Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones

Journals from CEDU - Keep or Toss?

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Loli:
One of the things that freak me out is if I get hit by a bus, my two young sons would have access to it. They have only known me as mother and teacher - someone who doesn't smoke, rarely drinks, and doesn't get engaged in any craziness but good clean fun and adventure. They see me as strong and independent. They don't know how miserable and troubled I was, how depressed.... the traumas and abuses and untethered life I led, the neglect and the lack of self value. Or how unprotected I was... I don't know if I'd want them to read all that. Their grandmother is an awesome grandma and I wouldn't want them to read about how un-parented I was.  Hell, reading it again, and remembering all those feelings of helplessness was really unpleasant and sad. I also threw away so many relationships post-CEDU or sort of detached because I didn't know where they fit in my life schema.   CEDU said bare all, even to the undeserving, have no boundaries... it also sort of colored my perception that every relationship in the outside world is shallow and impure... it left me seeking the ultimate transcendental connection which is just bullshit. Relationships are forged on the exigencies and trivialities of everyday life.  Not some propheet experential from Lifespring.

I don't know if I can read those journals again. What is the purpose?

none-ya:
If you're really that afraid of all the harm that they can do, then just get rid of them.

Xelebes:
As Ursus said, the books might be useful material for those who want to explore the experimentation of the US after World War II.  If you can find a historian interested in this subject, you might be able to off-load at least a couple of them.  Once there are surviving articles in interested hands or there is nobody interested, you can burn the rest.

dniceo7:
I was a little toasty one night, came across my old Challenge Phase Portfolio, got extremely upset reading the pages within (a few full-time journals were included; Challenge Phase was by far my most difficult period at BCA), and burned the whole portfolio in a bonfire.

I regret it.

I really don't want to go back into the pages of the remaining journals/portfolios I still have, but I can't be 100% certain I won't want to at some point down the road (way, way down the road...I'm like you and am always tempted to burn them when I move and come across that box in the back of my basement). Same goes for the folder full of documents my parents gave me last year (I'm 26 and have been out of CEDU for 9 years now) that showed the other side of the coin; write-ups from counselors, therapist assessments, notes from the "parent's workshops", etc.

Also, I'm a parent myself now, and if at some time in the future a fellow parent is considering an EG Boarding School, I might want to show them the brainwashed words I was forced to write while there. It could be beneficial as a kind of deterrent that helps them make the decision for themselves, as they might see my opposition to the programs as too biased to take seriously.

Just my thoughts!

Oscar:
Scan them with personal stuff which can identify you blanked out, post them on a blog with a publishing date some 20 years into the future. When the date nears and you still are around then move the date X years forward. At some point you are not around anymore and then the pages will go online and people would know how damaging such places can be.

While you havn't told your children of the past, they somehow know that you have experienced something. Once you are gone they will have the chance to learn why you decided in certain ways while bringing them up.

Believe me: They know, but they don't know what they know.

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