Parents testimonials from the soon to close Aspen Ranch

[Oscar]

Now where Aspen Ranch finally closes, I feel that it is time to tell the parents version of the outcome they got from the investment they decided to do in so-called treatment:

First here is a piece from a blog called: Lost in the Desert ...But It's A Dry Heat

Day after Day of the Dead
The home visit by my daughter from Aspen Ranch ended last Saturday. Now I can write about it. It sucked for me and her. We're in our new cozy home in the historic district and she hates it. Not she loved living in the country, quite the contrary. But she doesn't feel this is her home and why should she??? I'm still trying to create it as our new home...Difficult and trying and tears all round. Venting anger and rage. I am emotionally exhausted from all this shit.

She didn't blow out by doing drugs, engaging in sex, running away, but totally checked out in engagment with family. All she wanted to do is talk on the phone with friends.

She returned to the ranch and immediately said she wants to move out with friends upon completion of the program. Friends in California and Texas. Said she would go to school and talk to us regularily. Yeah, right... She'd drop out in a New York minute. She would be on the street and back on drugs just like her birth mother.

I don't know if I can save her from this...She doesn't see the future. She only wants freedom from us and our rules. All this money spent and no results that I see.

What I have to do is seperate myself from all this. My child is dead to me. I have mourned her all summer and now it is time to stop the crying. All the tears in the world will not bring her back. All I have is this surly young woman who no longer wants to be with us. Who looks at us with anger and resentment and despair.

Then there is another post from a blog called: Aspen Parents Blog

update on LAURA
It's been good to hear from some of you by e-mail, and thanks for keeping me updated on your children's progress. Yes, PROGRESSS - for ALL, because let's face it - no matter what the direction, one thing we can all be sure of: TIME is passing, and we are all making progress in our lives - whether that means our children moving towards better decision-making OR us moving towards a full acceptance of the fact that their decisions are theirs to make!

As for me, I haven't been writing for 2 main reasons: 1) Depression 2) it's been hard to summarize what has been an ongoing nightmare that seems to have no end. Well, I've been coming out of the depression and I AM moving forward, so now I'll at least try to summarize:

As many of you know, Laura was "clean and sober" for 2 weeks after coming home from Aspen. On the 14th day, she relapsed, with cocaine and stayed out all night, 2 nights in a row. Along with the coke was alcohol and sex and who knows what else. After that, she was in the hospital for about 10 days (adolescent psych unit) - which was a total waste of time (they did absolutely nothing for her other than look for long-term rehabs that might take her - and did not have any success finding that). On Aug. 10th she was discharged, and we took her to a recommended rehab program for an interview. The Director of the program told her that given her history of non-compliance and running away from rehabs, he would not take her unless she signed herself in voluntarily when she turned 18 (which was Aug. 23). He said, "unless you can convince me otherwise, it seems to me that you would only be here because your parents are signing you in." Laura did not try to convince him otherwise (because it was true.... and in fact, she had already told us that on the day she turned 18 she would be walking out of that or any other rehab we'd send her to). Soo... she came home.... for about 2 hours..... by then it was 6:00 p.m. and she was pacing and she came to us and said, "if I leave now are you going to call the police?" And we said "no - there's no point". She kissed us goodbye and simply left. Said that she loves us but that this was just something she had to do... said she had to be on her own; said she wasn't ready to give up the drugs and the whole "lifestyle". That was Aug. 10th. A few days later she e-mailed me to say she was "alright" and was living in New Jersey with some "nice people" and that she'd be starting a job the next day where she'd be making "thousands of dollars a week", that she is taking care of herself and not to worry.

Since then, we are in (infrequent) touch through e-mail and sometimes a phone call. She is working for an "escort service" and now has her own apartment, which she shares with a "boyfriend" who is 26 and works in a tattoo parlor. She admittedly uses cocaine and alcohol on a regular basis - and the one time we went out to see her, the cocaine use was obvious from her constant sniffing and sounding like her nasal passages were just being burnt out.
HEARTBROKEN doesn't even begin to describe how we feel when we look at our beautiful daughter who is just throwing her life away because she doesn't want to take the time to deal with life (which is hard for her), but would rather self-medicate and tune out and live in a fantasy world. She came home for about a half-hour 2 weeks ago, just to get most of her clothes. That was a very hard day. When she does write or call, it is very brief and very superficial, and always "I'm doing great".

Her wonderful boyfriend, Dave, has of course said his final good-bye (he even went to see her, just to "see for himself" what she has become). She has burned many bridges behind her, in terms of other friends and her high school education, and her reputation in our neighborhood. However, she does know that there will ALWAYS be a bridge back to us, (her mom and dad) - and that we will always and forever be here to help her IF AND WHEN SHE WANTS IT.
Meanwhile, I am going to Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings and continuing seeing my own therapist, and working very hard to go on with my own life, even as my only child destroys hers. I just keep trying to focus on the present, and not the past (because that only leads to regrets and what ifs and so on), and not the future (because that only leads to unbearable worry and fear and more what ifs). So I try to live today and look around and appreciate what I DO have in my life; I am also starting to work part-time (you remember I am a Speech-Language Pathologist, who had recently retired).. and am going for advanced training to specialize in "stuttering therapy". Some days are better than others, but I am not giving up. Sometimes I cry a lot and my heart literally aches when I think about and miss Laura.
But I just keep reminding myself that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over the bad choices she makes every day. Now, more than ever, she is her own person and she will have to find her own way. I can only hope and pray that somewhere deep inside she DOES still have the seeds we planted throughout her life and that one day she will allow them to take hold and sprout. She always used to say that she had heard that in order to really get better, you have to hit "rock bottom". Well, we certainly thought she had hit her rock bottom before Aspen. But, apparently she didn't. We can only hope and pray that her "rock bottom" won't end up being one that is too low to come up from (like drug overdose or rape/murder).

This wasn't a brief summary after all - now you see why I don't write often.

Jeni - believe me I FEEL for you and know what you are going through. I hope that Andrew stays in school, and that by the time he is 18 he will have some maturity on his side. Keep me posted.
Susan and Ron - it sounds like Brian is on the right road now and let's hope he stays there, as the trust continues to build.
Kaye - I know what you mean about watching the "train wreck". That is the EXACT phrase that Ray and I used to use - before Aspen. We had hoped that Aspen would prevent the wreck, but it wasn't to be I guess. I pray that Lindsay gains more maturity - before she turns 18 and starts to get back in touch with those wonderful and confident feelings she experienced at Aspen!
Chuck and Gayle - how is Sam? I hope he's doing well at school? Do you know if he has heard from laura again?
I haven't gotten any e-mails or seen any posts from Pamela, about Whitney... what's going on there?

Well..... I'm now officially exhausted - this took a lot of emotional energy. I hope that we all continue to stay in touch. Be well, stay strong, and remember that you are all wonderful parents.

With fond memories,
JOAN HANRAHAN

After all expected results taking into consideration that the treatment was for a problem only the parents believed they had.

[Edward Kahn]

Hello, Oscar!  I'd like to add some balance to this discussion.  Your commentary is one-sided.  Here is the testimony of a young girl called "Whooter" who was a very successful graduate of Aspen Ranch and who is a regular poster here:

I just recently left Aspen Ranch (during the July parent week), graduating as a Rider. I was there for over 16 months! The substance abuse counselor was my primary therapist! I had a lot of problems going there, personal as well as a fucked up family. I've now ben home for 3 months and am doing great. I haven't relapsed or really even considered it.

Aspen was a great place! We didn't get pizza from the local place once a week, but we did get it on parent week and for special occasions. The food wasn't great but it was certainly bearable (and I'm picky!). The staff was AWESOME (most anyways), they were very caring and devoted. There have been MANY changes in staff and rules in the past 6 months there as well, so check it out! Sure I had my rough times, everyone does! I would defenitely recommend it if you're kids having a rough time, but be sure to check it out before to see if you think your kid would be a good fit.

And to whoever posted about seeing kids doing pull-ups with a man with a radio....he was the personal trainer! I was in Personal Training for over a year there and it helped a lot! I've never heard a complaint about PT, kids can sign up for an extra fee through a past navy seal who really pushes you hard! And there's a LONG waiting list.

Thanks, and please no one tell me I'm lying....when I left I was 2nd in seniority out of everyone there at the time! And to those parents who have kids there now...I wouldn't doubt if I knew them!

[Oscar]

Maybe now where another NGO has created a balanced blog with student statement called Tales from the Black School, we might should collect a blog consisting of parents testimonies.

But I just don't know how to get the time. We at Spft use all our time on the Wiki and the people over in Sweden is not that many.

[NIGEL]

I feel for these parents (I am one of them).  Our kids go to Aspen Ranch in terrible shape and we all hope for the best.  I sent my son there with hopes that he would have some time to figure out that the path he was on was one of self distruction and to figure out a new direction.  We all hope that we will see miracles.  Since we took him out just over a year ago, he has had his ups and downs.  He is in a better emotional and psycholigical state, but I think that is mostly due to him maturing rather than anything he learned at Aspen Ranch (this is obviously not a scientific study, just my gut feeling).  He isn't doing too well in school, but he does have plans on moving out and going to community college (my wife and I are helping him out financially).  When things are going good, he is a pleasure to have around and we have great discussions and debates.  We go to concerts and discuss music (we are heading out next Sunday to see System of a Down and Gogol Bordello).  We went to Hawaii for a week and things couldn't have been better.  When things are going bad, I am a terrible person who has ruined his life and he will never forgive me.  I love my son and will do whatever I can to help him.

[Edward Kahn]

Hello, NIGEL!  You are Whooter's father, correct?  I have read her testimony and she seems to be doing wonderfully.  She also makes a great plug for Aspen.  Good job, dad!

[Ursus]

I feel for these parents (I am one of them).  Our kids go to Aspen Ranch in terrible shape and we all hope for the best.  I sent my son there with hopes that he would have some time to figure out that the path he was on was one of self distruction and to figure out a new direction.  We all hope that we will see miracles.  Since we took him out just over a year ago, he has had his ups and downs.  He is in a better emotional and psycholigical state, but I think that is mostly due to him maturing rather than anything he learned at Aspen Ranch (this is obviously not a scientific study, just my gut feeling).  He isn't doing too well in school, but he does have plans on moving out and going to community college (my wife and I are helping him out financially).  When things are going good, he is a pleasure to have around and we have great discussions and debates.  We go to concerts and discuss music (we are heading out next Sunday to see System of a Down and Gogol Bordello).  We went to Hawaii for a week and things couldn't have been better.  When things are going bad, I am a terrible person who has ruined his life and he will never forgive me.  I love my son and will do whatever I can to help him.

Nigel, at this juncture (which is still quite early in the game), do you think that sending your son to Aspen Ranch was worth it?

[NIGEL]

Nigel, at this juncture (which is still quite early in the game), do you think that sending your son to Aspen Ranch was worth it?

Good question, but I don't have a great answer.  In hindsight, I wouldn't send him there again.  The question that I can't answer is "what would have happened if I hadn't sent him?"  No one knows the answer to that question.  If faced with the same situation today (knowing what I know), I would probably search for more help and try to keep him at home.

[Ursus]

Nigel, at this juncture (which is still quite early in the game), do you think that sending your son to Aspen Ranch was worth it?

Good question, but I don't have a great answer.  In hindsight, I wouldn't send him there again.  The question that I can't answer is "what would have happened if I hadn't sent him?"  No one knows the answer to that question.  If faced with the same situation today (knowing what I know), I would probably search for more help and try to keep him at home.

What part of "knowing what you now know," to paraphrase you, do you think is most relevant to your family's situation?

Do you remember which elements of Aspen's marketing (overt as well as covert or implicit) proved to be most persuasive for you in deciding to send your son to Aspen Ranch?

[NIGEL]

What part of "knowing what you now know," to paraphrase you, do you think is most relevant to your family's situation?

Do you remember which elements of Aspen's marketing (overt as well as covert or implicit) proved to be most persuasive for you in deciding to send your son to Aspen Ranch?

The main reason I wouldn't send my son to Aspen Ranch again is because of the "prison like" atmosphere.  I was hoping it was going to be more therapeutic and encouraging.  I was hoping that my son would find counselors to talk to that would be good role models for him.  We were happy with his primary therapist and also one of the nighttime counselors, but not so happy with many of the others that seemed to not be positive leaders.  We were very happy with the equine therapy counselor and my son now has a love for horses.  While there were positive elements, Aspen Ranch is a pretty depressing place overall.  

As far as the marketing goes, they do have a solid webpage.  We were in desperate shape when we sent our son there and didn't do all the research we should have done before sending him there, so I place all the blame on myself rather than Aspen's marketing team.  That being said, while I am not a fan of Aspen Ranch, I don't know where we would be today if we had not sent my son away (no-one knows for sure).  While we are all in a better place in our lives right now, we still have a long way to go.