Boarding school is a form of child abuse (Independent)

[Oscar]

I found this piece about normal boarding schools.

Boarding school is a form of child abuse, says psychotherapist, by Sophie Goodchild and Sarah Rowsell, The Independent, June 10, 2001

I also found this article on The Daily Mail: Does being packed off to boarding school scar children for life?, by Amanda Lynch, February 10, 2010

If even normal boarding schools can inflict that amount of problems, then what about programs?

[reformed12stepper]

I read that and have to say it might be a bit squewed. Of course being at boarding school from the age of 5 is probably a bad idea. I also did not do well as a boarder in highschool but then i hated my time as a day boy at the same school. My older brothers both did OK there and one was the captain of his house. But it was more a case of the school itself being the wrong fit for me. Ive met people for which their local public was also hell. Some kids just don't do highschool. I think i was that guy.

But there is a difference between not liking the culture at a school or even going through the relative trauma of being bullied a lot at school and the kind of environment that i hear people describe here where there are super strict levels and phone call are rationed and maybe monitored and there are no summer and christmas vacations. This seems more to me like jail than school. Boarding school for all its flaws is not jail.You can go home. You can complain. You do have rights and you dont have to participate in group therapy that is humiliating. So i think comparing this to normal boarding school can minimize the problems this kind of school causes.

[Whooter]

We can probably agree that if the majority of kids who attended a TBS or RTC would not do well in a typical boarding school.  Most of the kids that attend Boarding schools are self motivated and do not need a lot of structure to get thru the day and their studies.  Many of the kids who are sent to TBS's and RTC's would run off, not apply themselves or their parents would have opted for this route of regular boarding school  (it would have been cheaper too).  TBS's and RTC's are more structured and therefore would appear more harsh especially to those who resisted and didnt apply themselves or take advantage of their time there.

From reading here on fornits the majority of those who post here did not do well in the program they were in for one reason or another.. they never applied themselves, they were abused by a counselor or just were not a good fit for the program they were in.

Based on this I dont think we can conclude that boarding schools in general are abusive.



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[reformed12stepper]

I find this view point a little bit bizarre. I bump into guys that i went to school with frequently. Some are former bullies who admit that they were dicks, others are the guys like me who were sadly at the bottom of the heap. Regardless of how they feel about school, i have never heard any say that i didnt like it because of some personal deficiency. Rather it is just accepted that my experience was what it was for whatever reason. Yet it seems anyone who criticises one of these therapeutic schools is seen as being deficient in some way. Even if the argument that it was due to a personal deficiency worked, surely if you are paying about 40k? to force your kid to get better the fact that they dont either because they are doing something wrong or the school is should ring alarm bells. Afterall you have mentioned before that few kids go willingly. So that means that the therapy is being forced on them. So it is less about not doing the work and more about not submitting to something being forced upon them. This is not so very different to telling somebody that is being raped that if they dont fight back you wont need to get violent. Nobody can be forced to work on themself. Not even a kid. They need to want to do it. This is why any drug rehab 12 step based or not only has a chance if the person receiving the treatment has made the decision to participate.

[Whooter]

I find this view point a little bit bizarre. I bump into guys that i went to school with frequently. Some are former bullies who admit that they were dicks, others are the guys like me who were sadly at the bottom of the heap. Regardless of how they feel about school, i have never heard any say that i didnt like it because of some personal deficiency. Rather it is just accepted that my experience was what it was for whatever reason. Yet it seems anyone who criticises one of these therapeutic schools is seen as being deficient in some way. Even if the argument that it was due to a personal deficiency worked, surely if you are paying about 40k? to force your kid to get better the fact that they dont either because they are doing something wrong or the school is should ring alarm bells. Afterall you have mentioned before that few kids go willingly. So that means that the therapy is being forced on them. So it is less about not doing the work and more about not submitting to something being forced upon them. This is not so very different to telling somebody that is being raped that if they dont fight back you wont need to get violent. Nobody can be forced to work on themself. Not even a kid. They need to want to do it. This is why any drug rehab 12 step based or not only has a chance if the person receiving the treatment has made the decision to participate.

The fallacy in your argument is that:  " it will not work because it is forced".  How many kids approach their parents and say mom/dad I need therapy?  Very few of the kids who attend an RTC asked their parents to send them there.  Very few kids ask their parents to send them to high school either.

The thought is that the therapy will eventually be accepted which in most cases it does.  The kids resist but eventually connect with their therapist.  There are a few kids who dig in their heels and refuse to work on their issues or take advantage of the help offered.  These kids should not turn around and blame their parents or the program they attended.  Many feel frustrated after leaving because the other kids they were with (who applied themselves) have moved on with their lives while they are left behind.



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[Oscar]

I know that our school system might seem odd. From the very start when pupils start out in Form zero - age 5 to 7 they use one hour every week to discuss how they do at school. It is important what you like to go to work as adult. For children the school is their work. If they don't like to come it is certainly a problem. Today each class is functioning like a team and the team use this hour to discuss what could make it perform better.

So if a child is sad then the subject is what it is needed so the situation can be improved. Sometime (It happened at my sons class) a student needs boyguards so they can withstand bullying from outside. Sometime a child takes sorrows from home into the school and then the subject is how to deal with that. Everyone have lost relatives, pets. Some knows how a divorce feels. Some knows that combining religion and school life can be difficult. When we are talking kids aged 5-7 in most cases they are used to bath at the same time without noting any gender differences but for some they have to bath in private because their religion forbids them to se naked people even at that young age, so it is a question about being practical. The same goes for outings. Some cannot even sleep in the same hall as students with opposite genders despite they can clothes on because the shelters for outings in Denmark often is unheated. But problems exist to be fixed and they are fixed.

As I see it both in boarding schools and in day schools you need to focus on how the class is interacting. One hour per week to reflect about that is not too much. In fact I use an hour at work where we discuss what cases we did handle and how it went down. We inform about illnesses and possible trips to the hospital. We do have casulties all the time from traffic accidents and normal health care incidents due to the high age among the members of my team. We need to cover for each other so our customers can get what they expect even when times are tough. Otherwise we will not survive and succeed. It must be the same for every class in every school worldwide.

[Che Gookin]

I went to a boarding school in high school for two years and loved it. However, the anxiety of the holidays was pretty severe in the sense I never knew who was going to bother turning up and frequently wasn't sure until the very last minute how I was going to get home for my vacations. My situation was a bit unique as I was in the care of relatives and not my parents.

I can't see any good coming out of sending young kids to a boarding school though, they belong at home with their parents during their formative years.

[Oz girl]

I would agree kids under about 12 do belong at home but I know that for some australian kids who live really remotely it is boarding school or nothing when they reach highschool age. (This is rare but some farmers are that isolated) I think regular boarding school can be the right fit for some kids. I enjoyed my time but had loads of weekends home close to very second weekend. It is really a family decision. i agree with reformed that you cant accurately compare normal boarding school to this industry. Modern boarders usually are provided with a pretty good environment.

[Whooter]

Personally I don’t see any advantage to sending a child away to boarding school.  I don’t see an advantage to sending a child away to school period or daycare.  Even the local public/parochial school.  Kids need to be with their family and parents, as much as possible, until the time they are ready to move out on their own.  Kids don’t learn socialization from their friends, they learn it from their parents (or they should).  Kids don’t need to be around other kids their own age.  Its unnatural, life isn’t about hanging around people your own age.  Its about hanging out with people who care about you and love you.  We interact with people of all ages in life , not just those who were born within a year of each other.  So why subject our kids to spending everyday with other strange kids their own age?
I agree that boarding schools can offer a great education and teach kids to be independent and future leaders.  But it cannot teach kids to be happy and secure.  Nor can it teach them that they are loved.  Only family can teach and provide them with a safe environment.

If it were financially viable every kid should stay home and be homeschooled in my opinion and then move away when they are ready to fly whether that be 16 or 26.



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[Che Gookin]

Personally I don’t see any advantage to sending a child away to boarding school.  I don’t see an advantage to sending a child away to school period or daycare.  Even the local public/parochial school.  Kids need to be with their family and parents, as much as possible, until the time they are ready to move out on their own.  Kids don’t learn socialization from their friends, they learn it from their parents (or they should).  Kids don’t need to be around other kids their own age.  Its unnatural, life isn’t about hanging around people your own age.  Its about hanging out with people who care about you and love you.  We interact with people of all ages in life , not just those who were born within a year of each other.  So why subject our kids to spending everyday with other strange kids their own age?
I agree that boarding schools can offer a great education and teach kids to be independent and future leaders.  But it cannot teach kids to be happy and secure.  Nor can it teach them that they are loved.  Only family can teach and provide them with a safe environment.

If it were financially viable every kid should stay home and be homeschooled in my opinion and then move away when they are ready to fly whether that be 16 or 26.



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and end up with a nation of social retards? Oh wait, we have the republican party, already a problem.