Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry
My 16 year old daughter's first love
Anonymous:
This kid is not being abused. He's the abuser - emotionally abusing those around him
Froderik:
Ok, I give up. Anon, I'm going to have to assume that you're nothing more than a troll until you at least tell us what your interest in this topic is..in other words..are you:
a) another program parent
b) an employee of a rehab, etc..
c) a survivor (ex-client, etc..)
d) ??
And your last statement is a kind of fallacy. Two wrongs don't make right...
Anonymous:
There are many ways to describe an event. Some of them make it look one way, some of them make it look another way.
It is possible that the kid is threatening to run if he doesn't get his way.
It is *also* possible that he's in a frightening and abusive situation but thinks he can stand it if he can only get out for a little while, or that if he can get out for a little while he can get help in not going back.
It's also possible that *both* of those things are true.
When you don't have enough information to make a good choice, frequently the best choice is to mind your own business.
When you're the kid's parent or caseworker, you have to make decisions on limited information.
When it's someone else's kid, and you're not his/her caseworker, you don't have as much information as the kid, the parents, or the caseworker (when there is one), and if you don't have enough information to be absolutely sure you're doing the right thing, frequently mindig your own business and staying out of it is the best choice.
Enough of these places have had deservedly bad reputations for child abuse over the years that assuming the kid is not being abused is not a safe assumption. Assuming the kid *is* being abused is not a safe assumption.
Staying out of it is the wisest course of action for the other mom.
Keeping in mind the whole, "not enough information" thing, the daughter sounds like she has her head screwed on pretty straight, for a teen. I would talk to the daughter to make sure she understands the difference between mature romantic love among equals and "rescuing" behavior.
It sounds to me like she may be trying to rescue or save this boy who's damaged goods.
I don't think he should be abused, but I also wouldn't want my daughter to date him.
Thing is, you really can't control that without provoking an overreaction in your daughter and pushing her away---it's the nature of the age she is.
Maybe a good family therapist could help you plant the seeds to get your daughter thinking about whether she loves this boy or is trying to save him/cure him/rescue him.
People that need saving aren't good romantic partners. And *why* is she looking for a partner she needs to save/mother/rescue? How comfortable is she with her own attractiveness and her own self-worth? She should be shooting for a guy who's about the same level of attractiveness, intelligence, prospects as she has---and should have no trouble finding such dates.
At that age, all the love you know has been parent-child. Sorting out the differences between parent-child love and romantic love is challenging.
I'm not saying she shouldn't be friends with this boy, and I'm not saying you should intervene *directly*, or even indirectly, to break them up.
I'm saying what I'd be concerned about with her is why she's looking for dates she can mother---because if you don't fix that, she'll end up broken up with this guy and go right out and find herself another wounded bird.
Don't worry about this particular boy---worry about why she's insecure enough in her ability to win and keep love that she's trolling for wounded birds.
exsafecounselor:
Kaydeejaded,
I have read many of your post in the past. But this one takes the cake. Do you really believe the crap that comes out of your mouth?
[ This Message was edited by: exsafecounselor on 2004-01-29 09:17 ]
[ This Message was edited by: exsafecounselor on 2004-01-29 09:18 ]
Froderik:
Well shit, man - What did she say? I even looked back a page, and saw no post by her. Please use the quote function in cases like this, thanks..
Ok, I went back another page and found it..what was so bad about what she said?
[ This Message was edited by: Froderik13 on 2004-01-29 09:34 ]
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