My thoughts on Waynes Book by Danny Bennison
http://http://www.facebook.com/#!/topic.php?uid=2234330403&topic=15521I have read Waynes book as many here. I will not be trying to compete with his writing skills nor length of his book. He beats me hands down. The book was mesmerizing to say the least. Names were brought up that I have not thought about in years (decades). Some of the people I have/had stayed in contact with throughout the years. So it was interesting to hear their thoughts on the book also. The chronicling of my work history was for the most part off but only by a few months, I was wrote about being at Elan 7 at a time I had already left.
I am not going to get in a big argument about the book at this time if ever. I don't see the need after all. Yes at first I wanted to jump all over it but I was encouraged not to by many. This story brought up old hurts, wounds and anger. I was a resident at Elan for almost 2 years, I watched Elan change into a violent atmosphere in a matter of years. I witnessed the change in residents being brought to Elan from Mental facilities, Juvenile detention centers, Autistic children ect....I watched Staff and Directors leave en-mass and I watched 3 people who are still there deny they are doing children harm, It is beyond shameful.
Back to the book, two people I will talk about that I felt were erroneously portrayed one was my best friend Donald Hampton. I knew Donald prior to coming to Elan, we met at YCC in R.I. We were residents together at Elan, became staff together.
Don was a black guy and while we worked at Elan we were roommmates, along with 3 other people. So I'm sorry I don't know where this racist "nigger shit" is coming from but ya got me confused with someone else. Donald left Elan because of the violence, he worked as staff for a whole 4 months. He hated Elan. AS far as calling people faggots and so forth, well ya got me there. During the football season in 76 George White, Wanye Barnes, Steve Sperry, Mike O'Neil, Alan Frey and others use to egg one another on across the lines calling each other faggots. We would wait to see if George was going to carry the ball and Dominic Parker and myself would call George a faggot if he ran away from us. As far as calling residents faggots as staff no I'm sorry once again not my style.
In early 1978 I was 18 years old and most of the people I wrote about above were my age or a year younger. I was in the program with them, hung out with them and kept in touch with three of them over the years. If you were from Rhode Island and followed college basketball and the NBA during the early 70's you knew Wayne Barnes older brother. His brother was paying for Wayne.
Second person is Mary Jones. Mary has been talked about a lot on this site and fornits. She was used to embarrass me. You guys remember the story of Mary being tied to the back of a Van and dragged around Elan. Now the story is Mary was beaten by 15 to 20 people. Well everyone that really knows Mary Jones finds this to be a bit incredulous. I'll tell you why, Mary had a kidney abnormality so she was never put in the ring or received any kind of physical punishment. This came down from Joe straight from Rhode Island. So I find this a tad difficult to understand because if she was beat she would definitely sustained injuries that probably would have killed her or very near. This is a fact, just ask anyone who knew Mary Jones from 75-79. I feel for Mary and they way she has been treated.
As I said I am not going to minimize this book. I am sure Wayne invested his soul in this book. I do believe it took a lot of courage to put yourself out there. To talk to a audience about what you experienced at 15 years old. No one could have prepared us for Elan and the mind fuck that happened to us. So no, I am not going to fight Wayne or anyone else over the barbarous abuses that went on.
If Wayne was in the House, Elan 7 as he said he was then we both know what I did and what I did not do. I do not have the luxury of remembering Wayne and for this I am sorry. It does not mean you were insignificant it just means I can not recollect.
Wayne I also want to take this time to apologize for any and all harm I caused you either directly or indirectly. I was put in charge to care for you (whether Elan wanted me to do this or not) I knew that you needed to be protected and I failed horribly.
I can only hope in time you can see just how sincere I am.
Now I would also like to take the time to express my sincere apologies to others to have gone to Elan that I was unkind to and down right rude to over the last year or so. As I have said before I could not have prepared myself enough to understand the impact of emotions that stormed back into my life when I ventured onto this site and others concerning Elan.
I did not handle the emotions from others well. I can only hope that Felice, Sharon, Matt, Mark, Wayne and others can forgive my intolerable behavior I displayed here and other sites a while back. My ongoing amends to you all has been to leave you alone and to empathize with your pain and how I can irritate this with my behavior.
I now understand that just by being staff and a Director will be enough for many of you to push me away. I am OK with this now. I guess I have acquired enough information so it is not as important to be heard as it is to listen. I have people I can go to to help me when I need it.
I was so naive and ignorant when I first got here because I had not put two 'n two together yet. This is a survivor site and I was staff. I had never really looked at myself that way. Being staff was just another phase of Elan until I left. I never had any intention of staying at Elan. I just had no other place to go and until I figured out what was next I thought I would just stay there. What was next came 20 months, when I moved to Louisiana and worked in the Gulf of Mexico on oil rigs. I have never looked back since.
Wayne thanks for a great book. Hey I have no problem really you using my name. I am sure I have injured you in some way. Just by being staff.
Just know this, I have a heart and a soul. I love and I am loved. I know what you went through and I am sorry I am a part of your life in the way I am.
Please think about this, you and I know what I did. Part of our healing process is getting honest about our past so we can forgive. Forgiveness does not mean you invite me into your life, forgiveness means we look at our past honestly and have no more illusions about it. We see it as it was and say Ok this is what happened and I am letting it go.
With my love in your healing process,
Danny
P.S. These were just some heartfelt thoughts I had.
Diane love you much.....
My little sister wrote to me the lyrics to the song "Daniel" from Elton John in 1975. I read this letter while sitting in my bunk in the mens dormitory. They converted the mens dormitory into Elan 7 eighteen months later.
I thought that had some significance here.
* I report, you decide :beat: