Author Topic: RFR-This is how they treat their friends they left behind.  (Read 3188 times)

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Offline AACameToBe

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RFR-This is how they treat their friends they left behind.
« on: August 04, 2012, 11:31:01 PM »
X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by
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X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby rainbow Mon May 28, 2012 5:12 am
OK, so I know I'm an intelligent woman, who can make up my own mind to do things & I can make my own decisions, but I could really use some advice right now. My x-sponsor called tonight. I panicked when I saw it was her on the caller ID, and I let it go to the answering machine. Now, I really do like this woman in many ways, but I don't really want to talk to her yet. I'm not ready. Hmm, I guess that's my answer right there, huh? AA has worked for her for 33 years, and I'm really happy it does -- for her. I kind of feel like a chicken-$hit for not calling her anymore -- have only called her once, and I did it when I knew she was at work & I left a message.

A few of my AA friends have come by and -- some of them I will see -- but then other times I pretend that I'm not home. Curtains shut & quiet as a mouse I am until they leave. It's because I'm scared of some of them. Afraid they'll try to sway me back into their rooms. Afraid they'll start in on their cult talk & propaganda & Guilt. They can't sway me -- I'm done. There's no going back. I think I just need some time. I sure do feel like a chicken right now, though. :| Or maybe I'm just protecting myself. X-sponsor said she hoped I was doing well (and I am). She said she hopes we can connect up again soon...or maybe someday. Maybe. I dunno just yet.

Tonight was birthday night. My friend Diana celebrated her 25th year of sobriety. She came over the other day, we talked, she asked if I was coming to the birthday. I told her I was very proud of her & happy for her, but I just can't go back to that fellowship. She understood. She doesn't exactly enjoy herself there either, she confided. She takes what she needs from there & has a way of leaving the BS there.

When friends ask me why I walked out, I've been real careful to not bash AA or call it a cult to them. I respect their decision to go there. If it works for them, great. But if it isn't working for them, all I can do is hope they wake up & see the Truth someday.

bock bock bock
It's time to OCCUPY AA.

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby btnben Mon May 28, 2012 10:51 am
It's not easy rainbow - especially at the start. Remember, you are just one person and AA has 75 years of propaganda behind it and a lot of devout followers. I think this is a great topic, because, often when people leave AA they leave the major part of their social life behind. It's not easy in the early days.

I found that the best way was to say nothing until asked. If someone then asked why I didn't go to meetings I simply said I thought it was rubbish. Obviously, how I said "rubbish" depended on who it was and how much I wanted to wind them up - no-one said I had to be perfect :D

The word quickly gets around and people leave you alone. Remember all the "love bombing" when you first went to AA? Just see how many AA friends remain after you leave. I think they call it "true colours" don't they? :evil:

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby istj04 Mon May 28, 2012 10:04 pm
The ones who are "stalking you" (for lack of a better term!) are doing so because they want to see if YOU ARE STILL SOBER (they believe the bullshit, that you can't be sober OUTSIDE the "rooms", "at a meeting", or engaging in the 24-7 co-dependance that IS "12-Steppism". All you have to do to keep the "cultists" away is:

1.) Inform them that you NO LONGER MEET MEMBERSHIP CRITERIA ("Desire to stop drinking") as you have ALREADY STOPPED, STAYED STOPPED, and ARE CONTINUING TO STAY STOPPED!

2.) Remain sober. Now! Now! And NOW!

3.) If they keep coming by, then THREATEN THEM WITH ALCOHOL! Put it on your front doorstep, and tell them they must drink it before they come in, or ring your doorbell, or call you! ;) Then if they do, laugh and point at them because YOU STAYED SOBER, and THEY DID NOT! ;) Then tell them to get their asses to the co-dependent, cultist "meeting" that they clearly have no life without! And to never call you again. You outrank them. You are INDEPENDENT AND SOBER! They are not, will not, and cannot be, or remain such!

4.) Film/record whatever interaction you have with these people, and put it on You Tube, thus BLOWING THEIR "ANONYMITY", and exposing them for the cultists they are! That ought to stop them!

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby Dare031 Tue May 29, 2012 1:53 am
When I broke from the cult, I told my sponsor that his services as such, were not required any longer. I also told him that if he wanted to talk fishing, cars, or sports, it was cool with me. He intially wanted to know how my dry drunk was going. I firmly informed him that I was no longer a member, and that the condition of not discussing AA was NOT negotiable. Long story short, both he and my former cult members simply faded away into history. I no longer wanted what they had, and they went away. Not answering your door, or telephone, is not cowardly. It is totally your right not to answer both your door, and your phone. Nobody owns you. Take your time. You own no one an explanation. Your life is your business. Take care of yourself. :D
Blind respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth. - Dr. Albert Einstein

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby teatotaler Tue May 29, 2012 6:16 pm

    istj04 wrote:The ones who are "stalking you" (for lack of a better term!) are doing so because they want to see if YOU ARE STILL SOBER (they believe the bullshit, that you can't be sober OUTSIDE the "rooms", "at a meeting", or engaging in the 24-7 co-dependance that IS "12-Steppism". All you have to do to keep the "cultists" away is:

    1.) Inform them that you NO LONGER MEET MEMBERSHIP CRITERIA ("Desire to stop drinking") as you have ALREADY STOPPED, STAYED STOPPED, and ARE CONTINUING TO STAY STOPPED!

    2.) Remain sober. Now! Now! And NOW!

    3.) If they keep coming by, then THREATEN THEM WITH ALCOHOL! Put it on your front doorstep, and tell them they must drink it before they come in, or ring your doorbell, or call you! ;) Then if they do, laugh and point at them because YOU STAYED SOBER, and THEY DID NOT! ;) Then tell them to get their asses to the co-dependent, cultist "meeting" that they clearly have no life without! And to never call you again. You outrank them. You are INDEPENDENT AND SOBER! They are not, will not, and cannot be, or remain such!

    4.) Film/record whatever interaction you have with these people, and put it on You Tube, thus BLOWING THEIR "ANONYMITY", and exposing them for the cultists they are! That ought to stop them!




THAT IS AWESOME!!! If I could scream with laughter and shout, "Right on!" so that it could be heard all across this country, I would! I esp. love that part about putting alcohol on the doorstep and telling them they have to drink it as a requirement to even ring the doorbell! :lol: :D :!: Also, they are still cult members. IMO, no one owes those cultists a darned thing - not a phone call, not a contact, not even a final "Goodbye, good luck, and goddamn ya!" (Well, maybe that last part...LOL). I view them as cult members when they were in their ROOMZ, and they are still cult members outside of their ROOMZ - yep, that even includes running into them at the grocery store. Here's a zinger that works for me if, for some reason, they try to talk to me. I look them in the eye like they are excrement, and I say: "You must be mistaking me for someone else." I haven't run into many of them over the last year or so, but if they try to talk to me, their "serenity" WILL get disturbed! No cultist has any individual's best interests at heart - it doesn't matter what they say or how "nice" they act (see "love-bombing" in istjo4's post). IMO, your safety and well-being - on all levels - comes FIRST! Sorry for rambling on. Peace. :)

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby massive Wed May 30, 2012 6:08 am
OMG RAINBOW what a fantastic post! I was laughing so hard at some of the great feedback you were given here as well. I think you know whats right. Stay away and get strong so when you want, not when they demand it, you will know what exactly to say in time.

When I left, a few contacted me through facebook saying they missed me there and it wasnt the same without me but they did not even pick up the phone. Maybe 4 are really friends in a room filled with 40-50 a night. Only one called me on the phone. I was not surprised. They became to ice me out 8 months prior over the Make AA Safer Issue that a group of us worked really hard on.

But when I left, I had been planning my escape for months, about 4 to be exact. I debated just leaving without saying anything.
Its not my style. So IN january of 2011 I started going every other week to the only meeting I went to ...a women's stagg. We did alot of the Make AA Safer stuff together so they knew what I went through as a GSR. I started going to Smart meetings and I would share about SMart and Orange papers every time I shared. Always a few women would come up to me asking me about " what is that Smart thing you talked about" I was planting seeds on purpose.

I took my last cake in early May. I asked someone to do the treasury for me every other week. And for the first time I didnt care or feel guilty. It was fantastic to feel this way after 36 years of feeling so obligated to AA to be of service. Bloggers on ST debated whether I would really leave. I had alot of support from that blog. Thanks Ilse and Mark for that too.

So that last night in May 2011, I waited till the last share, and I raised my hand and I say "Im done. I had it. That AA is so full of shit and NY AA and the area I no longer believed in any of it and that I was gonna go to Smart and I felt like my youth was stolen from me" ...on and on I went. I felt so relieved.
(really I only spoke for 3 minutes) they have a timer there... LOL There were actually some tearful women, some phoney smiles, some genuine hugs, some ignored me and passed me by. Overall it was really good. I felt great. I left there with my head held high! I did not give a fuck. I had done so much fucking service in AA in was pathetic.

Thank God I believe in some Buddhist aspects so now I believe none of that service was wasted . It was done for me, my children and my family. No genuine service that we do for mankind is ever wasted. ( now that is another big lie they tell newcomers. That we have to be of service to stay sober....that is Bullshit!)

But at first RAINBOW I was furious about the amount of time I was in AA and what a fool, koolaid drinking BB thumber /sponsor I was. Although I like to think I was special and did believe in therapy and every type of outside work possible. Clara from op I was never :)

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby massive Wed May 30, 2012 6:15 am
istg04 btbben all of you had me laughing on the floor! Thanks for this thread rainbow ;)

oh yea , then I went to Hawaii in the summer and invited all my old best buds to dinner. Usually I had a little AA meeting in my house. Instead we ate, then while having dessert I said I have an annoucement. I have left AA and this is why. I pulled out my Make AA Safer pamphlet and my newest postcard which says

"Is 12 Step not working for you"? and the list of non 12 step choices on the back.

They all laughed and said, Thats Monica! a rebel still at heart. I have know them since I was 18 and they are real friends. But that was back then in the 70's. One friend has a husband who is not my friend and he sad there with that stupid judgmental face. I will never invite him again.

sorry so long .....

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby nieko Wed May 30, 2012 7:03 am
Oh this one did make me laugh!

Since I left in January I've had a few of them call me, I tell them various things depending on how I'm feeling at the time.
It was the CA world convention not so far from me the weekend just gone, Chris R and a load of crazies from Primary Purpose where there apparently, I was gonna go, just on the Saturday and mostly for the dance, my ex-sponsor sent me a text on the Saturday morning, I haven't spoken with her in months.
All the text said was something like "hi, are you coming to the convention" (I even got a kiss on the end of the text, love bombing?) just the idea of seeing her and hearing people talking about inventory and resentments and trying to out "well" each other, it is CA afterall, made me decide I just couldn't face it.

I don't think you were a chicken, I think you were exercising some discernment, there's no reasoning with some of them, especially the ones who are super programmed. Some of them are okay but they speak riddles. The term "ex" implies ex for a reason, move house, or put electric fence around it or yeah, leave liquor on the doorstep - I particularly liked that one!

The step 10 promises have not yet been 100% fulfilled for me as regards steppers, yes, I recoil from them as from a hot flame but I am not in a position of neutrality, safe and protected by ashtray God, the problem has not yet been removed, I've just removed myself from the problem.

Remember it's not their fault, they were born that way ;) it's amazing they can even make it to your doorstep considering they are "men who have had their legs cut off" - wow to think of all that paper they're going to have to waste writing inventory on you...
People come and go so quickly around here - Dorothy Gale

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby Vicky345uk Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:02 am
I remember going see chris raymer at Denmark convention, what a fucking insulting moron. GDP I hate those people

Xx

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Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby dorak nob Wed Aug 01, 2012 3:44 am
after leaving AA got really drunk one night, one night. So next day get a call from concerned AA friend. How the hell did he know what the hell I was up to? Then I remembered at the time my wife was in Al Anon , she had a sponsor. So happy she quit that crazy making cult, I swear I would quit every substance know to man or woman to keep my wife from Al Anon. She doesn't need any part of Bill Wilsons guilt inducing cult, what the hell I was the one that got drunk.


Re: X-Sponsor & AA friends calling & coming by

Postby BB Kate Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:05 am
It seems to be all or nothing with XA members.

Noone bothers to call me, including people i thought i had really solid friendships with. When i told a coupel of them i wasn't going to AA anymore, they said "we'll miss you" - it was like it was my funeral or something!
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