Author Topic: Just wondering  (Read 1424 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Just wondering
« on: July 17, 2002, 02:19:00 AM »
Am I the only one who sits here at 34 some 14-15 yrs after I got "out" and thinks this f-ing place has effected nearly EVERY aspect of my life since I was 16?  Decisions, expectations, needs from others, thought patterns, prejudices... I swear - this bs haunts me and is the thread that has run thru my adult life - DESTRUCTIVELY - which is such B*llsh$t!
I wasn't even fit to be there - I was a shithead rebellious teen with too strong a will for their own good!  I search for an  intimacy hard to find in the "real" world.  I notice every little thing. Dr. Newton is such a monster.  He lives peacefully in FL, he must be such a f-up in his mind.  He can't live with this comfortably, can he? ... or, is he so demented, so psychotic -  that he CAN and DOES quite easily?  I feel robbed of developmental years, skewed by unreasonable though-processes... this is so freakin ridiculous... I know better, but it always seems when I look back on choices, it played a monumental part.  UGH!  Just venting.  Would love to know if others find similar consequences.  I feel like  a FREAK!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Just wondering
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2002, 08:49:00 AM »
I feel the same at times, but can`t let it consume me...I think I`d have a nervious break-down if I did. I get very depressed when I in it and feeling it. I don`t want to be his victim anymore, then he still wins. I have to believe I`m better then that. It`s all about keeping it in prospective. And that is hard on some days, but those days are easyer when I do. It takes a lot of copeing skills to do. Your not alone.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Just wondering
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2002, 03:10:00 PM »
You are not alone in remembering that horrific part of all our lives, no one could make that go away.  I think you need to find some humor in it, that is waht I do.  I think about things that went on in there and you have to admit it, it is so insane it is almost hilarious.  As for Miller, he is just a sick F**k who gets his thrills off his power trip, he would not get away with any of his crap today with us.  He prays on naive children who have no choices, and can not walk away or defend themselves. because in the real world he would get his ass kicked for trying that crap on a grown person with a mind of there own who could get up, kick his ass and walk out of the intake room.  I will tell you something funny,  about five or so years ago we saw that twisted man in a restaurant and I spit at him in the parking lot, he did not even look back and did not even recognize me, i left and he left.  That is how screwed up he is he wouldn't know a lot of us by face, but he knew how to cash our families checks.  I know that it was imature at my age, but it sure felt good.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Just wondering
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2002, 07:49:00 PM »
I just wanted to say I have very similiar effects from being in Kids(North Jersey).  I have had so many nightmares constantly of being back in group with staff being mean to me and not being able to get out or get to a higher phase.  I copped out on second phase and remember being found and getting carried out by my family and the male graduates.  I hated getting yelled at all the time and being physically and emotionally abused.  I would always be thrown on the floor and wrapped in blankets.  I wonder if anyone remembers getting there mouth covered till it bled.  What hurts so much is how they wasted our most precious years.  I missed out on family events and deaths.  I was so mind  controlled and I got psychotic in there and I will always remeber how crazy it was.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Just wondering
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2002, 12:13:00 AM »
sorry that you are a fucking freak  you dirt burgaler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »