General Interest > Thought Reform

the DISSOCIATION issue

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dragonfly:

Awake:
I recognize a lot of what is said in the last few posts. The anxiety related to confrontation, the acts of self preservation taken in the face of those threats that are self destructive or destructive to others, the social distortion from ‘working’ or ‘gaming’ the program in a way that insinuates you are ‘fake’ or ‘out of touch with yourself’ and challenge you to continually express a more ‘genuine’ belief in the program philosophy, which becomes the interpersonal game.


I remember that much of the time people were more willing to attack themselves than defend themselves against others if you were anticipating being ‘blown away’ in raps.  Alot of direct attacks took place under the presupposition that someone’s behaviors, attitudes, and emotions made it an ‘unsafe’ environment for the rest of the group to ‘open up’ and ‘work’ on themselves. If their was nothing to confront each other about, we would have to talk about our issues, I don’t know, I still can’t tell how much of any of that was really genuine or if the game of acting ‘genuine’ just got so out of control no one could guage interpersonal reality anymore.


I seem to remember it all beginning with arriving in the clutches of other students who were enforcing the (mostly trivial) rules with that attitude of ‘just do it, this is how you get by here, trust me just play along and you’ll be better off.’ And so I did, and I learned how to stay ‘under the radar’ by learning to ‘genuinely’ be in line with the program. Next thing I knew it was me guiding the new student through in the same way ‘trust me just play along, I’ll help you get by’.  Somewhere around here I think I lost my bearings on reality and started gaming myself, and distrusting my instincts.



…I had already heard several relatable stories before this thread, I just haven’t heard it equated with dissociation. One aspect of this that I don’t want to ignore is that evidence suggests many programs intended to create a dissociative effect.  Eruptions of ptsd symptoms are commonly associated with stimuli that were present during the dissociated event called triggers. Confrontation can be one of those triggers. Though I know little else about Gatekeeper other than he attended Cedu, I am sure the mere mention of a particular song or two (correct me if I am wrong) will have him recalling some very particular, maybe very private memories of the cedu experience.  It could possibly even re- cathect a personality that was adopted as a defensive response to the situation. And is it possible that that was the point? (What’s your little kid’s name Gatekeeper? Don’t answer that.) During the propheets they would play the same songs over and over for hours.  These songs were pretty much the only music we were allowed to hear the whole time at cedu. And it is pretty much impossible to hear any of that music without recollecting that place. I think it is quite purposely to install reactive triggers that work just like ptsd.  




…. One last thing I would note about Cedu ‘brainwashing’ so to speak, is that it began by infecting you with the notion that you had already been brainwashed. You were a fake or a ‘lie’ and you didn’t even know it, and if you didn’t believe it you would at least act like it. You were literally considered to be ‘in your shit’ if you imbibed any of your previous interests and attitudes.  There was another thread on fornits something like ‘why you can’t fake it’. That is true, you couldn’t fake it.

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