Author Topic: Getting over it.  (Read 4595 times)

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Offline ehm

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Getting over it.
« on: March 22, 2004, 09:14:00 PM »
I?ve been hanging around this board for a little over a year now. While I?ve been posting here I?ve had an outlet. A place to say what I felt, no matter what it was, at any given time. I found who I wanted to find, I bitched about the things I needed to ventilate, and for about a good six month period, I dwelled, sinking into a short lived depression. Having found this enormous re-acquaintance with a terrible part of my past, that I?d never actually had the  knowledge of being a victim of. I certainly had never thought of myself as a POW before! I had been a victim of Straight, Inc. What a traumatizing discovery this board was to find.

I immediately thought I had found a wonderful thing. This camaraderie of lost souls. However, that quickly changed, when I realized that flame wars were as common as trolls around here. I have witnessed many in the past year. Quite a few more than the ?regular message boards,? that have moderators that police the board. I?m not saying this is the only ?open forum? out there, but it certainly isn?t known for keeping people under any kind of control, which I know is a big part of the freedom here. However, because of this,  this place can be a big boost of negative energy, and a very unhealthy outlet. Venom and hate truly do rule this board, which is understandable given the subject matter, ei, Miller Newton and Co. Love takes a back seat, but still exists in some small cracks and crevices.

This place can become a crutch, and an addiction, as well as a helpful tool. Just like anger becomes an umbrella emotion for pain, as well as a release. I have a huge apology to make to an anonymous poster who?s opinion I didn?t understand in my first few days. They were saying, ? Pace yourself and be careful.? ?People here have been known to fight dirty.?  And ?There is negativity here,? Explaining how harsh this place could be, and how I shouldn?t look here for healing. I now see exactly where that person was coming from, and am sorry I misunderstood their intentions in the beginning.

I've used this board, and my experience as a child with two different ?treatments,? and a lot of abuse from my family, as an excuse to remain dysfunctional. Habitually focusing on the sorrow and regret, and not looking at the beauty the world had to offer me today. As a result, I have wasted a lot of time.  I became ashamed at the way I saw myself taking life for granted, and decided to start changing everything about myself I didn?t like. After I stopped dwelling on how terrible straight had made my life, and what a victim I?d been for so long, I began to recover from it.

This place can be harsh and cruel, and has been an emotional trigger for me on occasion. It?s really played no role in the renovating of my inner being. Leaving behind a painful memory is a good thing. Dwelling in the past, and continually revisiting the past, can have negative consequences, and is an unhealthy practice. Anonymous was right. Hating is self-eradication.

Though this place may be a source of comfort and affirmation at first,  it?s not a place to find inner peace, or healing for our broken hearts. Only love can do this. You truly do just have to "take responsibility" for your own happiness. I know how hard that is. They trained us to question ourselves constantly, and believe we were nothing without program. Hence, self loathing became our second skin, and anger, sadness and pain being our primary emotions. I loved the new guy?s take on the 7th step:

?I shall become so focused on the needs of others, especially others who treat me poorly that I become co dependent. I will seek to help people who continue to annihilate my self worth because this is a way of life. This is normal. This is what I do. And I shall suppress my rage until I develop some sort of compulsive behavior be it, drinking, drugs, gambling, sex, food, shopping or all of the above. My compulsive behaviors shall continue to reinforce my negative self worth and feelings of shame, worthlessness and hopelessness.? ? Again, brilliant.

When all is said and done, all you really can do is get therapy, get faith, (whatever your concept of ?faith? may be) and get over it. Never once did I say that doing this was easy, but it?s a matter of misery or inner calm. We all make choices on a daily basis, and at any time can choose to change them.

Why bury ourselves in skeletons?

Hate steals.
Love heals.
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Offline ehm

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Getting over it.
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2004, 09:17:00 PM »
Quote
On 2003-02-28 20:48:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Visiting this board often transports us to our pasts. It is understandable that you feel like you go backward 20 years, because you are visiting the past when you reflect upon it. It is hard not to "dwell" in the past when you visit it so frequently.



My experience has been that it has done a little more harm than good to visit the past for the simple reason that there is pain there. Dwelling on that pain isn't necessarily therapeutic either. We can't change the past. When I think of the past it is painful and confusing, and depressing, none of which are really therapeutic. I would submit to you that this board is not the best place to be healed of past wounds, but it is good in the sense that you will bump into people that went through similar things and may find that there is some comfort in that.



I have yet to have a truly healing experience from reading these posts. I've gotten a few chuckles, though. I've gotten a healthy dose of sarcasm and angst and sometimes a ray of light here and there. But when you look at the board as a whole you are usually looking at a massive, collective, oozing and festering wound of which we are all the official scabs thereof. Not pretty.



You have to decide whether you should visit the board or not. It is realistic to say that you may not get what you are looking for from this board. You may have to seek Jesus for total fulfillment, spiritual ecstacy, and unconditional love.



This board is simply a forum for expressing thoughts and feelings without fear of consequence. There is freedom to express "negative" emotions here. Whether or not you can or want to stomach the rants is something you should probably consider. I guess all I'm saying is don't look for more than this here. It is what it is. I would look for healing somewhere else generally speaking.



People here are understandably angry. They feel that they have a right to be angry about Straight. If that is toxic to you, then limit your time on the board. My suggestion."


Quote
On 2003-03-01 20:16:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I didn't mean for my post to be an all out assault on the integrity of the board. It seems that one must put on the bullet proof vests to post an opinion that isn't in agreement with the party line here. I think this kind of smear campaign is reminiscent of the brainwashed in the Straight program. It's the same intimidation, and exaggeration, and hype that I saw when I was in the program, for you respond in the exact same way as the phasers did in the program when they suspected a fellow peer to be "full of it". All that is missing is the wild flapping of arms to get called on by the officials here. The only difference is that you've changed the rallying cry from "you can be Straight this very day" to "Reject everyone who doesn't kiss OUR ass".



Like fire breathing dragons, you come down for the kill, why, because I expressed my humble opinion only. I don't know it all, but like I said before. Healing is not the objective of this site. Propaganda is. You're present world is as warped as you choose to make it and if you want to remain in the gall of bitterness over the past, Fine. I am not going to waste my precious time explaining why I said what I said. I stand by what I said.



I wasn't giving an overall critique of the board and the wonderful people here in the first place. I was simply stating my opinion, an opinion that has been expressed by other posters from time to time which always gets shut down and squashed by the fire-breathing party line. These strong arm tactics are truly unnecessary and I am disappointed at the shallowness I am seeing here, but not surprised.



To clarify, there is alot that can be offered on this board, but I still say that this board, in a general sense, is a place for venting. If that is therapeutic to you, then fine. Vent until your heart is content. Rage against that machine.



I am not in any "denial" about the problems surrounding Straight. But I refuse to give up my brain to swallow everything that I hear from you guys as infallible truth. Did I accidentally defy the Forum Papacy?



What are you guys about anyway? You act like you will never recover from Straight and admit it! That is called LOSING!!!! I know I can and will recover from my Straight inflicted wounds. I will not be pulled back into the steamy caldron of hot poopy that you bathe and romp in. You guys are nuts if you think I am going to romp in the hot stinky poo and say "it's good for you", because I am free not to romp in the stinky poo. I am free to say it is not good for you to romp in the poopy. I am free to tell others that poopy stinks. Hate me all you want, it will only make me stronger. Your ways will never win the war. You lack discipline.



"


That last part is good. ?You lack discipline.?  I personally have called that, "poor impulse control.?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Getting over it.
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2004, 10:10:00 PM »
Personally, I like Maude's posts and the message.

Maude Writes:

Why bury ourselves in skeletons?

Hate steals.
Love heals.

 ::bigsmilebounce::  ::drummer::   ::rainbow::  ::nod::
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Offline jnloar

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Getting over it.
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2004, 02:33:00 AM »
I completely agree with Maude's post.  Straight took our teenage years from us and many after that as we fought the demons that place implanted in our brains and hearts.  I found healing here because it provided me a place to express my regret, shame and guilt from buying into the whole program and being on staff.  I had spent years processing through the rage I had at Straight and the staff members from my program - the remainder of the years of therapy dealt with the guilt and shame I felt from being on staff and had no outlet to voice that regret.  I found it here and have made no bones about the fact that many deserve to be angry with me and that I am fine with those people venting at me if they need to.  I can only do that because I know I have healed many of the wounds from that place.  I have plenty of scars that will always remind of Straight but I can handle the anger and pain from others because I know I am not the person Straight created and have gone to extraordinary lenghts to heal and find a new life.  Straight ripped too many years of my life away from me and I refuse to give it anymore by staying rageful and angry at the things done to me or by me.  I know there are many people here who post that are still seething with anger and rage and you all have every right to those emotions - I hope for you though, that at some point, you decide to let your life move forward and find healing.  It is truly possible to know you hate the place and all it did to everyone there and still be successful in life, love and anything else you choose.  It is a gift that only you can ultimately give yourself and I can promise you that nothing else you recieve in your life will ever compare to it.  Ackowledge and be proud that somehow you are still alive and regardless of how you lead life post-Straight, you can change it and make it better.  I will not lie - it is hard and sometimes it sucks ass but it is so worth it.  The place stole too much from us - don't give it the rest of your life.  We all deserve so much more.
Jennifer
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Offline Dr. Miller Newton

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Getting over it.
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2004, 10:03:00 AM »
I think you need to be more appreciative of the expert drug treatment that you received and the self-awareness that you gained resulting from your time spent at Straight, Inc.
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Offline Antigen

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Getting over it.
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2004, 11:07:00 AM »
Ya'll keep refering to the past, asif this story is over. It's not. Sue Rusche has recently been awarded some hundreds of thousands of Federal dollars to set up Parent Corps pilot programs in 10 states. Every time I see Maurey Povich hook some little girl up to a "lie detector" and grill her for details of her sex life, I rage. Every Ad Council propaganda spot that admonishes me to spy on my kids and suspect the worst of them pisses me off all the more because I know who's paying for the spot; you and me.

I'll get over it and quit being so angry when they quit stealing my money to pay for their efforts at trying to fuck w/ my kids.

I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

--Thomas Carlyle

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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline Anonymous

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Getting over it.
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2004, 11:13:00 AM »
Well...don't watch Maury then.
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Offline Queen Bitch

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Getting over it.
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2004, 11:17:00 AM »
Quote
Well...don't watch Maury then

Dear Anon,

Fuck you.

Love,
Buttsteak
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Offline ehm

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Getting over it.
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2004, 11:40:00 AM »
Y'all who? I know for a fact that it isn't over, but my personal experience in it is. I'm talking about healing from it. I'm not a suffering helpless child with no rights anymore. I'm not a homeless, lost, self-hating drug addict either.

There are plenty of parents that still beat their kids too. Just like I?d been beaten by my father. Plenty of husbands that still batter their wives, and so on... Yes, bad things still happen all around us.  That doesn?t mean that those things get to take a toll on my heart anymore.

I have deep compassion for the kids out there that are still very much "in it." I read the horror stories every week or so, I don?t turn a blind eye. I learned from the mistakes of my parents. My testimony is out there. I pass out information on the subject, and educate those who don't know about it all the time. The fact remains though, yes, these places still very much continue to torture kids, and parents are still irresponsible enough with their own children, to take the bait.

I personally think dwelling in that rage and sadness is unhealthy and fruitless.
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Offline ehm

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Getting over it.
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2004, 11:45:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-03-23 08:13:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Well...don't watch Maury then."


I'm going to have to agree. If it's so upsetting that it takes away from your own well being and mental stability, why subject yourself?

TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISION!  :tup:
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Offline Antigen

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Getting over it.
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2004, 12:03:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-03-23 08:13:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Well...don't watch Maury then."


Closing your eyes doesn't really make the world go away.

The only voluntary urine sample they'll get from me is a taste test
--Bumper Sticker

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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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Getting over it.
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2004, 12:04:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-03-23 08:45:00, Maude wrote:

"
Quote

On 2004-03-23 08:13:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Well...don't watch Maury then."




I'm going to have to agree. If it's so upsetting that it takes away from your own well being and mental stability, why subject yourself?



TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISION!  :tup: "


I don't think Antigen was complaining about the Maury Povich show in and of itself, but using its frequent subject matter as an example of the fact that Straight-like programs are thriving all over the country.

As for "turning off the TV", well, Morli, don't you think you could also log off this website if it "takes away from your own well being and mental stability"?
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eenage Drug Use Is A Disease

Offline Dr Fucktard

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Getting over it.
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2004, 12:08:00 PM »
That's right. Don't think about it. Apply your  Serenity Prayer and move on, Ginger. You need to focus on working your program, not worrying about the fact that kids are receiving the treatment that they so desperately need to help them deal with their drug addiction.
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Offline ehm

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Getting over it.
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2004, 01:27:00 PM »
Quote
you could also log off this website if it "takes away from your own well being and mental stability"?


Right you are! All I?m saying is, that all of our active pursuits are our own personal choices. If you constantly seek out conflict, anger, rage, and hatred, you?ll always find it. There is a happy medium. Very little in life is all or nothing.

Of course the world doesn?t go away, with the avoidance of negativity. The choice to do so however, can be very elucidating, and rewarding. Marinating in hatred isn't my idea of living.

Maude: A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they're not dead, really. They're just... backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt, even! Play as well as you can. Go team! GO! Give me an L! Give me an I! Give me a V! Give me an E! L-I-V-E, LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
--Harold and Maude, 1971

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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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Getting over it.
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2004, 01:33:00 PM »
Quote
All I?m saying is that all of our active pursuits, are our own personal choices. If you constantly seek out conflict, anger, rage, and hatred, you?ll always find it. There is a happy medium. Very little in life is all or nothing.



Of course the world doesn?t go away, with the avoidance of negativity. The choice to do so however, can be very elucidating, and rewarding. Marinating in hatred isn't my idea of living.




The only choice you need to worry about is your decision to turn your will and your life over to the the care of Straight Inc. v2.0.
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