Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry
One More Reason to Despise Ashcroft- Refuse to Investigate W
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2004-01-18 10:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Yes, friend.. My child consumes my life.. What a concept for some to get ahold of... "
--- End quote ---
Mine doesn't. Nor does my husband. I love them both, but when your relationship with one person "consumes your life" that's when you feel the need to control them---because them having a life you don't control becomes a threat--because you don't have a life.
When my child was a newborn baby she "consumed my life" for a few months, just because newborns are so inherently needy.
But generally speaking, even if your kid or spouse has terminal cancer having them "consume your life" is bad for you and bad for them.
As any *competent* family therapist or clinical psychologist would tell you.
I can't diagnose you over the internet, and I wouldn't try, but I can tell you that letting any one person or thing "consume your life" is a very, very self-destructive life coping strategy.
If you haven't already done so, get an independent second opinion.
I would urge you, separate from the program or its people, to go see a licensed family therapist---and pick one that doesn't look so much for deep dark roots, but that focuses on day to day problems in living---and the first problem you lay on the table is the feeling that your child "consumes your life" and that people you've spoken to have suggested you might have a problem with controlling behavior.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't. But with your child's welfare at stake, you should at least get that independent second opinion.
If possible (and I know you're going to hate this)---you should schedule your intake session with the independent therapist when your ex-husband can go, and let him know that you've listened to his concerns about your daughter and are respecting them enough to get an independent second opinion on what's going on in your family---particularly, what *your* family coping "issues" are. Tell him you both will get a more accurate opinion from the therapist if he/she can talk to someone who knows you well, rather than just you, and that you don't expect him to go to counseling with you forever--just a one time independent second opinion, partly in response to his own parenting concerns.
If you can't or won't take him, take your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother---someone close to you who knows you inside out, preferably has lived under the same roof for an extended period sometime in your life. Preferably someone who is not your biggest and best cheerleader.
This will let you get the most out of a second opinion---your therapist could, over time, winkle out whatever's going on with you. Taking someone else to give an outside opinion of you---even if you and your ex hate each other (a good therapist will be able to weed through that) it would help some---it lets the therapist figure you out fast so he/she can give you a read on what problems in living, coping, and interacting with people you need to work on.
*Everybody* has some interpersonal thing they could do better. A solid, independent second opinion can give you a good reality check.
If your child "consumes your life," isn't she worth that much?
Anonymous:
In the beginning of a child being in a program, no matter what else in your life is important, that child is on your mind night and day. It does get better, life goes on and a balance is soon created.
With only 4 months for this mom, this is absolutely normal and has nothing to do with control. It's instinct and love, just like an infant. As the weeks pass, more than likely, she'll focus in other areas of her life, but still miss her daughter.
Who here as a parent can say those first months weren't tough and thought consuming?
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2004-01-18 20:07:00, Anonymous wrote:
"In the beginning of a child being in a program, no matter what else in your life is important, that child is on your mind night and day. It does get better, life goes on and a balance is soon created.
With only 4 months for this mom, this is absolutely normal and has nothing to do with control. It's instinct and love, just like an infant. As the weeks pass, more than likely, she'll focus in other areas of her life, but still miss her daughter.
Who here as a parent can say those first months weren't tough and thought consuming?"
--- End quote ---
Involuntary commitment with no meaningful safeguards has been tried before. It led to the same problems in the adult population that the survivors of unjustifiable teen involuntary commitments are reporting now.
I wouldn't argue that there aren't some mental or behavioral conditions that merit involuntary commitment or incarceration.
I would argue that the present system, having no safeguards against, "parent loopy, kid sane" is just as bad as the 1950's, which basically had few safeguards against a husband claiming his wife was loopy and having her involuntarily committed.
Same patterns, same abuses, and the present abusive and unregulated system will ultimately fall the same way.
As it should.
There have to be standards defining the kid who is *not* a candidate for involuntary commitment, no matter how much his or her parents want to commit him/her. And there will be. It's just going to take the right high-profile case to get the safeguards in place.
Patience and tenacity will succeed in reforming almost any corrupt and abusive system, in time.
I don't want to eliminate involuntary commitment.
I *do* want to ensure that the child's mental health is evaluated by a totally independent expert before he/she is committed against his/her will; that the parents' or guardians' mental health is evaluated; that the child is placed with the least restrictive effective treatment option if ill--say, in foster care under sane parents and in outpatient treatment; and that in cases where involuntary commitment is justified, the patient has the same rights as an involuntarily committed adult, and a system is not only in effect to enforce those rights, but that it actually does so.
I am confident that we will get those reforms.
Patience and tenacity.
Too bad there's no badger emoticon. :wave:
Anonymous:
The therapy session was only one example of the reasons I do not agree with all WWASP does nor is it the only reason I would not offer information to other parents to send their child there. It was simply a short answer to your questions. You think it works for you.....great for you.....will it work till the end......only time will tell....will you get things from your daughter you sent her there for.....again only time will tell. You are letting it consume your life.....very easy to do.....once your breathe outside the box they are putting you in.....perhaps you will change your mind or not.
There are many reasons I see things I do about WWASP.
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2004-01-19 05:56:00, Anonymous wrote:
"The therapy session was only one example of the reasons I do not agree with all WWASP does nor is it the only reason I would not offer information to other parents to send their child there. It was simply a short answer to your questions. You think it works for you.....great for you.....will it work till the end......only time will tell....will you get things from your daughter you sent her there for.....again only time will tell. You are letting it consume your life.....very easy to do.....once your breathe outside the box they are putting you in.....perhaps you will change your mind or not.
There are many reasons I see things I do about WWASP. "
--- End quote ---
There's your problem. You expected "them" to do it for your daughter. There will never be positive results unless the kid, and for that matter, the whole family, is open and willing to make changes. No one could do it for your daughter, she had to do it herself. There's some good articles in The Source this month that are from kids that sound like your daughter, but decided to get real with themselves and really put into practice what was offered. You are not a victim unless you choose to be.
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