Author Topic: My son at Aspen Ranch (Read 69750 times)

NIGEL · « **Reply #525 on:** January 14, 2010, 02:23:23 PM »

Just got word that my son is going to complete his last unit in English by Monday at the latest, so I am going to pick him up on Wednesday morning and bring him home. We are all excited and at the same time hopeful that the changes he has made are because he truly wants to change. I am well aware that he could drop right into his old patterns, but I am doing my best to set him up with a support system here at home so that doesn't happen. I will post again in a week or two to let you know how things are going.

And.....to my good friend "Pile of Dead Kids," yes I do have a son and he is coming home. I would hope you would be happy about that.

Whooter · « **Reply #526 on:** January 19, 2010, 06:38:36 PM »

Good news Nigel. The key (at least from my experience) is to keep him busy when he gets home and don’t allow for a lot of down time. He is use to structure and the shock of doing nothing for a few days may not be good. Don’t stress out too much if he regresses a little. The main thing is to keep the communication open. Your son has learned how to communicate very well and has matured quite a bit (you will be surprised) and you can always sit down and talk with him now vs laying down the law.

As far as “Pile of dead kids” I wouldn’t worry too much. With this new set up the trolls have all but left except a few. The Bruces, ajax’s and dysfunction Junctions of the world all need to log in to harass those they disagree with now ( or take on new names) which makes a difference and they have backed off.

I wish you luck. It will be an intense time for your family over the next few weeks and I will be praying that it all works out for you and your son. Check in with us if you can.

TheWho

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Ursus · « **Reply #527 on:** January 20, 2010, 10:53:29 AM »

Quote from: "NIGEL"

...I am going to pick him up on Wednesday morning and bring him home.

Wishing you Good Luck during this first week, Nigel!

Troll Control · « **Reply #528 on:** January 20, 2010, 12:54:34 PM »

Wait a sec... Whooter has always maintained that any parents pulling their kids from the program are making a grave mistake. Whooter claims that only kids who complete the program have a real chance to "succeed." Has Whooter now shifted his stance? Does Whooter now believe that kids pulled early will be "successful"? If so, why send them in the first place?

And Whooter, now forced to log in, has stopped his incessant trolling with "multiple personalities" and seems to have scaled back to just his "Whooter" ID and his "NIGEL" ID. It's a start. :rofl:

I just find it amusing that a guy who was banned for flooding (Whooter) and who is the most prolific troll of all time at Fornits fancies himself an appropriate commentator on the subject of the dimunition of trolling. How sweetly ironic.

Whooter · « **Reply #529 on:** January 20, 2010, 01:38:36 PM »

Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"

Wait a sec... Whooter has always maintained that any parents pulling their kids from the program are making a grave mistake. Whooter claims that only kids who complete the program have a real chance to "succeed." Has Whooter now shifted his stance? Does Whooter now believe that kids pulled early will be "successful"? If so, why send them in the first place?

I sense your frustration,DJ, in having to log in but I give you credit….. your post was constructive and you made a good point. You are right and remembered that I am indeed against pulling kids out early.

From experience I have seen that pulling a child out before they are ready (or have completed the program) can be worse for the child then if they had never attended. This interruption can make the child more angry and confused………Many times the child feels their manipulation of their parents succeeded so this reinforces this behavior and they head down a more destructive path then they were on originally. So in these cases pulling a child against the programs recommendations I would not be in favor of.

From what I have followed so far on Nigels postings he has been working with the school and his sons therapist to secure a viable release date for his son. If the school feels he has progressed to the point where he can continue to get well with home services and family support and that they have a solid transitional plan from school to home then I would agree that this would be best for Nigels situation.

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NIGEL · « **Reply #530 on:** January 21, 2010, 10:13:14 PM »

Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"

Wait a sec... Whooter has always maintained that any parents pulling their kids from the program are making a grave mistake. Whooter claims that only kids who complete the program have a real chance to "succeed." Has Whooter now shifted his stance? Does Whooter now believe that kids pulled early will be "successful"? If so, why send them in the first place?

My son and I are home. Wednesday was quite the adventure as I left Las Vegas at 4 am and drove 6 hours in some pretty bad conditions to Aspen Ranch. The drive back was much easier as the sun came out and the road was in much better condition. Flight home from Vegas was bumpy but on time.

In response to the above: I pulled my son early because I felt like it was the best decision, considering. My son is turning 18 in a couple of months, and I knew that he would probably walk out (on his terms). He had been working very hard and I decided to bring him home and reward him for his efforts. Whether this was a good decision, you never know. I did discuss this with his therapist at the Aspen Ranch, and we all agreed that it was probably the best thing to do.

We have already met with the dean at his new school and he is signed up for classes. We have a meeting tomorrow with his psychologist here at home. We are trying our best to support him in every way possible, but ultimately, it is up to him if he truly wants to make positive changes (he claims he does).

Many thanks to those that have sent their best wishes. We are trying our best and keeping our fingers crossed. I will post again to let you know how things are going.

Whooter · « **Reply #531 on:** January 26, 2010, 06:44:30 PM »

Quote from: "NIGEL"

Quote from: "Dysfunction Junction"
Wait a sec... Whooter has always maintained that any parents pulling their kids from the program are making a grave mistake. Whooter claims that only kids who complete the program have a real chance to "succeed." Has Whooter now shifted his stance? Does Whooter now believe that kids pulled early will be "successful"? If so, why send them in the first place?

My son and I are home. Wednesday was quite the adventure as I left Las Vegas at 4 am and drove 6 hours in some pretty bad conditions to Aspen Ranch. The drive back was much easier as the sun came out and the road was in much better condition. Flight home from Vegas was bumpy but on time.

In response to the above: I pulled my son early because I felt like it was the best decision, considering. My son is turning 18 in a couple of months, and I knew that he would probably walk out (on his terms). He had been working very hard and I decided to bring him home and reward him for his efforts. Whether this was a good decision, you never know. I did discuss this with his therapist at the Aspen Ranch, and we all agreed that it was probably the best thing to do.

We have already met with the dean at his new school and he is signed up for classes. We have a meeting tomorrow with his psychologist here at home. We are trying our best to support him in every way possible, but ultimately, it is up to him if he truly wants to make positive changes (he claims he does).

Many thanks to those that have sent their best wishes. We are trying our best and keeping our fingers crossed. I will post again to let you know how things are going.

Here is hoping everything turns out okay and your son decides to stay on a positive path. Keep us updated, Nigel.

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Pile of Dead Kids · « **Reply #532 on:** January 28, 2010, 02:22:52 PM »

Watch the circus monkeys try to make people pay attention to their act. Don't give them any peanuts.

NIGEL · « **Reply #533 on:** March 04, 2010, 02:58:42 PM »

It has been about 6 weeks since we have brought our son home. Personally, he is in a much better place (and so am I). We haven't had any full-out-arguments with all the threats. We are able to talk things through much better now. He has moments where his depression shows, but he seems to better understand it and manage it. We have him seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist. He is also going to an accupunturist----he thought his first appointment was "really cool."
School is still an issue. He started off the semester not turning anything in (even though he told me that he had everything under control). He talks about wanting to go to college but he doesn't follow through on doing what he needs to do to get there. The last week has been much better (with him turning in his assignments and actually studying). I am hoping that this is a sign that he is ready to start working. I will post an update again in a couple of weeks.

Whooter · « **Reply #534 on:** March 04, 2010, 03:21:15 PM »

Quote from: "NIGEL"

It has been about 6 weeks since we have brought our son home. Personally, he is in a much better place (and so am I). We haven't had any full-out-arguments with all the threats. We are able to talk things through much better now. He has moments where his depression shows, but he seems to better understand it and manage it. We have him seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist. He is also going to an accupunturist----he thought his first appointment was "really cool."
School is still an issue. He started off the semester not turning anything in (even though he told me that he had everything under control). He talks about wanting to go to college but he doesn't follow through on doing what he needs to do to get there. The last week has been much better (with him turning in his assignments and actually studying). I am hoping that this is a sign that he is ready to start working. I will post an update again in a couple of weeks.

Hey, its good to get an update, Nigel. My daughter and I communicated so much better when she got home. We didnt agree on things anymore than we did prior to the program but we were able to talk things out and compromise. She matured so quickly during her time their. It seems your son did the same. The whole school thing was a difficult issue to get past but once she settle in she did fine. Its a good sign that he is talking about college. Hopefully this becomes a good motivator.

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NIGEL · « **Reply #535 on:** July 12, 2010, 03:07:10 PM »

It's been awhile since my last post. Thought I might let those interested in knowing how things are going. My son is doing well emotionally. He has some friends that he likes to hang out with and he has a girl friend that I really like. He has a new job---bus boy at a decent restaurant---that he really likes. He seems to be working hard and enjoying his co-workers. The area I am hopeful he will improve in is school. He did very poorly the last semester. At times he will say that he has no interest in getting an education, and then two days later he will ask if I can take him on a trip to visit a couple of colleges (we have one planned). He claims he is going to get his act together, but he doesn't follow through. I have stopped "nagging" him about it because that got me nowhere in the past and probably even backfired on me. I am hoping he will find something he has a passion for and then pursue it.
He rarely talks about Aspen Ranch, but when he does, here is what he has to say----"it was like a prison", "some of the people there were good and they cared about us, but some were total assholes", "I liked some of the kids there","some of the teachers were into their subject, but most were lame", "why would anyone send their kid to a place like that", "I didn't like it, but it did give me a chance to gain some perspective." (I am obviously paraphrasing).
I am not sure how I feel about Aspen Ranch. It is hard to say whether or not it was the right thing to do, but as I have stated before, it was the decision we made at the time and there is no going back. I will post again and let you know how things are going.

Troll Control · « **Reply #536 on:** July 12, 2010, 06:25:05 PM »

Quote from: "NIGEL"

"it was like a prison"

And so Aspen programs are. I believe people here hipped you that fact early on. You're lucky he talks to you at all and might not once he doesn't need you anymore. That's a pretty typical reaction for basically normal kids whose parents have them incarcerated at kiddie jails for being a teenager. I hope you have enough money left to send the lad to college if he's lucky enough to get accepted. It's also not lost on me that you went against the pro-program extremists here who claim every kid pulled fom the program is headed for death, jail or insanity. Getting him out early was better than letting him rot in his self-described Aspen prison.

thomasC · « **Reply #537 on:** July 12, 2010, 07:05:00 PM »

It was the wrong thing to do but you can not take it back now. You meant well but that will not change much in his mind. Hopefully the time away from his environment allowed him some perspective and maturity. This really could have been accomplished in better circumstances.

My advice to you is to be prepared to admit this was a mistake regardless of your son's actions which led you to send him away. Flashbacks and nightmares can persist for years. What it feels like to be locked away from the world is difficult to talk about with someone who has not been there. Regain his trust by taking him seriously because what happened there still troubles him.

Encourage him in his educational goals. Self-doubt makes success in college seem impossible. It is easier psychologically to decide you don't want to go anyway.

I could say more but I hope this much is helpful. It took me a long time to fully forgive my parents. This is what I wish they could have done for me when I came home.

Whooter · « **Reply #538 on:** July 12, 2010, 07:10:19 PM »

Quote from: "NIGEL"

It's been awhile since my last post. Thought I might let those interested in knowing how things are going. My son is doing well emotionally. He has some friends that he likes to hang out with and he has a girl friend that I really like. He has a new job---bus boy at a decent restaurant---that he really likes. He seems to be working hard and enjoying his co-workers. The area I am hopeful he will improve in is school. He did very poorly the last semester. At times he will say that he has no interest in getting an education, and then two days later he will ask if I can take him on a trip to visit a couple of colleges (we have one planned). He claims he is going to get his act together, but he doesn't follow through. I have stopped "nagging" him about it because that got me nowhere in the past and probably even backfired on me. I am hoping he will find something he has a passion for and then pursue it.
He rarely talks about Aspen Ranch, but when he does, here is what he has to say----"it was like a prison", "some of the people there were good and they cared about us, but some were total assholes", "I liked some of the kids there","some of the teachers were into their subject, but most were lame", "why would anyone send their kid to a place like that", "I didn't like it, but it did give me a chance to gain some perspective." (I am obviously paraphrasing).
I am not sure how I feel about Aspen Ranch. It is hard to say whether or not it was the right thing to do, but as I have stated before, it was the decision we made at the time and there is no going back. I will post again and let you know how things are going.

Nigel, Thanks for bringing us an update. I asked my daughter not too long ago if she did it over would she want to go back to ASR and she said “No way”. She would have done things differently so that she wouldn’t have had to go. Lol. But she also said it helped her and knows a friend who would have benefitted from it also.

But I can tell that your sons’ response is honest because he talked about the good with the bad.

My daughter also met some good people and some people she didn’t like too much which is how it will be in life. The kids got together this year and are planning a reunion…….College can be daunting to some kids and I allowed my daughter to take her time in her approach and kind of sneak up on it. She responded better with allowing her to take the lead on some things. The biggest part was the communication was much better.

Hang in there, Nigel, and let us know how you son progresses and thanks for the update.

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thomasC · « **Reply #539 on:** July 12, 2010, 07:25:52 PM »

Ignore Whooter.

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