Geez. How in depth did reporter Mary Ellen Godin actually interview Taylor Riberio? Or was it mostly, perhaps more or less exclusively, Riberio's mother?
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MyRecordJournal.com ·
MeridenOne girl's struggle with cyber bullyingPosted: Monday, July 18, 2011 11:18 pm | Updated: 11:28 pm, Mon Jul 18, 2011.
Mary Ellen Godin · Record-JournalMERIDEN - At one point, Taylor Riberio's mother slept at the end of her bed to watch over her.
Riberio, now 16, was once a popular girl who loved her family, friends and sports. By the time her freshman year was over, she had grown depressed and suicidal.
She was being cyber bullied.
For the past two years, Riberio and her family have been on a journey into the ugly side of Facebook and other sites that could have cost the teenager her life.
After spending more than eight months at Aspen Ranch in Utah, Riberio returned two weeks ago ready to resume her life and share her experience in the hope of putting an end to cyber bullying.
"I want to say, ‘If you want to hurt somebody and want to make their life miserable, then who are you?' " Riberio said. "Why do you not like yourself to the point you hurt someone? Look in the mirror. The drama will never end, what can stop is the bullying."
Riberio's problems included the death of a very close friend, whose suicide at 15 couldn't be easily explained by Riberio's most trusted confidant, her mother, Lynn Ryder.
As a freshman at Platt High School, Riberio joined a new group of friends who were known for being on the wild side. It was a new experience for Riberio, who wanted to fit in with the excitement. They bullied and threatened others. Riberio joined in but learned it wasn't for her. So she tried to leave.
They came after her in instant messages, on Facebook groups with names like "People Who Think Taylor Riberio Should Die" and "People Who Think Taylor Riberio's Family Should Die."
Her mother and family knew little about what was causing their daughter to drift away from sports, family, friends and school. They only knew that something was terribly wrong.
Ryder asked for her daughter's Facebook password but was denied.
"I was embarrassed," Riberio said. "I was the girl who everybody liked. I couldn't say I was being bullied."
Ryder pulled her out of Platt and enrolled her at Sheehan High School, in Wallingford, but the bullying followed her through friends of old friends.
Both Platt and Sheehan high schools tried to help Riberio once they learned of the problem, Ryder said.
But Riberio was still holding back.
Her response was not unusual, experts said. About 58 percent of children and teens who are cyber bullied don't tell their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened to them online, according to the Journal of Adolescent Health.
There is a fear of retaliation or a worsening of the bullying. There is also the fear of losing Internet or phone privileges.
According to a 2010 report on cyber bullying from the Pew Research Center, up to a third of teenagers say they have experienced some form of online harassment and 26 percent say they have experienced harassment through voice or text messages on their cell phones.
Although some might still say it's just kids being kids, others see cyber bullying as a more serious problem. For the past several years there have been news accounts of teens who have killed themselves, apparently driven to suicide by cyber bullying. A new state law increases school reporting requirements, and police are taking notice.
Platt Director of Guidance Sue Vitcavage, who served as Riberio's counselor during her time at Platt, said the school takes various measures to help prevent cyber bullying and inform students on how to deal with it.
While the schools do not employ people specifically to monitor Internet activity, problems are dealt with through a network that includes counselors, teachers, administrators and school resource officers. The school passes out Internet safety booklets and also offers a confidential mediation session with administrators for cyber bullies and their targets.
Vitcavage said that cyber bullying often occurs outside of school, so prevention requires parental involvement and monitoring of children's online activity. She added that while the problem is not nearly as widespread as some media reports might lead many to believe, those working with students need to recognize the impact cyber bullying can have.
"We do it in a proactive way. It's purposefully proactive so that we can hopefully nip these possible problems before they occur," she said. "Our students are pretty aware of what's out there and what they need to do to get help."
Therapists diagnosed Riberio with depression. She frequently skipped school, went to Hubbard Park and wouldn't come home until late at night. About a year ago, she went to a friend's house in Berlin and stayed for a couple of days.
As Ryder searched for her daughter, she checked her computer and was able to see her Facebook page without the password.
An instant message popped up.
"You mean you haven't killed yourself yet?" it read.
Ryder felt the wind knocked out of her. She recognized the author as someone her daughter played sports with years ago.
"I cried, because it was like I was being attacked in my own house," Ryder said. "It takes your breath away."
Police found Riberio and she was taken to a psychiatric facility at Yale-New Haven Hospital to keep her safe until the family could come up with a plan.
Ryder had researched treatment programs for eight months and brought the brochures to her daughter. They agreed on Aspen Ranch because it offered the specialty of equine therapy for grieving young people. The cost of the treatment program was a whopping $80,000 for eight months.
It took Riberio five months to finally open up to the counselors. Ryder would fly out often to visit and it wasn't until an intense therapy session with family members that Riberio recognized the program could help her.
"There was a lot of crying and forgiving. I decided I wanted my life back and be the person that I can be," she said. "Everyone is going to remember not a girl who hung out with cyber bullies, but a girl who got cyber bullied and got her life back."
Riberio looks forward to returning to a local school in the fall and is no longer afraid of being a target. A discharge agreement stipulates that she can have a Facebook account but her mother holds the password and monitors her use. She is also encouraged to talk about her experience, but pursue her personal interests.
If she's targeted again, Riberio says she now has the ability to look her attacker in the eye and tell him or her that she's not afraid. She also has a strong support network of friends, family and community members.
Riberio has spoken about her experience over the past two years with her fellow counselors in training at the YMCA's Mountain Mist camp on High Hill Road and has made herself available for public speaking to parents and student groups.
She plans to attend college and pursue a degree in social work to become a caseworker with the state Department of Children and Families.
Ryder agrees that the new laws could help cut down on the threats and abuse over the Internet but recognizes that parents are the first line of defense. She said she's met parents who agreed with her, and others who failed to see the seriousness of the problem.
"We parents have to be on top of it," Ryder said.
Parents need to watch their child's behavior and temperament while on the phone and on the computer. Ryder said some girls even showed up at her door once.
"She would fly into her room and I knew what was up," Ryder said.
Riberio and her mother said the experience has made them closer.
"Now I can tell my mom anything," she said."My mom isn't just my mom, she's my hero. She saved my life."
Ryder's on Main, owned by Lynn Ryder and her husband, will host its 4th Annual Pig Roast on Sept. 10 to raise awareness and money to stop cyber bullying and prevent teen suicide.
The bar and restaurant will donate the proceeds to a scholarship in their daughter's name to send a deserving child to a treatment facility for one month. It also plans to give some funds to the Meriden Board of Education for programs that raise awareness of cyber bullying.
Record-Journal reporter Dan Ivers contributed to this report.
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