Looking for school advice

[Anonymous]

You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it.

[Anonymous]

On 2003-10-02 20:20:00, Anonymous wrote:

"You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it.  "

Found it - http://www.arizonateenhelp.com/familycoaching.htm

[Anonymous]

On 2003-10-02 20:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

On 2003-10-02 20:20:00, Anonymous wrote:


"You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it.  "

Found it - http://www.arizonateenhelp.com/familycoaching.htm"

Family Coach?  Get real, this girl and her parents need professional therapy to help them with serious issues not some yahoo getting paid big bucks to teach them how to get in touch with their magical/inner child.  

 :scared:

[Deborah]

You wrote:

My thought was to tell her that her moother and I will no longer nag at her about her school work. If she fails, she attends summer school or gets held back. She's old enough to know what she needs to do and do it. We will provide what the law requires an nothing more. We will buy her clothes when absolutely necessary but they won't be coming from Abercrombie, Foot Locker, etc. Kmart will do. We will provide her with nutricious food but she is old enough to cook it herself. Her clothes will be clean only if she does her own laundry. The law does not require that she does chores nor does it require that we give her money for movies and the like. If she wants money, then she can do jobs around the house for minimum wage. If she wants a ride somewhere then she will pay us 35 cents per mile. We are not required to provide her with internet access but she can have it as long as she pays part of the bill. The list can go on and on. She will have the freedom she wants as long as it does not disrupt the household and as long as she does not break any laws.
********************************************

Those are all great suggestions and would probably have been beneficial for your daughter if you'd had them in place all along....without the obvious resentment and desire to punish that you're currently exhibiting. It's not her fault that you have allowed her a free ride, so to speak. She is a product of your parenting.

A parent should never do anything for a child that they are able to do themselves. My sons could cook when they were six and enjoyed doing it. Did their own laundry early- started with folding and progressed to the full task. They kept their room clean, or not. When it became uncomfortable for me, I did pull the parent trump and required it and gave a deadline for completion. As members of OUR household (and a larger cooperative society) they were required to contribute at whatever developmental level they were capable. Yardwork, cleaning vehicles, planting and harvesting the garden, sorting recycling. There are household tasks for every aged child. And when presented appropriately, they actually want to participate. Contrary to popular belief, they are not lazy and unmotivated. Helpless and hopeless might be more honest.
 
I got some flack, but overall they accepted it and for the most part enjoyed it. We frequently went to dinner and a movie after a big day of spring cleaning and all looked forward to it. It did help that I compiled a list of tasks that were required for a smooth running household. I put my name next to the tasks that they couldn't do and they chose between themselves which they would take, or alternate doing.

They are more than just "housemates". They are our children. But, we do them a grave disservice by not allowing (call it expecting if need be) them to take a full role.

Work is good. See if you can line up some jobs for her with neighbors and family. Don't strand her, help her brainstorm her talents and abilities. Teens need to feel they are contributing in a meaningful way. There aren't many opportunites to do that these days. We don't even have paper routes anymore. But, you could take one and have her get up with you at 3 and be done in time for school.

And about school. Chances are she's not going to turn things around and be granted a scholarship. Don't anx. It's 2203 on planet Earth. Anyone who wants to go to college can do so, no matter how bad their high school transcript looks. My son had to work for a couple of years to decide "for himself" that he wanted a college education. He worked at Taco Bell, Laid wood floors, worked the loading area at McCoys Lumber, and his last job which he really loved was on a survey crew. No external motivation is necessary because college is what HE chose and wants for himself. Was it easy. No. Always in the back of my mind I worried that he'd job hop the rest of his life. But, worst case scenerio, had he, well there ARE worse things. And it would be his choice, one that he could change at anytime.

I think many parents are just afraid to let their kids learn from their mistakes. And too many teens do not contribute in their homes or in society. I was talking to a mom of a 16 yr old girl. She doesn't know how to do ANYTHING. She doesn't even flush the toilet after herself !! That's not even "privledged" it's disabled!!!  How can a parent be angry at the child for this???

Help your daughter find some creative outlets for her high voltage teen energy. But, don't punish her for your mistakes. Admit them, apologize for short changing her, and begin the dialogue about what you BOTH want and need to create a harmonious household and a constructive future for her. This is not rocket science. It doesn't even require a professional. It requires a sincere effort on your part to want to help her master her environment. You have to get honest about where you've failed her and make a comittment to right that wrong, and without resentment. She doesn't deserve your anger. Vent your anger elsewhere.

I hope you don't give up. That is not what any teen/child needs to have modeled for them...ever.

[Anonymous]

Family Coach?  Get real, this girl and her parents need professional therapy to help them with serious issues not some yahoo getting paid big bucks to teach them how to get in touch with their magical/inner child.  



 :scared: "

Thank you for letting them know what they need :wink: .

[Deborah]

In other words, Webber will use Ontological coaching to sell the parent on a program?
What are the chances she could/would do anything but that? She recruits for WWASP.

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?mo ... 9&start=30
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?So ... 9&start=10

[Anonymous]

Kezzy---I'm sorry I was harsh pointing out your marriage issue, but it hit a nerve because my husband and I deal with the same thing.  I think we're dealing with it a bit better (now), but I know the problem you speak of intimately because I've lived it.

You and your wife are not communicating effectively with each other about your concerns for your daughter, what she thinks should be done to handle them, what you think should be done to handle them, where you disagree, and *why* each of you has the concerns you do about the other's chosen game plan.

The *only* way for you guys to keep your daughter from having one parent as an ally against the other parent is to become allies of each other.

To do that, you're gonna have to get *good* at getting your wife to open up and tell you her real concerns, listening to them, discussing your concerns with her, and *together* coming up with a game plan for dealing with a specific instance or kind of misbehavior from your daughter so that you are both committed to enforcing that game plan.

You've gotta be on the same team.  You aren't right now.  It's not a matter of who's right, it's a matter of coming up with some workable compromise between you and your wife that she will be on the team to help enforce and that addresses at least some of your concerns.

It is far better for your daughter to continue with *some* objectionable behavior and have *some* of it fixed than to go on the way you are now, where Mom is alienated from you because you two aren't talking to each other constructively enough and *none* of your daughter's bad behavior is improving.

Therapy can at least help you get better at communicating with your wife so you can understand her concerns better, communicate your own concerns to her in a way more likely to actually get her to open up and listen and hear them, and a good therapist may be able to help you think of workable compromises that will address at least some of your concerns that will *also* address your wife's concerns so you can get her to actually "buy in" to whatever strategy you're using to correct a particular kind of bad behavior.

If *one* member of a couple learns to communicate better, *both* members' communication improves.

Right now, and I speak from personal experience, that's the biggest thing you need to improve your life with your daughter, get you two as the parents back in charge of the household, and get your life more in line with something you can live with.

Right now, if you send your kid off to a behavioral mod. facility, you're going to end up destroying your marriage.  Because if your wife isn't on the same page with you with household discipline, she sure isn't going to be on the same page with a BM facility.  And her pattern is to go along to get along and then act out passive-aggressively.  You think you've seen passive aggressive getting-back-at behavior from your wife over your differences *now*?  You ain't seen *nothin'* like you're gonna see if you ship her kid off to a restrictive boarding school.  You do that and you'll be lucky not to find yourself in the middle of a divorce and custody battle.

And, it may be that part of the reason your daughter is acting out is that she senses the tension between you and your wife and her being the "problem child" distracts you from your marital issues and holds the family together.  Perverse, I know, but it happens.  It happens in a *lot* of families.

It may be that when you learn to communicate better from therapy (even if your wife doesn't go), and your relationship with your wife improves from less stress over discipline styles, your daughter's behavior spontaneously improves as she senses Mom and Dad being happier together.  It's been known to happen.

Either way, you are going to have to fix your communication with your wife whether you send your daughter to a school or not.  Fixing it *first* and then seeing if you still have a problem with your daughter is a lot cheaper than paying to fix it *and* paying boarding school tuition.

*Most* kids respond well to parents who present a united front with consistent limits and consistent discipline---no matter what those limits are and no matter what that discipline is.  I really *strongly* suggest you fix your communication with your wife and try consistent limits and consistent discipline---even if it means totally going with what your wife thinks the limits and discipline should be (but it probably won't---*probably* if you learn to communicate and move your position towards your wife's, *she'll* want to offer something back and will move hers at least somewhat towards yours---and it will be a *genuine* move).

Try being consistent---even if the only way you can get to "consistent" is to go with your wife's standards and strategies----because "consistent" is the one thing that is the *most* likely to improve your daughter's attitude and behavior.

But your wife has a habit of saying "yes, dear" and then doing what she was going to do anyway.  Without some therapy for you, you're not going to be able to break that pattern by getting her to tell you what she really thinks and getting her to  start offering constructive suggestions of what *she* thinks specific problem behaviors and appropriate rewards and punishments are.

You've got to get you and her on the same team, and you can't do it without help----but you *can* do it with the help of a good therapist for you, even if she doesn't go and your daughter doesn't go.

What my husband and I do when we disagree on our daughter's bad behavior and how to handle it is send her off doing something else, go in a room, close the door, and talk.  I explain what I'm seeing in our daughter's latest stunt, and what I think needs to be done about it.  He explains what's bothering him most about the stunt and what he thinks needs to be done.  We talk until we come up with something that deals with what's bugging him and what's bugging me without being something either of us just can't live with, and we do it---and our daughter has *both* parents coming down on the same side about her behavior and its consequences, and she shapes up.

Sometimes when we get to talking, he's seeing her behavior as worse than it is because there's something developmental he's missing from not being around her all day.  Sometimes, when we get to talking, he's seeing her wrap me around her finger and I didn't see it---because I'm around all day and he's got that perspective of a little distance.  Sometimes it's a little bit of both.

But we can *always* come up with something we can both live with enough to present a united front of both parents backing each other up to our kid.

But it wasn't always that way, and being able to do that didn't come easily.  It took work, and you guys have fourteen years of a bad pattern and blocked up communications going on here.  Get somebody to help you break that pattern and unblock them on your end, and a good therapist can probably work *through* you to unblock them on your wife's end.

Get on the same team.  Improvements in your daughter's behavior will follow.

[Anonymous]

Sir,  

Some excellant suggestions have been offered here.  Kids are reacting to their home environment most of the time.
If we could do it over I would have worked on our parenting skills, communications skills. I would have taken a pro active stance to improve our home,communication oppose to a reactive stance and shipped off the child.
The negative experiences the Program provided was not what we had expected. Paid a huge amount of $$$ for.

Teenagers when acting out have a tendancy to scare us parents with their personality changes.

Please do not over react. Strive for common ground. If one good therapist doesnt help,try another.
Do work together as parents. Not too harsh or too lienient. Best of luck. It does get better.

Most important...We can not control another's behavior only our own.When we change our behavior otherfamily member's behavior fall into place..Detach and stay out of the chaos being created to achive a reaction.

[Anonymous]

On 2003-10-03 07:30:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Sir,  



Some excellant suggestions have been offered here.  Kids are reacting to their home environment most of the time.

If we could do it over I would have worked on our parenting skills, communications skills. I would have taken a pro active stance to improve our home,communication oppose to a reactive stance and shipped off the child.

The negative experiences the Program provided was not what we had expected. Paid a huge amount of $$$ for.



Teenagers when acting out have a tendancy to scare us parents with their personality changes.



Please do not over react. Strive for common ground. If one good therapist doesnt help,try another.

Do work together as parents. Not too harsh or too lienient. Best of luck. It does get better.



Most important...We can not control another's behavior only our own.When we change our behavior otherfamily member's behavior fall into place..Detach and stay out of the chaos being created to achive a reaction."

[Deborah]

http://www.txserve.org/txcvcs/download/ ... YoungU.doc

The effects of youth mentoring are positive, according to a recent study by Utah State University's mentoring program. Released on the Utah Mentoring Partnership Website, the study's overall results showed that mentored youth had decreased involvement in delinquent behaviors, fewer behavioral problems at school and less participation in peer-pressured deviant behaviors.

  Results revealed that 50 percent were less likely to use alcohol, 61 percent were less involved in gang activity and 58 percent less likely to miss school.

  The study also found that 71 percent were less likely to steal, and 70 percent were less likely to use cigarettes or tobacco.

  "I think every teen needs to be mentored," said Jessica Lang, assistant program director for Impact at the Jacobsen Service Center. "There's so many ways they can go wrong but with an example there's so many ways they can go right."

  Lang, 19, is a sophomore from Oak Park, Calif., majoring in broadcast journalism.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter had cancer, would you rely on anecdotes from friends-- or strangers-- about what treatment to get her?

Or would you look at the medical research and take the advice of professionals?

I'd do the latter two:  and I can tell you from having read the research that the professionals recommend a type of therapy called multi-systemic family therapy that has been repeatedly studied for both teens mandated by the justice system and families seeking help on their own.  It incorporates
what the rest of the literature shows:

1) confrontational therapies are harmful and counterproductive (see Dept. of Justice website for review)

2) boot camp settings have similar or increased recidivism for troubled teens compared to simple juvenile detention (see also DOJ, and Koch Institute on Crime study)

3) Keeping the kid at home and coping with what's going on in the family is most effective.

4) you must "meet the patient where he's at"-- ie,  attract the kid into treatment with empathy, support and help meeting *the kid's own* goals.
These are typically not as far off from the parents' goals as you might suspect--it's just that they won't tell the parent or any adult seen as a source of judgment this, but will work toward it when supported and treated with empathy rather than force.

[Deborah]

PEACE COUNCIL
Judy Friesem, Program Manager
Seattle, Washington
206-328-5774
http://www.ccsww.org

This three-year-old service is a parent-teen mediation program for the Seattle, Washington area. Their goal is to help families with teens stay connected when things get difficult. Their ?mediators work in teams of one teen and one adult,? meeting with families and striving ?to help people in conflict communicate respectfully, shift their relationship to one that is supportive and positive, and to collaborate on agreements that work for everyone.? They have 40 volunteers ages 14-64.

http://www.strugglingteens.com/archives ... cilnp.html


[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2003-10-03 14:48 ]

[FaceKhan]

Actually I rather like the idea of letter her just do everything for herself. Don't do her laundry for her, don't clean her room, don't give her money or buy her things. Don't nag her about school. It will be like college.

[animals all of us]

I was getting bored reading all this stuff.
If she is angry and rebellious then maybe it is because she has lost her friends from the last school and is feeling sad and lonely, or maybe she is just as fucked up as you are.
Whenever anyone is angry it is because less enjoyable feelings or some other important emotion is disrupted - such as sadness or loss or embarassment.  
Who the fuck wants to admit to those?

Honestly, she sounds like a teenage human and go get em type of individual who could use some new experiences to channel the energy with some positive role models and then MAYBE some boundaries - so why in the HELL would you want to destroy her WILL and FIRE by paying so much goddamn money (MONEY THAT YOU made with your own pathetic wasted, dirty, confused life and soul) and attention to the fact that she is younger than you and you and your spouse are wanting her 'not to make the mistakes you made' or you are 'wanting to give her what you never had' or some other kind of FUCKed up shit like that.  

By law she has civil rights before she even emerges from the womb.  If you take those away I am absolutely certain that she will find out eventually that you did it and then you will have a relative who is your m.fing enemy until more than likely long after you and your significant other are dead - and that sucks worse than someone who is not your own blood.

A different posting from someone in the know had a REALLY REALLY good suggestion.
Allow your daughter to, if she is so rebellious that you cannot stand yourselves anymore and you are jealous beyond the point of letting yourselves accept your elderliness and passage into adulthood, go to school with some Adults.  
Definitely, if she is having some problems with getting over something that she lost, remember that your children look to you on how to act when they want to identify.  Keeping her around family that at least claim to love her (I cannot tell if you really love her or consider her as some commodity to show to the public at this point because your sorry ass got on this site to let everyone know just how much you love her and how mad at her you are - you fucking asshole, unless this is some hoax to get survivors riled up and you have nothing better to do with your time than to write hot garbage (by the way, why do you choose to remain anonymous, are you that afraid that someone needs to step in and see that you are fucking up your daughter?)) you can subtley make her see adults by 'allowing' her go to college classes at your local community college or other.  I would have eaten that up if my mom told me I could go to college or some other grown up event, she would have gotten the best out of me without me even knowing it.  
As this other post stated, adults will let her know with a quickness that she is not all grown up like she thinks she is.  At least this will help you bide the ouch and get over the fact that your daughter views you both as pieces of shit = like all teenagers who have DESIRE to learn and grow do to their parents.  And you will save A LOT of cash in the process.
If it is something other than this, I mean if you REALLY in your heart believe that she must have some kind of mental disorder or inbalance (I think that you WANT to believe this) then remember who she came from and truly asks yourselves how are YOU wrong.  What can YOU do to change instead of changing someone who cannot possibly know alot about identifying and retribution.  Your daughter.
To compound the issue, it sounds like you need to humble your goddamn self a little more.  In Japan the mother and father eat hardly a meal while the child prodigy feasts upon meat pies.
You are older than her so why not act like it and remember not to sell out when it comes to your most valuable child commodity.  Don't listen or stick your heads into anyone who believes in any false appeal to authority, because noone can help you with this and if you take anyone's (or any of several agreed pieces of advice, or a well designed brochure for that matter containing 'proven success in ratios') advice solely on the basis that it was said then you're more fucked up than I think you already are.  
I don't believe that I am the only one who feels that you may be a Lonely fucking idiot by getting on a site to tell others 'How Much' you love your daughter and how tired you are of all this.  Fucking idiot, YOU need some personal counseling because you are so caught up in the loss of your own childhood and life - and then more so if this is some sort of attempt at an example of what hasn't really happened.  Fucking idiot.  
If you would send her to a place where there are adults, and then begin to QUIT being an AUTHORITARIAN parent (an authoritarian parent is different from the good example of an authoritative parent.    Authoritarian's are assholes as they deal out punishment and act like a fucking HITLER, but they DON'T explain themselves and why it must be like that with loving STRENGTH and Confidence and back it up with further EXPLAINED consequences - either because they are not sure of themselves or because they feel they are too good to do so or they just don't care enough.), then you may see some results as you demand boundaries to her right to freedom.
I wish that you were not her legal guardians you sniveling morons, because at this point in post you have proven you are not doing a very good job and I will bet that she will be your enemy in years to come.  There is nothing you can say, no example you can give that tells me that children listen to the respect their parents hope for.  'I brought you into this world so you owe me', 'I am older than you so...', 'You belong to me.', 'Because Iiii Said So.'.  NOT ONE.  
I am assured in looking at your posts you think that by MAKING her obey you that you will make a friend in years to come, moreover a productive member of society who has a healthy respect for who she is and others too.
If you do care then maybe you do need some time to recommit to your wife and get some help for yourselves because it sounds like either you two are not doing well in therapy (many people skip around to different therapists until they find one who works) and obviously not finding agreements on what is going to happen with the punishments, not to mention that your wife is making a damn fool of you and I know that's gotta sting.  Maybe your wife feels that you are not EXPLAINING the reason for the punishment to either her and/or your daughter, and therefore your wife obviously feels a little trapped and unsure as well.  That would be my hypothesis as to why she is fucking up your foot being put down.  Loved ones do sometimes depend on loved ones to 'start it up'.  If your wife is more or less confused than you are, then make that first attempt and start explaining yourself and your emotions dude.  Then mix it up by letting your other half do some of the boundary and consequence making, even your son and daughter - they'll thank you for it.  Stop dealing in ultimatums and stereotyping.
Hey,  Enjoy the hell that you created!!!
Trapped and unsure and those other feelings are those less than obvious things you get a few moments before you find yourself being inconsiderate, annoying, especially angry because you want to PROTECT yourself or your pride, or perturbed because you just lost something or whatever.
  Or maybe you don't kick ass and rule in the bedroom like you should dude, I don't know cos I'm not there.  Doubtless you feel powerless right now, you have let this consume you and all of your privacy and private thoughts.  Why not take up a hobby? Or if that is to dull for you, why not see a counselor on your own, or take up a sport or a new job or something?  Have your daughter come along and meet some adults you would not mind letting them show her how it is to be kind?  It may take awhile to get yourself from being ALL wrapped up in your family.  You have done something right to get this damn far, now kick it up a notch.  Bitch.
  In my own personal mysoginistic ways I would flip the script on your wife and trick her and leave her with the children for a few days cos it sounds like she needs help too but the ship is sinking and you don't really have time to listen to, 'Im going to leave you if this persists'.  
  Leave those type of people alone, my father would say.

  I'm through adding insult to your injured life   - so -   if you decide to abandon your family I will meet you in Barcelona at a place called the Barcelona Bar.  They have some great chasers there that will let you forget for awhile the fact that you really suck and don't know what the hell you've done with your life you fucking emotionally unavailable idiot.
  Most of this I definitely speak from experience.  Except that I don't rule in the bedroom and abandon my family.  
You shoulda never had kids and definitely SHOULD HAVE learned to bite the bullet enough to use protection in the nappy dugout, dude.  
If you are half the man you wish you were then stop actin like a bitch and love your daughter some more cos she is testing your wife and you and her new big world to find out who she is going to be and nothing more.
My bet is on your daughter becoming just as vindictive and sad as you are, and sending her to others who promise healing will make this a fact.

I apologize. I could have summed that all up into one little sentence.  Here it is:
Stop looking for confidants to your poor parenting skills because you will always suck.  
I lied.  I cant sum it up in one sentence because your daughter knows that you are not in charge and especially that you don't have time to figure HER out and you can't stand yourself because she's knows you and your wife are unorganized whusses (I don't know how to spell whuss but if I did I would tape it to your forehead).  You have to show her you are in charge (because you know you are not) and make her pay for Your inabilities by breaking her will in two, man.  Show her you are as frightened as you are making yourself out to be by posting that you are searching for a better way, dude.  I know we live in a litigious society where even children are apt to call HRS on their own parents these days.  The solution to that is to definitely get some 'Toughlove' and let everyone know that you are part of a dieing generation by posting to the WHOLE fuckin world that you need help with your own flesh and blood.  Gone are the days of the value of a good spanking.

This post has been my wish that you enjoy your eternal hell.  When you commit suicide, or your daughter does because you let that counselor you sent her to rapes her because he deals with parents like yall who want to drop off their children and let his firm babysit for you and so he sees that glimmer in her eye that tells him you won't even ask her what happened to her per each session because you blindly trust the 'goodness' in others but not your very own evil flesh and blood daughter, can I have some of your personal property???  Will you sell me your home when it starts to foreclose after the divorce in a coupla months or years there bub???
Let me know what sort of occupation your son goes into when he gets older and is succesful because you didn't lavish him with so many totalitarian tightass rules and demands - like you did separately to your first born.  I may be in need of his services.  
Probably he will be a counselor who will counsel your first born when she is in a psych ward because your wife and you succeeded in breaking her will to test boundaries and grow.  At least you succeeded in breaking her will to test YOUR world and not HER world.  What great friends and parents you both are.  And your son will have a paycheck each month, too.
I have some doctors in my family who can, for a small fee, medicate your daughter forever.  At your son's behest they will sign a form that can keep your daughter on lock down pretty much indefinitely.

Hmm, you could just send her where adults go to school now or even emancipate her and give her the chance to see she is not so big, or something creatively supportive to her and avoid further trouble and wasting your money on bills you don't truly want.  Or you could just fuck off some more and keep asking questions against what you know in your private heart to be kind and right.  Before you jump to defend your poor position, go and think about these things on your own private time (find some private time)(don't think so much about the ad hominem abusive fallacy statements I made about your sorry ass life), insensitive small minded motherfucker that you are.
Most of all find yourself in finding some time to yourself that you don't share with others especially your daughter because it allows you the excuse to lay blame on her that she is ruining YOUR life.  Her life is unfolding and so is yours so quit trying to end it so quickly and trying to make your poor excuse for a life into something it is not which is not so great.  Quit playing GOD.  Also, when you take ONE turn to spend attentive time with your child, then you can take ONE other turn to develop your own life (while remaining in the home and ignoring your children's constant need for attention) for just you, you will see that it makes you less of a scared little bitch and more of a legible adult.  Your whole family included.  Fucker.

[smack]

What do I know about putting someone in a place like straight? why send your child away? is there a relative that she can stay with, or a friend that she likes? usually kids act out because there is something wrong in the family, like you and your wife or like herself and her life.. etc. why throw a 14 year old in a place where she can't go to school or see you guys or her friends, it would be better for her to go to jail. what's wrong with her? did she tell you guys? maybe she's through with being a young child that listens to everything her parents say or want. maybe she doesn't really like soccer anymore or maybe she sees kids drinking and it makes sense. maybe she's depressed. in europe kids drink. everything that seems adult and feels adult will be revealed in some manner. does she talk about college or going away to school? does she have gifts like music or art? she may feel that her prescription drugs are drugging her, there are many kinds of medication. also her chemicals are all changing and moods and reactions change. maybe let her sleep or let her stay up late. if she's doing the wrong things, let her be creative and show her how to be creative. constructively, or destructively if it means certain art like ripping up pictures and pasting them or the wall or coloring her hair bright green. think about it and don't be a fuck ass.