Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Straight, Inc. and Derivatives

Survivor of Kids Of NJ

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Forever Young:
I need help! I discovered these sites almost two years ago and since have been thinking about it since leaving the nest.  I went years thinking nothing of it.  Does anyone have any idea how fucked up I (lots of us) are because of that hole.  I like many others revert to myself in crisis and suffered horrific depression for a long time.  I feel like giving up.  I just don't see hope anymore.  I have little coping skills and have lost everything in the past few months.  I can't fight anymore.  I have cornered myself and fear I have no where to turn now.  My significant other left me (on my birthday) and since have been holed up at home.  I can't even pick up the phone.  Haven't eaten a meal in days.  Can't sleep.  Off on sick benefits (and never not worked in over 10 years).  I can honestly say I have no desire to look for work or have the ability to anyhow.  I lost my job when my depression got worse.  Which started after being haunted by these sites; realizing how much I had not dealt with after leaving Kids.  I have no friends, no family and soon no home.  I am scared I won't make it this time.  I see myself as getting weaker not stronger now.  Maybe it's just easier giving up because I have nothing anymore.  But I am hanging in there.  Yesterday I had hopefull thoughts and today I was scared of my actions.  

I was in Kids of NJ 89-90 and am a Canadian.

velvet2000:
Forever, you've been reading these posts so you probably know who I am. Would you like to email me? survivingaarc@hotmail.com. I've been through something similar to what you're going through. If you mail we can also chat through icq or aol.

Glad you posted.

Forever Young:
It took all my courage and am still not willing to submit my name.  I cannot talk yet.  I typed it, and that is just the forfront issue.  I cannot talk to anyone about me.  I do not have those skills.  Not since kids.  I shut down.  But this time it's worse.  I am bidding time waiting to lose my home and that's it for me.  Losing my partner last week put (pardon the punn) nail in the coffin.  I can't phathom even walking out my door, let alone picking up the phone.  Or really conversing about anything.  I have one friend where I am living and told her she won't hear from me for a while as I hate having negative shit going on and burdening people with it.  Like I am doing here..This is different - you chose to read.  I was a burden to my ex and they couldn't handle it.  I am ashamed and scared of what I have become.  This is far worse than 5 years ago (when I went into remission for my depression).  It's so hard now.  I was younger then, less responsibility AND liability.  I don't need to tell anyone about overhead and banks.  Not funny but true.  Living in same house nearly 4 years.  Never missed or been even a day late for rent.  This month had to cash RRSP and it took 48 hours.  I was 2 days late and I got an eviction notice.  My ex then left me.  That was last week.  Things are not getting better.  I was so strong and independant and now....I reverted back to irrational decisions like when I was younger and had far less experience.  But today - I know I just don't have the heart anymore.  Too much for me.  And no I couldn't call.  Talking will not fix me.  I know the answers I am just trying to see if I have it in me to fight again.  Do you understand?  

Thanks for the reply by the way.  Are the girl that moved to the states after AARC?

Thanks for reading again and for wanting to help.  NOTED!

Have a good day.

Forever Young

Anonymous:
I know how you feel,infact you sound like someone I use to know (mike)
e-mail me at superboy22@aol.com we will talk

    Relax there is  a life outside of satans den

Webmistress:
Wow...Forever Young.  I am so glad you posted.  I am sorry for the emotions you have been through since finding these sites.  I knew there was a risk in putting this one up when I did, but I have also found that the sites help in the long run.  It sometimes takes a while, but talking to the same people that went throught the same stuff we did helps so much.  At least it helped me.  If you are who I think you are, call me immediately!  I insist that you call me!  LOL....with another risk of sounding like a cliche'  "It DOES get better"!!!!!!

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