While I was an inmate at Mount Bachelor Academy, I was able to obtain copies of a lot of their promotional literature. I have decided to post the largest of those documents, entitled Heart to Heart: A Parent Survival Guide to Mount Bachelor Academy. The whole packet was written by one Mina Steen, a former parent of a student who is
currently on Mount Bachelor Academy's payroll.The first installment can be found here:
viewtopic.php?f=48&t=26311It is my opinion that the deceptive marketing practices used by Mount Bachelor Academy are endemic to the "troubled teen industry" as a whole, and that they should thus be examined and taken apart piece by piece publicly so that desperate parents in the future won't be as easily manipulated as mine were. As promised, I will post this entire packet in a series of installments. All material was copied word-for-word from the original, except where noted by the [brackets.]
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Tip #3 - "Keep the Lines of Communication Flowing"It reflects an enormous leap of faith on your part to turn your child over to people you don't really know and to a program that initially seems pretty structurally complicated, especially when you and your child are at your most vulnerable. It is doubly difficult since there is no support organization like the "PTA," and you may feel you shouldn't "bother" MBA staff, though you have many, many questions and more keep occurring. You
can "bother" MBA staff with what's on your mind. Feeling comfortable and developing trust takes time and acquiring more information.
>Communicating With Other Parents: A New Parent's LifelineThe First thing you can do is join the Parent (email) Listbox.
[Instructions are then given on how to send and receive email from the listbox]
Once on board the listbox, you can introduce yourself and ask other parents any questions you might have. It's consoling to realize that you're not alone. Parents of current and graduated students share experiences, and you will find this parent network is incredibly supportive and full of insight that cannot be gained elsewhere. The listbox can also be your place to "give back" by sharing your experiences and perceptions. But don't be intimidated - you can partici[pate in the listbox without ever writing a thing, if you chose to only read other parents' incoming messages. The listbox is entirely confidential and is not availableto anyone except other MBA parents. No MBA staff member has access to the emails. Any potentially sensitive information you learn on the listbox should
not be shared with others or your child without permission.
>Communicating With Your ChildStaying In Touch During Phase I (Discovery Phase)
Within about a week or two of your child's enrollment, you will begin to hear regularly from our child's Phase I mentor. Those calls, usually made on a weekly basis, become your pipeline to your child's new world, especially since you will not be able to talk with your child directly for several weeks. Because time on these calls goes very quickly, we have found it helpful to prepare for the weekly call by writing down ahead of time any thoughts or concerns or items to discuss.
Unfortunately,due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, the calls do not always come at the appointed times (in spite of the fact that parents may have rearranged their work schedules to accommodate the call time!). If you have not received your call within about 15 minutes of the scheduled time, call the school to see what has happened and offer some times for rescheduling, if necessary.
You may be asked to place rescheduling information in your mentor's voice mailbox. Though they may also have an email address, you need to check with them to see which is their preferred method for contact.
During Discovery (Phase I), you will communicate with your child only by written mail (or perhaps fax). Even after regular phone calls between you and your child begin, you will be encouraged to continue mail contacts throughout his stay at MBA. Remember that you are your child's lifeline to the "outside world"!
Don't be too upset or surprised if your child does not write profuse or frequent letters to you. Although students are in theory required to write home, that doesn't always happen, and some of the letters may be very short and uninformative. That, too, often improves over time. Also be aware that there may be such circumstances that prevent your child from receiving or sending mail, such as being placed on a self-study. If you have questions about communication issues, ask your mentor.
There is often a lag in the mail or in faxed items, usually because the mentors read communications to and from your child. That aspect of a mentor's role helps him know your family, your feelings and your day-to-day happenings, as well as how your child is communicating his experiences. IT also alerts the mentor to events at home that your child may find disturbing (like the death of a pet, a friend having trouble with the police, grandma having had a stroke, etc.).
Finally, with regard to mail, your child may not communicate with any of his prior friends until an assigned point during Phase II when you and the mentor agree he may do so.
-Notable Changes in Phase IIIn Phase II, which happens after students complete The Bridge Lifestep, your child may place a weekly call on an evening that typically remains consistent throughout the MBA stay. (
Hint: Provide the school with phone cards or calling card numbers to avoid expensive collect calls.) A staff member is present in the room when the child calls. The staff may check with you to ask how the call went and to see if you need to hear from or relay anything to a mentor. This is particularly true if the staff member perceives that the call has been "difficult" for the child.
These calls fly by quickly. They will likely be more satisfactory if you have compiled a list of things you want to be sure to cover. Be sure to save time to let your child express himself, too.
While students are encouraged to call home weekly, they are not required to do so. Some parents have encountered the difficult situation of waiting anxiously for a call, only to have it not occur. If this happens more than once, don't hesitate to discuss this with the mentor. The opposite situation can also occur, in which a child calls home only to be disappointed by the parents not being available. Since most students eagerly look forward to their weekly phone contact with folks at home, parents are encouraged to make every effort to honor these appointments.
Further into Phase II, there will be occasional (typically each week or two) conference calls that involve your child and his mentor. Issues may arise that would cause ether you or the mentor to initiate additional conference calls. While these conferences can, at times, be challenging experiences, they can also offer some real breakthroughs in family understanding.
-Greater Freedom In Phase III!By Phase III, (after the The Promise Lifestep,) communications will take another turn. The conference calls between you, your child and the mentor will continue, but depending on your child's circumstances and your new mentor's judgments, they may be less or more frequent than Phase II. After The Venture Lifestep, weekly calls with your child will be extended to 15 minutes, and most students are given the option to send email. In short, efforts are increased to reconnect you and your child as the process evolves toward reuniting the family, and students are afforded the opportunity to taste more freedom.
>Communicating With MBA: The LogisticsMost often, your child's mentor is your conduit for all questions and information. However, there are staff members who have specialties and other assigned duties with your children. These may also be contacted with regard to their areas of responsibility, such as academics, more severe discipline, substance addiction, health care, or travel arrangements. Your mentor and the MBA phone list can help you determine the appropriate personnel and how to contact them.
It is sometimes hard to reach a staff member, and this can be exceedingly frustrating. Given the nature of the school, the day-to-day needs of our children, and the unforeseen events that require their attention, staff is often occupied and away from their phones. You may find it easier to reach the support staff, who are usually available to take calls during business hours. If you really have a problem that needs immediate attention, and cannot reach the person you need, let the administrative office know and they will help direct you.
If you dial the MBA number and reach only a message or answering machine (such as after business hours or on weekends), you may dial Ext. #202 to leave a message. We advise that you only do this if you feel your message is very important for the staff to receive before the next school day. The on-call staff member will respond to you as quickly as possible, or at least deal with the contents of your message.
If you are leaving your hometown and won't be available at one of the numbers MBA has listed for you, let you mentor know how to reach you. Either leave your temporary number with your child's mentor, or with another administrative person at MBA for delivery to the mentor.
-Be Proactive In Communicating with MBA StaffShare your gut feelings about your child's progress with the mentor. Mentors encourage parents to speak up and share their perspective. If you need information, or feel uncomfortable, or have concerns, make a call or email. If you have an idea you want your mentor or other staff to consider, make a call or send an email. They appreciate hearing our viewpoint and our experience with our child and consider these to be integral to the process. THat said, try to keep in mind that mentors and other MBA staff are exceedingly busy. It's beneficial to develop a sense of balance, maintaining regular and necessary communication, but not calling too often.
Communication becomes easier and feels much more comfortable after your first in-person parent conference, which typically occurs during the first parent seminar after your child enrolls at MBA. (This may not be the case if your child is still in Discovery Phase.) It is comforting to actually meet your child's mentor, and other staff, face to face, and to start meeting other students. You will also feel better informed about the program and the nature of your child's social environment. Depending upon where your child is in the program, you may have time and permission for an on or off campus visit with our child following the parent conference.
-Birthdays and Holidays At MBAMost of your kids will celebrate their birthdays and even some significant holidays at MBA. No doubt about it, this is one of the toughest aspects of having your child at MBA. The holidays and birthdays will just not be the same for you, your family or your child.The reality of those losses will hit each of us differently and the same goes for our children. At least they have the support of each other and the staff. We remain in our old worlds, working to keep our thoughts in the positive while a myriad of feelings well up inside.
One thing that helps is to
become informed. Whether it is a holiday or a birthday, the school and/or your mentor can tell you how things are celebrated and what role you and others can play. The listbox is a good source of information as well. Parents can share what they have done to celebrate and this will open your mind to all of the possibilities.
You may be challenged to think of small gifts when CD's, video games, and movies are no longer options. Even any jewelry and cosmetics are usually off-limits until Phase III. Many parents send funny gifts, like floppy animal slippers or comfort gifts, like warm "jammies" for winter. Other nice touches to enrich their MBA days are attractive journals, family photos in frames, inexpensive cameras, "stuffies" (MBA lingo for stuffed animals!) or other dorm decorations, reading or writing supplies. Some families have had a "personal" calendar printed at the local full-service print shop, with family photos and special dates designated. In the past parents have also sent bouquets of flowers or balloons. Food items such as big tubs of candy should be cleared in advance and, if approved, are usually shared with other students - and staff! It is best to check with the mentor if you have any questions about appropriateness, as having a gift returned home is a disappointment.
Our experience has been that your child is able to call you on birthdays and holidays. With this in mind, you might want to be sure that they know how they can reach you on these special days. the call is usually very brief, two or three minutes, but it is a wonderful one to receive.
Another thing that has helped us is to
keep this in perspective. MBA does provide nice holiday and birthday celebration for the kids. Certainly they will be unique from other times of their lives. Yes, they miss us and it is hard for us all. However, that pain can build an appreciation for tradition and family that they may not have felt before.
Finally, remember, you are not alone. We all share in these feelings and another MBA parent can provide rare comfort and understanding. Don't hesitate to call or email your MBA friends or query the listbox for wisdom and support.
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Only the first three 'tips' have been posted so far, thirteen in all, more to come later.
