Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > News Items

Katies Story

<< < (6/22) > >>

FemanonFatal2.0:
I'm sorry, but when it comes down to the fact that a little girl, who was so sad and felt so unwanted that she would cut herself to relieve the pain I HAVE to blame the parents. I hear this often from the network of mothers I work with, when hearing of a tragic story involving children they always say "where were the parents?" and this is true for this story too. I wouldn't place the blame as much on the father as I would the step mother, for the emotional abuse, I gathered that much before Katie even started writing this story, her distain and malice was terribly clear in her blogs. However the choice to send a depressed child into an environment like that of the program was just morbidly wrong. Katie didn't need to learn to behave, she needed to be loved and that was obviously something these parents were unwilling to give her. Instead they left her to rot in a program for 3 years! 3 years is an abnormal amount of time, even for WWASP kids and considering that if they hadn't ran out of money she would have stayed longer there is no evidence what so ever that these parents weren't being intentionally negligent.

It is very hard for me to release either parent of the blame they should carry for sending their suicidal daughter to a behavior modification program, especially a WWASP program. I can't imagine how anyone could convince themselves that "tough love" could be a cure for depression, but my guess is that they weren't concerned for Katie's life or well being, their only intention was to purge her from the home as long as possible. The programs are not designed to help kids with depression or serious issues like cutting and suicide, they may not admit it in their marketing materials but that environment is not conducive to healing and the kind of family dynamic change you needed. The program is designed to put you in your place and make you so fearful of punishment (ie being restrained) that you obey. These programs are designed to cater to the parents wishes not the child's needs. That is why I fault your parent's Katie, because they weren't thinking in your best interest, they were only thinking of their own and because of those choices your entire adolescence was wasted and your "problems" were only made worse.

I'd like to know Katie, do you still cut?... Are your family problems just about the same as before you left or worse? Do you think it was worth it to have missed so many vital years and experience considering that what you traded it for, was what you experienced at WWASP? I'd also like to know if your parents still praise the program knowing that none of the changes that WWASP promised ever happened and all they got was 3 years of you out of the home.... was that what they wanted?... is that what was worth it to them?

Oscar:

--- Quote from: "mcarter.fornits" ---Hi.  This is Katie's dad.

I just wanted to put one quick note here, and that will be all.  This is her story, from her view, in her words.  It is not mine - and there are events that I remember quite differently myself.  Katie has a great talent for writing, and it is definitely coming out here.  I've told (and am telling) my side in my blog (http://parents-of-a-troubled-teen.blogspot.com/) - I'd actually recommend that Katie set up a blog there to post to instead of a thread in a bulletin board.

There are at least two sides to every story - this one is Katies.
--- End quote ---

It could be a good idea if her story ended up in a blog.

Of course there is two sides of the story. How is it Dr. Phil is saying "As thin as you can make a pancake, it still have two sides".

She is going through a heal-process right now. She is writing things as she saw them. She was the one who was removed from her family and placed in a restricted environment where she could not communicate freely as her letters were edited before they were sent. She has extended family. She could not reach out to them. She had friends - few but they existed, but she could not reach out to them for support.

She needs to come to closure with all the anger and frustration she has built up in her before the program, during the program and of course after the program where she has experienced difficulties adjusting to real life.

In the other thread, you mention her lack of motivation to get up from bed and to engage in exercise. Working in an environment where the issue of depression is handled on an everyday basis, I recognize the symptoms. While it should be treated she needs to come to a point where it can be treated, because the most important illness she needs to cope with right now is the posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) she as many people got when she returned from the intense environment Cross Creek is. While it for some reason has become a state-license facility the nature of the environment for students are very intense. They have to be 100% aware not to break rules because there are so many of them and the consequences are so severe. There is no room to be relaxed. They are on alert 24/7. You can compare it with soldiers in a war. If they relax they can become victim of a road side bomb. If you doubt that the internal environment are more intense than you have experienced during the doctored parent visits, then ask yourself why people would rather be in jail than at one of the programs.

She is dealing / treating herself from the PTSD through her writing. Once she has written her story and this burden is away, in due time she would be ready to battle the depression she according to my analyze of both your blog and her story got when she became verbal weapon in the divorce war between you and your ex-wife. She will write things you don’t like in this process. You will properly feel that some of the things she writes could be written as an attack on you, but I don’t feel it that way. She is the one who are asking people to back off from you.

If she discontinues her story, how will she try to overcome her problems? If you google our datasheet on their former Samoa program, you will discover the trial based on the murder in Coral Gables. Let her choose a verbal way of removing her burden rather than a physical.

I don’t know how this story will end. Maybe maybe as new Comeback book, which I guess you have already on your bookshelf.

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: "NeilW" ---Femanon (and everyone), I would caution against trying to create good guys and bad guys here.  The fathers anger at seeing his daughter harmed was a natural response and he felt powerless to fix it because the person hurting his daughter was his daughter.  There are also many layers that need to be considered inwhich we don’t know about.  Adults don’t always just fall in love with someone elses children and then decide to marry the parent hoping someday they will love them too and be loved the same in return.  Most of the time it works the other way around, the adults fall in love with each other first and then hopfully learn to love the others children.  A preteen or teen having their biological mother out of the picture is hard enough but when you add a replacement it takes on a whole new set of dynamics and problems.  As you read thru the fathers blog you can see that he loves his daughter very much and would never want to see her hurt.  This is a family that has been harmed not just one individual.  If we have learned anything from reading here on fornits expending your energy on anger, spewing venom and blaming parents, staff and programs in general does not lead to recovery or healing.

The best we can hope for is that Katie can learn to understand what happened to her and her family so that she can define it, make it tangible, hold it in her hand and begin to make sense of it all and not until then can she be able to set it down and move forward.

I think we should encourage Katie to stay open minded and write her story without a predefined antagonist set upon her.
--- End quote ---

-----
Wow Neil, I thank you for a well thought out and non-venomous response. I feel like a lot of the angry responses here are from those people without children, that hopefully from their responses will NEVER procreate, and have never had tough choices other than what time to wake in the afternoon so they can sit in their parents basement on their computer and get their jollys by telling people to just kill themselves.

Maybe I've just stooped to their level here by saying that, but as a parent that has had to make tough choices, I get so tired of these people.

Ursus:

--- Quote from: "guest2" ---
--- Quote from: "NeilW" ---Femanon (and everyone), I would caution against trying to create good guys and bad guys here.  The fathers anger at seeing his daughter harmed was a natural response and he felt powerless to fix it because the person hurting his daughter was his daughter.  There are also many layers that need to be considered inwhich we don’t know about.  Adults don’t always just fall in love with someone elses children and then decide to marry the parent hoping someday they will love them too and be loved the same in return.  Most of the time it works the other way around, the adults fall in love with each other first and then hopfully learn to love the others children.  A preteen or teen having their biological mother out of the picture is hard enough but when you add a replacement it takes on a whole new set of dynamics and problems.  As you read thru the fathers blog you can see that he loves his daughter very much and would never want to see her hurt.  This is a family that has been harmed not just one individual.  If we have learned anything from reading here on fornits expending your energy on anger, spewing venom and blaming parents, staff and programs in general does not lead to recovery or healing.

The best we can hope for is that Katie can learn to understand what happened to her and her family so that she can define it, make it tangible, hold it in her hand and begin to make sense of it all and not until then can she be able to set it down and move forward.

I think we should encourage Katie to stay open minded and write her story without a predefined antagonist set upon her.
--- End quote ---

-----
Wow Neil, I thank you for a well thought out and non-venomous response. I feel like a lot of the angry responses here are from those people without children, that hopefully from their responses will NEVER procreate, and have never had tough choices other than what time to wake in the afternoon so they can sit in their parents basement on their computer and get their jollys by telling people to just kill themselves.

Maybe I've just stooped to their level here by saying that, but as a parent that has had to make tough choices, I get so tired of these people.
--- End quote ---

Geez Louise! Somehow, I just can't wrap my brain around Michael Carter saying this about his daughter, especially given his predilection for advertising his identity on the internet and disdain for "cowardly anonymous" guest posters. Plus, he has posted his avowed desire to stay out of this thread out of deference to Katie (given that this thread is her story).

Yet this person "guest2" seems to have a certain unmistakable "parental" take on this particular situation. Hmmm. This really leaves very few possible candidates... Gee, who could it be?

psy:

--- Quote from: "Ursus" ---Healing from all this takes time and love, and lots of retracting that "finger of blame" by all sides concerned.
--- End quote ---

Ultimately, I think you're right.  My parents and I just don't talk about the "reasons" anymore, and as a result, we get along fine.  Sometimes agreeing to disagree, or agreeing not to discuss a topic, is the wisest choice...  but it's something both parties must agree on mutually and consensually.  Programs that include similar conditions in their "home/visit contracts" are just looking to cover their own asses.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page