Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones

Accountability

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blownawaytheidahoway:
In 1999 or 2000 I was working at a firm in Manhattan. On one of the client lists a name reminded me of someone I was close with some years back. I say close because he ran some of my workshops at RMA and was known to be less frightening than many of the other powerstaffers.

I decided, why not look up Tim Brace? I was able to find him easy enough, and from the comfort of my desk I rang him up. I mentioned my name: did he remember me? Of course he did. I went on to tell him what I was up to and we exchanged some small talk. He told me he was just starting a new school in Virginia. On this point- even though it wasn't my intention when I reached out to him out of the blue- I began to share some of the overall feelings and reflections I had about my time in Idaho. It was hard for me, my subconscious was relaying a message that I should be worried. They would come and get me again. I pushed through the mysterious and palatable fear and simply told him about how I felt there were things TOO intense up there. I thought there was wrongness. He went on to say he (and I quote) "I've heard that kind of thing a lot."..."we've made a lot of modifications since you were a student" kind of thing.
Hunh. Ok. nice talking to you. I hung up.  

We spoke only that one time since I had been a student. The gist of it all now is sitting just behind my eyeballs as being uniquely significant. I can't quite unroll the feelings, the context I was in, memory, individual reflections of the past and the memories therein. But I got off the phone and since I hadn't thought about being 14 again, I felt like I had done a service by telling him that the program had some tremendous flaws.

And here I am so many years later....I had several times tried to responsibly deal with legitimate frustrations, not just complaints. Problems and flaws within the CEDU system existed to the point of doing exactly what they wanted. I'm molded, I admit. I am a forgiving and trusting man and I'm trying to capture in my book the wildly incestuous and freakishness that surrounded the campus and the men and women that worked there. I've tried to be honest and gentle. Do I betray myself by talking about RMA? Those people in that time hurt kids. PERIOD. It was done harmfully and methodically. And if you don't feel the same, you and I had very different outlooks on life long before we "attended"  our respective shitpits. I know what I need and don't need and what I needed and didn't need. Trying to tell me otherwise is insanity. I'm sane...I think. But definitely no thanks to CEDU schools.

damanamanit:
“I've tried to be honest and gentle.”

I am encouraged by your ability to be 'honest and gentle.' Part of my 'issues' at Cascade was the fact that they called me, “Little Polly Purebread.” I was taught from a young age to smile through everything, it was required in my house growing up. Cascade did finally break me of that, and much to the point that I only genuinely smile when there is something to smile about—otherwise my expressions are extremely colorful and I am a very easy read. I also learned to have little patience for bullshit or lying. This has made it extremely difficult to maintain relationships because for the most part people don't want to hear the truth, they don't want it laid out for them even when it is asked for.
I spent well over a month in my mothers apartment before I could actually function in public when I left Cascade. I was frightened—there were no safety nets.  I don't believe I ever really acclimated to the real world after leaving Cascade. I am on a host of medications and there are times when I find it impossible to leave my house. I am hypersensitive to hurting others and become protective of others when they are being hurt. Perhaps I never grew up emotionally. My being gentle I would equate as a trait that I share with my children and close friends. There is no way I could be gentle in my approach with Barbara Cass or Michael Algood and many others from Cascade. Gentle doesn't seem to be warranted or acceptable. Gentle is left for the innocents. They were never gentle in their approach with me, and I guess I cannot be the 'bigger' person and extend that kind of grace to them. Yet another thing I will have to work on.... lol

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