Molly,
If your kid gets sent to Hyde, he will not be able to advocate for himself. You will not get him out once he is there. He will drink the Kool aid as a matter of emotional survival, believing he is worse than he is. The program is particularly gifted at manipulating kids and parents into feeling the kid will be deadinsaneorinjail to keep the resident. I've seen this happen personally many, many times including with me. The level of pressure is so great you admit things far worse than you ever did in order to level up and escape the constant harassment and barrage. The parents begin to view the school as the authority, and abdicate their own including their own intuition. The school will also give you a very false sense of treatment modality. They may tell you he is getting individual therapy, but its really one-size-fits-all BS. When parents waffle, the program is excellent at reeling them back in using fear based techniques. You will begin to see your kid not as who he really is, but who the program says he is. Your kid will, too, and when he graduates, he will say that right things and be scared straight for a period, but inside feel a profound sense of dislocation and later fall apart. there are no longitudinal studies fro a reason. Testimonies are from recent grads and I've known a lot of former "recent grads" who drank the kool aid and sold the school and wanted to vomit once the kool aid wears off.
When you visit the school, you will get the PR tour.
Therapists often make recommendations based on brochures and websites and marketing (and kickbacks for some)... but they don't know. You have no idea how effective these programs are at marketing their PR tour. I can't tell you how many former kids at my old program and other programs wanted to yell "RUN!" to prospective visitors but a special kind of hell, ostracization, and group attacks would occur if any of us ever contradicted the program. Heck, we even had to lie to ourselves to get by. We learned we even had to do the whole "this program saved my life" with our parents, too.
Find a better therapist who is committed to helping our your family - not warehousing your kid. Learn new skills at communicating. My kid is a precocious, sensitive, oppositional kid and when I change my approach and stick to it, I see the benefits. Take the initiative and research options for YOU to change your style. Don't make it fear or worry based. One of the things that helped me as a mother is to realize I can't control everything, just me, and to try new approaches and do what I can, but not to live in fear or worry. We talk a lot about choices in my family and that I will guide them, but ultimately, they make choices; their choices net good, bad or neutral outcomes.
Clearly, what you are doing doesn't work, but instead of outsourcing your kid, change your approaches.
If there is any part of you that is resistant to programs, do not bend to your spouse. This is too important.
I will say that one of the things that helped me attending a private school (NOT A "THERAPEUTIC" school) that was college prep but alternative with university professors. The atmosphere was more conducive to pursuing real inquiry and open discussion over conformist, industrial education. Maybe your kid has a creative or athletic bent. There may be schools that play to his strengths and interests.
Good luck.