I was ordered by the court to go to the seed or face 5 years in prison for selling acid. I had already served 4 months in an adult prison at age 17. I had a large collection of several hundred lp's when I went into the seed. An oldcomer told me that all of my albums were old ties to my druggie past and I should get rid of them. For the first few months, I really tried to accept and believe in the seed ideology, so after some thought I decided he was right. I asked the oldcomer what I should do with them...figuring I should throw them away so that no-one else would become infected with this vile rock music. He offered to dispose of them for me. A few months later, this oldcomer graduated his program and headed back home to new england. As I was saying my goodbye's, he opened his trunk to put in a suitcase. There in his trunk were every single one of my albums. He explained that they were only old ties to me, not to him. Lots of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, etc.
For the first 3 or 4 months I was gung-ho, really immersing myself into being the best seedling I could be and relating alot in group. Afterall, with prison hanging over my head I had strong motivation for staying. I had never been one to blindly accept or believe and eventually I began to question certain aspects of the seed program. I began to see certain flaws in the program, chinks in their beliefsystem...many of which greg and others have brought to light here. This caused considerable pain and conflict. I stopped relating in group and began to feel that I had to somehow fake my way through this ordeal in order to avoid prison.
I too sensed the cult-like qualities in the group...the unquestioning reverence for art and staff. We had raps on how we were all 'meant to be here' at the seed. As if 'we' were the chosen few...chosen to save the world. Definite messianic / megalomaniacal overtones. Though speaking of loving everyone, a certain nasty hostility came out when staff spoke of 'druggie assholes'. Ginger once said she and her druggie friends 'should have been lined up on a wall and shot.'
We spoke of getting rid of our druggie images...but no one ever seemed to realize we were simply exchanging druggie images for equally fake 'straight' images. The girls had to cultivate a specific 'seedling' look in clothing and guys had to have really short hair and no facial hair. Rock music was routinely trashed because it was the product of a 'bunch of druggie assholes' and we were encouraged to embrace frank sinatra and art's choice of music instead. Being 'straight' meant projecting very specific, seed-approved images.
I spent over a year on the program. All during the program I kept hearing how I would look back upon my time at the seed as the happiest of my life. I'm 45 now and I regard it instead as one of, if not THE worst time of my entire life. Thanks for this forum. It's helped to clarify issues that I've mulled over off & on for many decades.
