Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Hyde Schools

PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???

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RTP2003:
I survived incarceration and torture in Straight, Inc. in the 1980s.  I have met survivors of Hyde both through this website and in my personal life.

molly:
I'm so sorry that you suffered such cruelty.

heretik:
Molly,
I trust that through your intellect and heart you will find the answer for your son. This is a communal family problem one that can only be resolved by the family participating. I am so relieved that you are allowing the survivors here to educate you. We have I feel some of the brightest most caring people here I have ever met. Not only did they endure the hardships of decisions made for them by their parents but they learned from their experiences and are willing to help others. Such as you.
Fornits has helped me immensely in the short time I have been here, please stay in touch and continue to educate yourself. Include your husband and son when there ready. This is a family problem and there is a solution, I know you'll find it.

Paul St. John:
Molly,
     I've always found it hard to give responses to questions like this.  There are just so many details and specifics that are unknown to me... even the essence of a situation, with all it's subtle nuances, which make up the complete tapestry of this living, existent situation of your's.  I don t know of any boarding school that I could recommend.  I know of few, and the ones I do, I've only heard mostly bad things about.... and also just from my point of view, in my own mind, it is hard to see how a boarding school, of all things, is going to help your son with his condition.

Here is my perspective.  I'm not answering as an expert, or even someone who went to a program.  I'm just gonna tell ya what I would do, 'cause why the hell not? I wouldn't be looking for a safety net.  I wouldn t be preparing for a failure that has not yet occurred, but rather, focusing all my attention, on my boy staying in his school, as you said, you do not want to send him away.
I wouldn t think twice about it.  I wouldn t waste my time thinking about it.  If, in the end, I could not keep him in his school, it would not be for lack of my trying, or due to my preparing my mind for an ensuing failure.  And if it did go down that way, I would deal with it then.  Life is fluid.  You gotta go with what you have now, and make the best of it.

My perspective is that, if you are already saying ' hopefully his school will keep him, but if not we got such and such place already planned out', it's like you already have him all locked up in your mind... like a problem needing a solution, not a person. ' ( I am not trying to criticize but only offering an outside perspective.)
Let's say he improves, and starts doing amazingly... Do you have a safety net for that?  ( see where I'm going with this?)

For me, I would just decide how I want this to go, and then asking questions based on that....
Is it possible to do this?  Has anyone done this?  What can help?   Basically- How can I do this?-

It starts with a solid resolution to keep your son with you, and help him develop to be his best. I would tell myself that this is important to me, and I am going to get it done.  I would seek out my own resources.  i would listen to the ones, that were useful to me, and build on those.

As far as the doc only believing in using drugs, as a last resort, personally, I am in full alignment with that. I do a very small, but important bit of knowledge on neuroscience, and of the belief, that yes brain chemistry absolutely effects behavior, BUT almost every time, our brain chemistry is at the effect of our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.  You say that the test confirmed he had ADHD.. In my viewpoint, of course, it did.  It only told you what you already know.. If it didn t, then that would just mean that he is an actor. It's like watching the weather on TV to confirm you really see rain outside your window..
But most people do not think of it that way.  Tests are all official and important, and this one has confirmed that your child has a condition.... But you have to be very careful here... There is always the pull to blow the condition out of proportion, and this is bad... We like confirmation of a condition, because if it is an actual thing with an actual name, then we can cure it .. and we can say " Hey .. he has a condition.  Give him a break.. It's not his fault, and it's not ours... he has a condition dammit!"

But in this particular situation, there are problems with this-  One being that a psychological condition is not the same thing as a medical condition, because we are as far in this area of study, as we were eons ago, in medicine.  All they have is theories, hopes, and along list of failures.. most of them anyway.

The other is this, and this is very , very important in my mind- If you get focused on the condition, you lose sight of the person, and if you lose sight of the person, you lose ALL hope of helping him. That's a fact.  Our brain chemistry effects our behavior, but the only health way to change the brain chemistry almost every time, is through the person.. Through the person!

A Spartans had different brain chemistry then you and I . Different beliefs.. different ideas.   I have different brain chemistry when I am relaxing then when I am working my ass off.

Let's say a person has a belief that keeps them trapped in a state if fear or anxiety, perhaps, it so deep, that they are not even aware of it.. That could account for it.. Traumatic loss or phobias never dealt with could account for it.

The way I see it, ( and granted this is just the way I see it), you have 2 choices:

You can be the average human being, accept that your child, is very intelligent but also diseased.  let society cater to the disease.  he will probably never get better, but you can always blame the disease, and the condition.  people will understand.  they have to or they will be considered inconsiderate.  many people will offer their hope and counsle.. priests family, neighbors , etc.  all in a big drama to get nowhere... and many people will take over many things for you and relieve some of the burden, as for every disease there is at least one expert, taht just loves to have a diagnosis of which they know all...

or you can take a heroic approach.. Forget the disease, and focus on the boy.. Focus on the boy.. Focus on the boy.. get it done .. make it happen.  It will be messy, unclean, with no illusions of certainty.. Lots of times you will make progress, only to lose it later.. You will not be able to view him as a victim anymore, and it will take discpline on your part to move forward.  most people will disagree with what you are doing, and almost no one will support you, and in the end, hopefully, you get the job done.

As I see it, there is no cure.  There is only you.  there is you, and your boy, and your hope and intentions for him, because in the end, there is no one in this world, who will care about him as you do.  Me, I just don t think I d give up.   but again, I don t no any of the particulars..

Be well.. Take care..

Paul St. John

PS I hope this ain t Whooter..

Ursus:
Although it appears that Molly has taken her search for solutions elsewhere, I thought I'd share a tale, in the event that any future parent in such a quandary should come across this thread, which I think epitomizes the kind of focused humiliation and group-fueled ostracization that Hyde is capable of when it wants to "break" certain individuals.

I'm sure that Hyde hasn't employed the dog collar and the digging of one's own grave for many years, but the mindset on which these protocols were based lives on in full fury and is practiced to this day via less obvious (but no less damaging) similar such activities.


Originally posted on 29 Jan 2007:

--- Quote from: "Old Hyde Student 1973" ---I have been lurking on this site for some time now trying to get a feeling for what has been occurring at The Hyde School since I attended from the summer of 1971 through graduation 1973 (High School Diploma, not Hyde School Diploma). I have been struggling with my feelings about the school. I have been trying to conjure up my past, taking into account that all of my experiences there were not negative. I have come to the conclusion that the years have changed but the place is still as poisonous as ever.

It was my decision to attend The Hyde School mostly to get away from a smothering situation at home. I was your typical academic underachiever, labeled by the public school as having above average intelligence but extremely immature and lazy. I was getting into more and more trouble at the public school for minor infractions, such as smoking cigarettes and not handing in homework. Up until that time I had not done any illegal drugs and had only a few experiences with alcohol. I wanted a fresh start away from the labels I had been given at the public school. I did have many non-academic interests including piloting small aircraft, playing guitar formal lessons, camping, hiking, and fishing. Not much into organized sports and not a joiner.

My experience with The Hyde School started in the summer of 1971, I had a really great time during that summer doing what I liked to do hiking, camping, rowing dory's etc.. During that summer there were your typical Hyde "Busts & Purges", runaways and challenges to ones abilities, trying to expand beyond ones comfort zone. In short, learning the "Hyde Way", not a bad thing. I decided to return for the regular session fall of 1972.

My first year at the school I don't recall to much conflict between myself and the "Hyde Way", I don't think I was flying under the radar, some may disagree, I was just trying to achieve what I needed to do and then move on with my life. Trying to learn what I thought were some good fundamental ways to live life. Of course "Seminar" was something that I and no one looked forward to but I was never abruptly confronted or asked to reveal anything I didn't feel comfortable with. I viewed Joe Gauld as someone who had my best interests at heart and someone I could confide in. As we all learned "Joe" did have his own way of dealing with student issues but I felt at the time that if you have two hundred children with different levels of problems and parents who never dealt with the problems then his sometimes abrupt ways were understandable.

I returned for my senior year in the fall 1973, more responsibility, and more expectations. This is the year I witnessed things and experienced things that made me question the methods of the Hyde School and I believe negatively impacted on my life. I had witnessed questionable forms of punishment my first year but at that time I dismissed it as a process that I did not fully yet understand and felt it  was probably necessary for the ultimate benefit of the recipient.

As I gained more experience with the "Hyde Method" I began to see these forms of punishment as sadistic and having no merit in the development of a student. I personally witnessed and participated in the approved shaving of student's heads. Students being forced to wear dog collars and lead around campus on a leash. The "Cool Hand Luke" method to get a students "Mind Right" of repeatedly digging and filling in of ones own grave until exhaustion and submission was ultimately achieved. Endless work crews, sleep depravation until students broke down in gasping tears. I saw little improvement by the students that these punishments were inflicted upon, in fact most ended up leaving the school and if there was an improvement it wasn't a real "break through" in the students development it was only a pavlovian response so as not to repeat the horror.

The abuse was not limited to the student body. There were two incidents involving teachers that to this day I can't believe were not only allowed but encouraged. One involved a teacher by the name of Larry Prey who was a real nice guy, very supportive of me but kind of quirky which left him wide open for criticism. He was forced to stand in front of the entire student body and reveal his very private and personal marital transgressions with another women enduring the judgments and ridicule of two hundred savage teenagers. Another involved the crucifixion of a teacher by the name of Mr. French whose only transgression was that he didn't fit the definition of what we felt was the hip young teacher. He was forced to stand in front of the student body and receive his brutal punishment of unfettered ridicule. To this day I sometimes lay awake at night and shudder at the thought of those teachers faces as these incidents took place.

The incident that scarred me,  still haunts me today and that I kept buried for many years involved a younger student and friend. This student who trusted me, was accused of stealing money and would not admit to his supposed guilt. I was given total control of this student to break him and ultimately obtain a confession of guilt. I was seventeen years old, immature for my years with no experience in dealing with this kind of issue. I was given no counseling as to how to proceed, no methodologies,  no boundaries of conduct were given. He was forbidden to attend any classes, sports activities or have any contact with other students. He was not to leave my sight. My only instructions were to break him. His head was shaven and a dog collar and leash applied. I must apologize I was given two methodologies one was  to force him to sleep next to me on a hard cold wooden floor with no bedding of any kind clothed only his underwear. The other was if he protested he was to receive a cold shower. I can't remember all of the sanctioned brutality that was inflicted upon this student but it was intensive and complete. I remember once when he was given a cold shower that the water was so frigid that his lips turned blue I became afraid and told him he could get out and warm up. My mind was in total conflict I couldn't continue this anymore, but I also believed that he needed to confess in order to be "Saved". I finally told Joe Gauld that this was of no use he was not going to confess and that I could not continue with this. The student left the school and went home. For many years after leaving the Hyde school myself, I would wake up at night in a cold sweat, having dreamed about what I did and the harm I must have caused to this then child.

As the end of my senior year approach we had what I remember as some sort of review of our progress to determine if graduation with a "Hyde Degree" was to be obtained that year. I was told that I had not made significant progress because the "Big" senior history paper I had written and required by Ed Legg for graduation was of poor quality and not up to college standards. Interestingly enough I don't remember any classes being given that addressed the proper way to write a term paper. I was also told that I had not confronted enough of my personal issues to graduate with a "Hyde Degree" and that they recommended that I return for another year. Well I told them that I didn't agree and would not be returning for another year at a school that I felt had deteriorated into some sort of gulag. I also remember having the distinct feeling that they liked my father's money a little too much. So off I went into the world with an expensive standard High School Degree and some knowledge of how to live my life based on the Hyde School Principals.

Well my life became a nightmare, insomnia, constant bad dreams of my experiences at the school, inability to cope in social situations, lack of focus, deep feelings of guilt. I succumbed to alcohol and drug abuse, I self medicated to hide these feelings and ultimately flunked out of college after only one semester. My life became a misery for an entire decade, I cannot blame all of it on The Hyde School, some of it was my own immaturity but I later learned that the blinding binges of drugs and alcohol were deffiently related to what I had witnessed and participated in at the school.

My life did turn out to be good and worth living I straightened out my substance abuse problems not needing any Rehabilitation Center, I just decided enough was enough and stopped. I met the girl of my dreams have been married for over twenty years, have a wonderful son, a good job and am looking forward to the rest of my life. Funny thing is I don't attribute much of the good part of my life to The Hyde School, I probably just needed to forgive myself, come to terms with who I am, deal with my short comings, grow up and get on with it, which was my intension from the very beginning of this long strange trip called life.
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