you're gonna meet someone special and you might actually not get sick of him the same way....

[xres8182]

Marina's right,the more you swallow the happier you will make people

[Pete]

Jenn, in all seriousness, after being with someone this long, don't you feel any need to be by yourself?  I mean, it doesn't mean not to date, but seriously, enjoy single life for awhile.  It can be a ton of fun.

Whenever I've gotten out of a relationship, I've always taken at least a few months to analyze what went wrong.  I've found it works best to put at least a five-month single cushion between serious relationships.  

No one should NEED a companion to be happy.

[Pete]

To clarify: The above is not set in stone, I'm just offering my own experience with it.  I've found that I'm incapable of having another good relationship so soon after getting out of a serious one.  The best I could do was some flings, and even those can be painful early on.

I met my wife a little more than three months after my last serious relationship ended and we started seriously dating a month later.  However, because I hadn't internalized a lot from the previous relationship, the first 10 months of the new relationship were rocky and I almost lost her due to my own selfishness.  I managed to realize at the last minute how much I loved and cherished her and we were engaged by Christmas.  Last June, we got married and although we still fight, we don't hurt each other deeply as often because we've learned more about respecting each other.  

A relationship is about mutual respect.  No offense, but it doesn't seem like you're able to respect either guy right now.  The old boyfriend is getting his heart tugged around and the new one is forced into an emotional tug-of-war with the old one.

I hope you resolve this, in any event, without too much hurt to anyone.

[E7haterJe]

The new one...doesnt know that I even have thoughts about the old one...(lets call him "J") the new one "A" i have been with for like 3 months. The middle one was "B". "B" I think about once and a while, but I dont feel anything for him. Its "J" when I take him back between breakups, and or he takes me back, its AMAZING for the first 1month. Then I get SICKK SOOO SICK of him ALL over...and I want out... I feel bad for like a few days and then I am able to somehow completly almost feel nothing for him. Then I found "A" or we found each other...
Maybe...
To be honest with myself...
"A" is not good for me...
I know I DESERVE MORE...
more compassion, more consideration, and MORE attention...
I know...
to be honest;;; I give ALOT of all those things, and MANY times, I am LIKE "WHAT AM I DOING!!!" havent I learned that these guys are like, not good...
I am enjoying this now. When Summer comes, "A" will go home... he is immature, and I know will be tempted and will give in to desires to "hook up" with other girls back home, and therefore, I will too, If I was sure that he was able to stay with just me, I wouldnt BUT I ALREADY KNOWWWW HIS TYPE>>>SAD hugh!!. I will set some kind of "we will see other people, when he leaves"... I hope to meet the right guy for me...
The thing is...
is when I break up, with "J" I DOOO say ok, I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE!! to have fun, (THE CUSION) but then some new guy comes around, and really wants to be with me, and it is hard for me to let myself get comfortable, and open myself up, if its just a thing..(I have never had FLINGS) I have only had boyfriends...

[Pete]

It doesn't have to be a "fling," per se, but if you aren't ready to commit, you should say so.  If you're already planning to hook up this summer with other people, don't you think you've answered your own question?

Perhaps the new guy doesn't know about your feelings for the old one (and you shouldn't tell him -- that will hurt him more).  But that doesn't make the situation right.

I know it's easy to give your heart away when you're young.  For me, I established a clear line between liking someone and a "relationship" and understood the difference.  It usually takes time for a true relationship to develop; maybe you just shouldn't commit so quickly.

As far as why you do this, I'm not in your head.  My best guess is that you just have a few wild oats to sow and that's fine.

In any event, don't you think you and the new boyfriend need to talk?

[Marina]

Hey Jen, I think you should follow Pete's advice. He's right, sometimes it's good to be by yourself for a while. It's not healthy to jump from one relationship to the other, your heart needs a rest too, maybe that's the reason why you're so confused about A, B, C or whatever.

   After Elan, it took me a while to get used to being alone. I figured I had a lot of catching up to do, so I was in many relationships, one after the other. Of course I'd get sick of them as fast as I'd fall for them, wasn't ready for the next relationship. My heart was a roller-coaster, full of really good intense moments, and other ones that just sucked!

 When I decided to leave my ex-boyfriend with whom I was living down in Florida, I figured I've had enough, so I came back to Maryland and started to give a lot more attention to my friends, my projects, the things that made me feel good. It was difficult to remain single too, there was this really interesting guy who really tempted me in many ways, but I didn't make him a priority. I knew that would hurt us both. I didn't get into anything serious again till the time I moved back to Rio. Believe me, it felt so much better to get involved with a person not having the feeling that I should get rid of the last boyfriend. I was happy single, I was happy with my boyfriend, either way.

   Hope my experience might help you, anyways, thanks for "listening". Hope you find peace and allow your heart to rest till you meet someone who truelly means a lot to you. And remember your priorities, Jen: You come first.

   Love,
        Marina

[Anonymous]

Marina is wise beyond her years...
Jenn
I have always found that time to mend my heart is needed to make good quality decisions. If I make decisions based on my wants and desires i find the end result to be painful.
Sounds like your chasing something that would be
easier found if you looked within ...
just my opinion.
Jenn ... be good to yourself... Elan did nothing to help any of us grow up..in fact most that i have encountered had a terrible time adjusting to reality once our freedom was won.
Part of being good to myself is thinking before i react and trying to "play the tape all the way through" Its hard at first but if you practice it gets easier
Best of luck
art

[E7haterJe]

Thankx...guys..I needed some advise.