The Parents Side of the Story

[Anne Bonney]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself,.

Then you really have no business speaking for parents at all, do you?

You're right, that's exactly why I started this thread. Although I hope parents will come and share their side of the story, I'm not sure they will, this forum has a reputation for being rather hostile to the opinions of programs parents. But to those parents who are reading and understanding what I am saying, I want to say thank you. Not everybody who is sent to a program ends up bitter and angry about it for their whole lives. I was a little angry at first, but realized as I matured over a few years, and talking with my parents, that I needed to take accountability and give up the self centered victim mentality.

Yet you went on for quite a while about you perceived parents to go thru.   Gotcha.  Get back to me when you've actually been a parent at all, let alone one of someone with real troubles.

Again, it's a wonder, if I was in such desperate need of "help", that my friends before Straight ever got thru life without benefit of a program.  It's a wonder my own child got thru her troubles without the brainwashing of a program.  Parents of any teen, let alone one who is struggling, are a vulnerable sort and ripe for the picking of these thought-reform places.  Unfortunately, in their desire to help, the often allow these places to do much more damage.....sometimes damage that can't be undone.

[Anne Bonney]

Good God Max,
What were you going through that caused you to be hospitalized several times for being suicidal?  Your parents have a responsibility to you to do their best to provide a comfortable, safe place for you to learn and grow into a healthy adult.  Many parents have trouble with this, including mine, but hiring someone else to do it is just dumb, nobody will care for your child if you don't.

Drug addiction coupled with mental illness, and self harm. Hiring somebody else in my case wasn't dumb, it was absolutely necessary. I have a couple siblings and was living with a single parent, who ran their own business which was going under at the same time this parent had to deal with all my issues. I could never honestly claim that my parents did not try their best. I don't think it's dumb to admit you need help with your troubled teen, but that's my opinion. My parents couldn't of watched me 24/7 like a program did.

Help is not what these places provide.  Thought-reform and control is what they provide.  If the program you went to truly wasn't abusive and really did save your life, why are you so reluctant to name it?  What are you afraid of?  Is it one that has already been shut down for abuse?

[Maximilian]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself,.

Then you really have no business speaking for parents at all, do you?

You're right, that's exactly why I started this thread. Although I hope parents will come and share their side of the story, I'm not sure they will, this forum has a reputation for being rather hostile to the opinions of programs parents. But to those parents who are reading and understanding what I am saying, I want to say thank you. Not everybody who is sent to a program ends up bitter and angry about it for their whole lives. I was a little angry at first, but realized as I matured over a few years, and talking with my parents, that I needed to take accountability and give up the self centered victim mentality.

Yet you went on for quite a while about you perceived parents to go thru.   Gotcha.  Get back to me when you've actually been a parent at all, let alone one of someone with real troubles.

I talked about my own family experiences. Now I am not credible enough to even comment on my own family? I wasn't in a program decades ago like some here, I'm in my 20's I don't have kids yet. You can comment on your family in this thread if you want, or you can keep telling me why my opinions are invalid, that choice is yours.

Again, it's a wonder, if I was in such desperate need of "help", that my friends before Straight ever got thru life without benefit of a program.  It's a wonder my own child got thru her troubles without the brainwashing of a program.  Parents of any teen, let alone one who is struggling, are a vulnerable sort and ripe for the picking of these thought-reform places.  Unfortunately, in their desire to help, the often allow these places to do much more damage.....sometimes damage that can't be undone.

I was a particularly troubled teen with a lot of issues. Most teens make it through adolescence without any sort of program or intervention, those who require it like myself are in the extreme minority. But I feel the option for parents to seek out what they feel is appropriate is a good thing. Do some parents pull the trigger early on programs? Probably, I questioned why some kids were in the program when I was there. My family did not, it was the last option and they tried everything else. I would always suggest that parents try less intense things first than going straight to a long term strict program. I was transfered to a program from a psychiatric hospital, where I had been for several months on and off. It wasn't just my parents that thought I needed a long term program, it was the psychiatrist and social worker too. The program saved my life, by removing me from home and phsyically keeping me from harming myself. I don't claim programs save everybody's life, never have, never will. But it did save mine, and without that option of private program my parents would have had no choice but to let me remain at home, or calling the cops on my many illegal behaviors and have me put in juvenille hall. They tried local RTC, I ran away and they just let you go, because they aren't like programs, which will chase you and bring you back. Juvie or private program? I'm glad they picked the private program.

[Maximilian]

Good God Max,
What were you going through that caused you to be hospitalized several times for being suicidal?  Your parents have a responsibility to you to do their best to provide a comfortable, safe place for you to learn and grow into a healthy adult.  Many parents have trouble with this, including mine, but hiring someone else to do it is just dumb, nobody will care for your child if you don't.

Drug addiction coupled with mental illness, and self harm. Hiring somebody else in my case wasn't dumb, it was absolutely necessary. I have a couple siblings and was living with a single parent, who ran their own business which was going under at the same time this parent had to deal with all my issues. I could never honestly claim that my parents did not try their best. I don't think it's dumb to admit you need help with your troubled teen, but that's my opinion. My parents couldn't of watched me 24/7 like a program did.

Help is not what these places provide.  Thought-reform and control is what they provide.  If the program you went to truly wasn't abusive and really did save your life, why are you so reluctant to name it?  What are you afraid of?  Is it one that has already been shut down for abuse?

No it was not shut down for abuse. I choose not to name it because that's my choice. Should I cede to the group pressuring to release more information about myself than I am comfortable with? How very ironic.

[shaggys]

If Max/SUCK IT actually attended a program (doubtful) then I can guess the only rational reason to hide its name would be if he was an abusive staff member. Did you abuse kids when you were (supposedly) in treatment Max-it? Are you afraid there could be angry parents and kids out there looking to confront you for the abuse they suffered?

[Maximilian]

Ha,ha. No I was never a staff member. I actually didn't do that well in the program hierarchy, to be honest. I was too busy trying to destroy myself to get involved in the politics. It was the simple act of physically removing me from my destructive home life, and keeping me away from drugs and sharp things (pathetic right?) that kept me alive. I was on suicide watch, minus shoelaces, for almost the entire time. I was a barely coherent, mentally ill, highly medicated, drug addict when I arrived, and it took me many months to recover to even a semblance of my former self, I was pretty messed up.

[Anne Bonney]

Ha,ha. No I was never a staff member.

That "ha,ha" looks so familiar.

I was a barely coherent, mentally ill, highly medicated, drug addict when I arrived, and it took me many months to recover to even a semblance of my former self,

Then what the hell were you doing at a WWASPs program?  Wow.....no wonder you're so fucked up.

I was pretty messed up.

Was??

[Maximilian]

That "ha,ha" looks so familiar.

Whooter does it more like Ha,Ha,Ha...  

But if you want to believe I'm Whooter, that's your right. Who am I to stand in the way of someone and their delusions?

I was a barely coherent, mentally ill, highly medicated, drug addict when I arrived, and it took me many months to recover to even a semblance of my former self,

Then what the hell were you doing at a WWASPs program?  Wow.....no wonder you're so fucked up.

I was getting my life saved, that's what.

I was pretty messed up.

Was??

You don't know anything about me, other than my opinions on treatment. If we met in real life, if anybody here met me they'd get along with me. But since I hold some pro treatment views I'm the devil on fornits. Whatever, I'll live.

[Anne Bonney]

But since I hold some pro treatment views I'm the devil on fornits. Whatever, I'll live.

No, since you hold the view that anything connected with WWASPs could be good is what makes us think you're a victim of Stockholm Syndrom....just as I was for a while regarding Straight.

I'm not against treatment.....I'm against falsely presented treatment.  I'm against abusive LGAT methods that damage a person's psyche, sometimes beyond repair.  I'm pro real treatment for those that actually need it, not kids who are just doing the normal rebelling that most teens do and that is a normal part of breaking away from parents and becoming their own persons.  No one gets out of adolescence unscathed.  It's a scary time for both the kids and the parents and I know because I've been both.  Until you can say that you've parented anyone, let alone a 'troubled' teen, you have no business advising parents on what to do.

[Maximilian]

But since I hold some pro treatment views I'm the devil on fornits. Whatever, I'll live.

No, since you hold the view that anything connected with WWASPs could be good is what makes us think you're a victim of Stockholm Syndrom....just as I was for a while regarding Straight.

I'm not a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, I don't have time to get into details at the moment, but to attempt to put this label on me is just another way to discredit the experiences I share about myself and my own opinions. I was never brainwashed and wasn't happy about being in the program at the time. I wasn't ready to admit it saved my life for a few years, until then I was more comfortable remaining under the psychological security blanket of victimhood. Enough time has passed that I'm willing to be honest, even if it means taking a critical look at myself and my own behaviors. I created another thread in which we can discuss the "real" treatment options and what you view as ethical vs unethical treatment. I hope this thread can remain somewhat on topic, in that people can talk about their family and how their behavior impacted them. I would really like to hear from program parents if they want to share, and their perspective whether they are pro program or against them. I think that is an opinion that is lacking on fornits sometimes.

I will feel better about myself when I can repay every penny my parent had to spend on the program, because it was my fault and I want to be accountable and feel guilty about forcing them to spend this money on me. I will pay it back eventually, even if it takes a while.If my family knew I was saving to repay them, they'd refuse it. So one day I am going to present them a check and refuse to take it back, I will feel a lot better about myself that day comes, and I look forward to it.

[shaggys]

That is extremely disturbing max-it. You sound like someone who just got back from a Peoples Temple meeting. Total slavish devotion to the cult I mean "treatment center" that "gave you your life back". Just when i think you cant be more disturbed you prove me wrong. Wow!

[Whooter]

That is extremely disturbing max-it. You sound like someone who just got back from a Peoples Temple meeting. Total slavish devotion to the cult I mean "treatment center" that "gave you your life back". Just when i think you cant be more disturbed you prove me wrong. Wow!

Ha,Ha,Ha  when all else fails bring out the old Stockholm Syndrome.  Its a fornits classic and goes way back.  You gotta love this place.



...

[Anne Bonney]

That is extremely disturbing max-it. You sound like someone who just got back from a Peoples Temple meeting. Total slavish devotion to the cult I mean "treatment center" that "gave you your life back". Just when i think you cant be more disturbed you prove me wrong. Wow!

Ha,Ha,Ha  when all else fails bring out the old Stockholm Syndrome.  Its a fornits classic and goes way back.  You gotta love this place.

What....you really think it doesn't exist or doesn't apply to the TTI?  It sure explains my allegiance for a time to a program that abused me.  And, as you're so fond of saying, I think we can all agree that Straight was indeed abusive.

[Whooter]

That is extremely disturbing max-it. You sound like someone who just got back from a Peoples Temple meeting. Total slavish devotion to the cult I mean "treatment center" that "gave you your life back". Just when i think you cant be more disturbed you prove me wrong. Wow!

Ha,Ha,Ha  when all else fails bring out the old Stockholm Syndrome.  Its a fornits classic and goes way back.  You gotta love this place.

What....you really think it doesn't exist or doesn't apply to the TTI?  It sure explains my allegiance for a time to a program that abused me.  And, as you're so fond of saying, I think we can all agree that Straight was indeed abusive.

Sorry, Anne, of course it exists.  So does ODD, ADHD, but not everyone buys into it.  Plus it is way overused here on fornits to justify ignoring people who have a positive experience.



...

[Samara]

Well, I admit it. I did have something like Stockholm at CEDU. I could not fathom what was happening there.  I HAD to believe -even though I thought it was the Twilight Zone of Surreality - that there was some higher purpose. I justified and rationalized and qualified clearly abusive practices.   Much like the abused houswife who says, "he didn't really mean it" or "he has so much good in him." It took me years to be honest with myself.

After over a decade of nightmares and education, I realized that not one therapeutic practice was based on sound foundation. The financial and academic practices were fraudulent, the staff were not only inculcated, but came in fucked up themselves, and there were ZERO interpersonal boundaries (which is essential to wellbeing).  And how do you justify living in such an insular environment that demonizes the outside world while also promoting an atmosphere of emotional onslaught? Even the whole dead insane or in jail spiel. Even though I was merely a recreational drug user, and stopped of my own volition (easily) pre-CEDU, I seriously brought into the whole druggie myth.

Blah blah blah it has all been said before. But my point is, I was emotionally invested in legitimizing CEDU for a looong time, even though I knew it was shit inside. The CEDU mythology was not something I gave up readily. Because part of the whole Program is building the Mythology and creating experiences that were so intense you thought you reached some enlightened pinnacle born of pain. You were sad for all the mere non-CEDU mortals who led ordinary lives. Man, we really brought the bullshit.

Ok. sorry back to the parent's side of the story. Mine were desperate. They forgot to parent for 15 or 16 years and then said, holy shit, this job is too big for us (They  would agree with this characterization). The brochures looked good. And the Ed Con sold them on it.   I do not blame my parents for hoping to help me. I don't even blame them that much for shitty parenting.  They did the best they could with limited emotional resources.