As the creator of this thread points out, there is a lot of vitriol against "programs" but very little good advice about alternatives.
You do make a good point, but look at this point of veiw. Generally speaking, the alternative to sending a child to a TC or even a boarding school, could go something like this..
You do your best with your child. Your child may hang out with people you do not like. They may stay out late. Some may experiment with drugs, and every so often, occasionally, drugs may ruin some child somewhere's life and there will be an unhappy ending.
Noone said that it would be easy to have children. What in life is? the alternative is to deal with the situation to the best of your ability whatever that situation may be, and when push comes to shove, no matter how good you do, your child, at somepoint in their life may possibly go through experiences that you wish they never would. But, those hard times are often a part of becoming an adult in my opinion.
In your case, I would not send child to a boarding school. I wouldn t even consider it, ans considerring it is the first step towards doing it. It's too bad that talk therapy isn't working, but it very often does not. Have you ever turned the looking glass on yourself or your household. The best way for a parent to teach is through example I think.
I don't know too much about boarding schools, but I have never really heard a good story about one- only bad stories about stupid hierarchies and will breaking in the name of a cause. Also, if it were me in your position, as much as it would pain me to see my child harmed, I do not know that it would be a long-term solution to run from the problem. Why does the community dislike your daughter? There has to be some reason.
I don't know, but I think that the best thing for her might be a positive role model. Also, I think an excellent thing might be martail arts classes. Thye teach discipline, confidence, character, and of course how to defend yourself.
It is not impossible for something to change your child's life for the better. But in my opinion, you have to think outside of the problem, and you have to believe that a solution is possible. Sending your child to a boarding school, in my veiw, is like giving up in a way. I do not thinnk that you should give up on your child, or yourself. Try talking to as many people who you consider to be very successful parents as possible. see what insights they may be able to share with you.
And again, I don't mean to be a dick, but you might want to look at yourself a bit, too. Do you get bullied? Cause, if the whole community is ganging up on your child, they are treating you with little respect.
This is just my veiw as an outside perspective. maybe I am wrong.. maybe I am right. If you are uninterested in my response, let me know.. I have no problem deleting it.
As far as the other girl, I do not have a solution,myself.. that is a rough one. My desire would be to kick the dude ass, but that will only push her more towards him. I think that this is one that just takes time, and being there for the child.
Paul