Monthly Blog for June 2008THOUGHTS OF MISS CHRIS CICCONE - blog, JUNE 8, 2008 Hello cyberspace, the world of the internet, yeah you guys, all my peeps out there. This is Chris, live to you all, here to announce that I am going to post a “monthly blog” each and every month. Any other blogs I put up, consider yourselves lucky, only reason why I put them up is probably because I’m bored. Anyways, I got a camera coming in the mail soon, so I’ll be able to put up new picture albums every so often on myspace and facebook; that and I can record mini low quality videos about random stuff, which I will put on YouTube. My user ID for like, EVERYTHING, is "starspangledwarrior" so you can find me on facebook, myspace, and youtube... I only add people I've met in person when it comes to facebook and myspace, just cuz of personal information on there and person paranoia to be honest lol..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYUKflmMGaAWell, here I am, at my job… Academy at Swift River (ASR). I work 10pm to 8am, the graveyard shift. I really like it, despite the endless drive it takes to get here (it’s almost an hour away from where I live). It is a school for troubled teens, a paid program, kinda like a highschool and a rehab place all in one. Most of the kids here are well behaved, for me they are at least. I don’t let my guard down though, I’m afraid they’re thinking of taking advantage of me since I am so chill with them. It won’t happen though, I’ll make sure of it, no kid’s going to make a fool outta this soldier. Yeah most of them know that I’m in the Army, so that’s enough to keep them from messing with me, hehe. The ages here range from 14 to 19 (is the max.), their backgrounds are all diverse, but most of the school is of a white background. But the story for most of these kids is
that their parents never had time for them, so they just did whatever… then it came to the point where their parents didn’t know how to control their own child and ended up sending them here.
Rumors say that it costs about $6,000 monthly tuition to keep their child in this program. Hah, I used to think that I was going to be dealing with ghetto people whose parents are living off of the system, but turns out this is the complete opposite. I work in the female dorms, making sure that they are all in bed by 10pm, no one’s out of their beds for any reason (except for the bathroom).
Only problem we have had so far is homosexual relations, but we seem to have separated all the potential “couples” that have been engaging in such activity. No one has really given me trouble yet, it’s been my third week already; but my eyes and ears are always open for possibilities. Although I am very stern with myself about becoming complacent, I doubt that anything is going to happen, simply because I have bonded with so many of them and have thanked/appreciated them all for keeping my job easy by behaving themselves. I guess it’s safe to say that I have gained respect from most of them all (is what they have told me), cuz I’m around their age, and have made so many positive decisions in my life. I am in the Army, hold two stable jobs, living on my own, am going to college in the fall, and have goals in my life which I am making an effort to pursue. Most of the kids here have fallen victims to drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and such. They have trouble establishing goals, don’t know what they’re going to do in life, or have motivation of such. It’s really kind of sad because a lot of them are perfectly capable it’s just the outlook they have on themselves is quite negative it seems. Some kids turn their lives around, but very few successfully finish the program and move on to greater things because a lot resort to their previous addictions and short comings they had which caused them to be here in the first place.
Anyways, enough of my job, and more about me, hehe. How am I? most of you ask. I would sincerely say that I am pretty happy right now. The only things that are frustrating me right now are my car problems and my issue with Cynthia Saunders. I bought a car for almost 2 grand, and I turned out to be the most crappiest piece of garbage I have ever owned. I’ve only had it for a month, and have invested over 500 dollars of my earned salary on fixing the stupid thing up. So far the oil seals turned out to be broken, the brakes shot, the muffler bad, the timing belts bad, the gas tank cracked.. So I guess it’s safe to say I’m stuck with a bomb of a car, and have been investing money in fixing up the stupid thing when I could have just bought a better reliable car instead of getting myself into a mess like this. It’s been over 30 days, so the lemon law in Massachusetts goes, which means I can’t shove the car right back into the face of the guy who sold it to me, which makes me even more mad. I hate wasting money on a piece of crap like this.
Ok, so now that that’s covered, my issue with Cynthia. Most of you know she scammed me when I moved in with her in East Longmeadow last month. She basically rented me and room and stole my money; she failed to pay the landlord the rent and he kicked us out. She owes me $700, and court fees when I take her to court. I hate this. I hate all of it, why can’t she just be fair and give me all my money back after all the bull she put me through. I wish I had done stuff in writing, never again will I fall for crap like that. Yeah but that's a whole other story which I am tired of repeating, so yeah.
Oh, there is one more thing that’s been bothering me actually. My family issues are mostly at bay, I just recently had to say goodbye to my biological mother because I cannot deal with the blasts to the past, it’s too overwhelming for me. She left me when I was 10 years old, and just randomly became active in my life around this past Christmas. I dunno what she was thinking, but I guess she expected me to accept her in my life again after totally abandoning me for the entirety of my teenage years, the time I needed her the most. She caused me so much emotional and psychological damage because of that. When I was 16, I decided to have greater purpose in life than to feel sorry for myself because of what my mother did to me, so I worked with my psychologist to completely erase the past from my subconscious, in order for me to move on and be someone in life, instead of always wanting to be with my mother or kill myself. So after doing that, it was just to hard for me to mend childhood experiences, since I had forgotten most of them. This is good because they are mostly negative, full of neglection and abuse. I just decided that it hurt me to see the way that my mother is now, not mentally present, a victim of drugs which caused her mental illnesses. She’s not a good influence for me, and her bringing up my past, lying to me, and manipulating me just isn’t healthy, especially the time of my life that I am in. So I let her go, it hurts me, knowing that she might commit suicide because of my rejection towards her, but when I really analyze things, she brought this upon herself because of the poor decisions she made when she was younger. I use her as an example of what I do not want to turn out to be, so that’s the only good that has come out of this.
Alright! Next subject… As most of you may know, my birthday is coming up end of this month, which I am very happy about. I leave for my annual training with my unit for two weeks this month. I leave June 12th and return June 28th, the day before my birthday. I am going to be SO bored, I just know it. I get so bored when we do our weekend things, now two weeks? Oh my gosh… I am going to die. Psyche, I won’t die, this is what I signed up for, and protecting our country requires a lot of training, so such should be expected. I am just a little worried about us having a PT test; I am so out of shape. It’s hard to keep in shape without a personal trainer (drill sergeant) motivating you. It’s easy to become complacent and not strive for the full 100% workout. I “get tired” when I run, and resort to fast walking. That will not help me pass the test, so I really gotta step it up and press for above average instead of mediocre.
Anyways, my motivation to get through this drill is my birthday at the end of it all. I am so excited, my best friend from high school, Steven, is coming up to hang out with me on my birthday. I have so much fun whenever I am with him, and I’m glad that we have always stayed best friends. I secretly hope that that will begin to change though. I never thought this in a million years, but I think that I am starting to fall for him, tee hee ^_^. We’ve been friends for about 5 years now, and I have never ever thought of him as a potential boyfriend, honestly because he’s such a dork, not much to look at, and is really girly… I usually date hot athletic guys, who can show me a good time. But all my relationships have turned out to be disastrous. Steven’s the only guy that has ever shown me compassion, and I do believe that he truly cares about me. He’s so understanding, and can always brighten my day no matter what. I just always wonder, and hope, that maybe deep down inside, he feels something for me, because that would be awesome. This sounds crazy but if anyone ever asked me if I believe in soul mates, I would say yes, because I think of him. (And the crowd goes “awwwwww!!!” hehe)
Anyways, enough of that cuz he might read this, so I don’t wanna scare him too much, ha ha. I am so excited to have the day off. I’m going to spend the day with Steven, see if maybe I can get a military discount at Six Flags of some sort, (cuz I’m not about to spend a fortune on two tickets to get in), and chill there. I love Six Flags, it’s really fun and I’m sure I can have an awesome time with my best buddy. Steven and I have always loved going places together (i.e. Saturday hang outs, field trips, summer camp, etc.).Then for nighttime I’m going to invite 5 or 6 friends over to chill with me at my place. It’s going to be pretty simple birthday “party” though, I’m planning to go out and buy a giant cookie cake with my name on it, some ice cream and soda. One of my friends has a wii, so he’ll bring that over, and we’ll just hang around and have a good time.
I put my application in the mail the other day for HCC (Holyoke Community College), I picked Criminal Justice. I hope that I can work something out that is convenient for me. I want just one class a day, hopefully 2 or 3 classes a week if possible. (I heard that not all classes are every single day of the week, some are only offered 2 or 3 times a week, so if that’s true, that’s good, brings me closer to my major faster). I’m pretty stoked about the Montgomery G.I. Bill, which I intend to save in order to buy myself a better car in a couple years (once my license has been active for 3 years, that way my insurance rates will drop and I can finally get my own insurance and car title, so I don’t have to go under my dad’s name anymore. Still, it won’t help much cuz my insurance will go down, but my end of the year taxes will go up because I have more assets. Then again, my credit will go up too cuz I will most likely finance half the cost of a semi-new used car). Yeah so I’m pretty optimistic about life now that I have goals and things I am working towards.
Alright, now as for me and God. I have been wavering in that area for a while. But I have sincerely decided to set my life on track with Him (finally) and actually try to live a clean healthy life. I have no time for church on Sunday because of my schedule, but I hope to be able to work something out sometime soon. I hope to find the church that is right for me, and at least do a Wednesday night Bible study if I can’t make it to church Sunday morning/evening for service. I need God in my life, and church helps to keep Him in my life by being surrounded by other people who are stoked about His existence. I am going to start to make it a habit to read my Bible, a devotional, and have a little prayer time at least once a day. God is very important to me, and He is who sustains my life, future, hope, and prosperity here on earth, so I should at least show some effort and gratitude towards Him. I also miss serving him, and hope to order some Chick© tracts soon so that I may at least begin witnessing, even if it is anonymously. I believe that tracts are the best way to witness to non-believers for those who are too busy for church involved ministries, or for those who feel shy about witnessing for God. My good friend Tammy always said: “All that matters at the end of the day is what you have done for God.” I think that that statement is so true, and it really challenges me. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I have decided to get back in synch with the Lord.
Ok, checking in for the night here… going to proceed with FINALLY finishing the 3rd season of Wonder Woman, then I can say I have finally seen it all!!! AH HA HA!!! Wow, I am too obsessive. Anyways, this is Chris over and out, until further notice hehe.
